My current status: I’m out to myself. I want to transition and I’m ready to begin. I am married with 2 children. My wife is not attracted to women, and makes no secret of her appreciation for my male form. I don’t want to lose my marriage. So, I choose to see myself as having chosen a body that isn’t mine for the benefit of the woman I love. Imagine finding the love of your life. You’re perfect together, except for one thing: the person you love is not attracted to people of your gender. However, you’re given the opportunity to remain yourself at heart, but in a body that your love will find very attractive. Do you spend your life in a body that does not feel like your own if the reward is live and family? Can a person do this and at least appear happy? I’d like to say I do t know the answer, but I think I do. I don’t think the “I’ll just tolerate this until I die” mentality has ever worked for me, and it won’t here. If I keep on denying myself, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up appearances of being happy. The question before me is which will cause less harm to my family, if dad reveals himself to be a trans woman with a chance at happiness, or if I remain living as a depressed man. This isn’t a hard question, I know the answer, and I’m not at all ready for it.
It is sad to hear that another person is in the situation that I found myself in. I tried to live pretending to be male and it just resulted in my having a breakdown and was bad for everyone else in my life. I hope that you can find an answer that works for you and those who you care about.
Thanks. I’m trying not to worry about the actual leap that’s in front of me. I’m sort of fascinated by my own paralysis. I know what I want, I know I can do it, and I know what to do. I even know that, eventually, I will be okay. My therapist is my gatekeeper, and she’s made clear the gate is open if I want to go through. And yet my brain freezes when I think about it.
I don’t really have any good advice. Just wanted to say, that if you already know the answer, then all I can say is good luck. I hope you don’t regret this after. I feel like either way it will cause harm for you and for your family. I would be devastated, if the person I fell in love with is not attracted to my gender. I feel like in the end if I chose to stay in the body I was born with, then it would affect greatly my mental health and would lower my quality of life. I tried to imagine staying as a woman in rest of my life, but I couldn’t even deal with the imagination. It was enough to make me cry. You can make others believe you are happy for sure, but it’s just fake. I truly hope everything works out somehow for you.
Thanks. It could be worse. My wife is cool, and an ally. But she’s also her own person, with her owns needs and wants from life. I feel like The Thing from Fantastic Four. I feel like a big rock monster with a person inside. Everyone sees me and goes oooh and aaah. All I can say is thanks everyone, glad you enjoyed the show, now off you go to enjoy feeling like your body and mind belong to the same organism
Let's get down to brass tacks here. If you come out to your family it need not necessarily mean the end of your relationship with your wife. On another forum I'm on there are many trans women who are still with their spouses. Their relationships are generally platonic but they stay together because there is still love. Even without something like this intruding, in so many longer term relationships the fervent passions of romance over time congeal into a deep mutual affection that might no longer be physical, but nevertheless still works. Yours could be one of them. That's really good. But there is no hurry to come out and I wouldn't do anything rash unless you have a plan in place for if the s*** really does hit the fan.
