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Bigender- Largely Connected to Sex Drive

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Snidi, Jul 9, 2016.

  1. Snidi

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    I'm born male. I feel like my feminine side is most prominent when I am sexually stimulated. As a result...I am contemplating castration, theoretically. When I was a young child, me feeling like becoming a female was rarely a serious issue. Now, I feel that way on a daily basis some of the time. But not enough to want to become transgender, because my male self is still there as well.

    Of course, the major consequence to castration would be that is that I would lose my sex drive with women when my male self is in control. But...not like women have ever been worthwhile/tranquil to me anyway....

    I'll talk to a therapist. But this feeling is too painful.
     
    #1 Snidi, Jul 9, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2016
  2. Invidia

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    Hi there. I see you're experiencing internal conflict and confusion. Don't worry, many of us have been there, and we've all had to spend time to figure things out.

    Now, when you say you're contemplating castration, what do you mean? Do you mean you want a vagina? And in that case, why? So that you can have sex with a man? Or so that you can have lesbian sex with a woman?
    There are actually people who are born male, do not identify as female, and want a female body. And some of them do indeed transition. You can identify as both a male and a female if you want to, or something else, and still want a female body, and transition if you want to.

    Otherwise, you can experiment with alternative ways to express your sexuality.

    I'm sorry if my answer seems strange; I don't fully understand you, but I'm trying, so if something seems off, please tell me.
     
  3. Snidi

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    No, not saying I want to turn my penis into a vagina.

    Simply saying I would want to castrate, so my sex drive diminishes- and most of my feminine feelings with it.
     
  4. GeminiRae

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    I know this might be prying but how do you mean your feminine side is more prominent when sexually stimulated? Castration is such a strong course of action that I can't help but be curious.
     
  5. Systems

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    Which part is painful? If you feel uncomfortable with having a feminine or female side, I think it would be more helpful to find a therapist that you trust, and also learn about the trans community, with the goal of becoming comfortable with these feelings. Trying to stop them from coming up can only be a temporary measure. That isn't dealing with the problem, just avoiding it. I don't think avoiding a problem is wrong, but it doesn't have the same potential for inner peace as self acceptance.

    Also, orchiectomy lowers testosterone levels which generally lowers sex drive, but I've only heard rumors of complete loss of sex drive.

    I take antiandrogens as part of my hormone replacement therapy, and my body's sexual responses have changed a bit, but I'm still just as attracted to women as before.

    Also, surgery doesn't make someone transgender. It's a matter of identity, not surgical status or hormones. Plus not all trans people get bottom surgery. I haven't had it and don't want it in the least. And then there's the fact of there being many, many kinds of trans people, not just trans women and trans men.
     
  6. Synesthesia

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    Is it only when you are sexually stimulated? And in what way do you feel female? I definitely think you should talk to a therapist about this if you're considering castration just to remove your sex drive.
     
  7. Snidi

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    It's largely connected: when I'm sexually aroused is when my feminine side comes out most. When I'm not thinking of sex, I'm not usually thinking about gender: and feel more neutral overall. I hadn't had a true issue with my gender identity until the last 4 years or so, when my sex drive has started peaking. In my childhood/teen years, the concern was SUPER mild....and coincidentally enough, my sex drive was far lower at that time.
     
  8. Invidia

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    Well, you can talk with a therapist about it, that's a good idea. But castration because you feel uncomforortable feeling feminine when you're aroused? That's a really extreme course of action. First I would ponder these two questions:
    1) Why do you have a such a problem with having a feminine side?
    2) If it is, why is your feminine side connected to sex?

    A lot of people feel more feminine or more masculine every now and then, include people who are cisgender and heterosexual. Nothing strange about it.
     
  9. Snidi

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    1) I have a problem having a side of myself I cannot openly express in public without being highly judged/ridiculed for it. It is severe. But then, when my masculine side takes over, it's a completely different part of the brain altogether. Two polar opposites. The gender dysphoria is hell, but then I don't have a way to remedy that. Because it would seem I have two genders in one body, both active at different times.

    2) That is the unfortunate mystery, and I really genuinely have no true idea. For some reason, my feminine side seems to be most prominent in my body when connected to sexual drive.

    I'm not manly enough all the time to comfortably stay a man: but I'm not womanly enough to comfortably want to transition into becoming a woman. :/
     
  10. Hats

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    I feel your pain, Snidi. I had a bunch of switches only seconds apart yesterday. It was emotionally exhausting and all I wanted was for it to stop and to be free of this thing. But from personal experience, trying to stave off the feelings doesn't work in the long term, regardless of how you go about it. My boy side tried to lock away my girl side for several weeks but then she smashed the closet door down last night. In fact, she's periodically done that over the past four years. I went for months where I'd not feel anything, think I'd got over my gender issues, and then BAM.

    I'm going to go out on a limb here, but my guess is that even if you do get castrated, it won't work and you'll still have your switches. I know for myself that learning to accept it, as difficult as that is proving to be, is the only way I can really move forward. Is there anything you would miss if you were a cisgender man again? For me I'd miss my ability to think like a girl in a natural way, and the advantages that brings. Remembering that makes it a bit easier for me to accept myself and not go back into denial and lockdown.