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Bi/ Pan attractions

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by solarcat, Jun 12, 2020.

  1. solarcat

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    I can't find the post, but I came across something on Tumblr that said something to the effect that bisexuals generally feel a difference between their attractions to men and their attractions to women, whereas to pansexuals these attractions generally feel the same.

    While the post made it clear that it was not trying to set up a specific definition and draw lines between bi- and pansexuality, it did get me thinking: do people feel a difference between their attractions towards men and towards women? To me these feel the same; just my attractions towards women feel kind of gay.
     
  2. SiraRom

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    My attractions feel the same, as well. The moment that I realized that I wasn't straight was when I recognized that the feelings I was developing for my female neighbor were exactly the same as the feelings I had for my first crush on a boy.
     
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  3. Revive

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    I identify as pansexual, but I don't feel attracted to men as often as I do to women. However, when I do feel attracted to men, to me it's the same feeling I get when being attracted to women (or non-binary people).
     
  4. Spatula

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    I've always seen the bi/pan thing as a political difference, not a biological one.

    There is a 'difference' in the attractions but not a difference in strength.
     
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  5. solarcat

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    I'm exactly the same way. But while I'm attracted to women more often than I am to men, given the choice between an attractive woman and an equally attractive man, I'd probably choose the man. But it's the same feeling either way.
     
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  6. Bisurprise

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    Hell, I would STILL try to convince myself I was straight :joy: be fantasizing whole domestic relationships and cuddling and junk.
     
  7. BiGemini87

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    I could be wrong, but I've always thought the differences illustrated between bisexuals and pansexuals weren't about the feelings for men and women being different in the former's case, but that the gender played a factor in the attraction, whereas for pan people it doesn't?

    Like for me, I experience varying degrees of attraction, which is true for my attractions to both men and women. However, the things I'm drawn to in men are different than what draws me to women; I have specific types for both, though I find there are more types I'm attracted to where women are concerned than men (which I guess means I'm pickier with men?)

    The attraction I experience feels the same, though. Which will forever have me wondering HOW it took me so long to realize/accept it. (Hindsight is 20/20, as they say).

    I think you've all made really interesting points though; I agree that the difference between bi/pan is more political. They are very much intertwined, which is why so many people bounce back and forth between the labels.
     
  8. daesygreen

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    Well, what you're describing sounds like omnisexuality, which is me! we're similar to pansexuals, but we're not gender-blind, as gender plays a role in our attraction :slight_smile: But as far as bisexuality including leaning more toward one of the two genders you're attracted to, I think that's totally normal!
     
  9. SophiaK

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    I think the definition I liked most was that pansexual's don't care about their partner(s) gender, whereas bisexual's have a preference of two or more gender's. For example, someone who's typically bisexual don't care whether they're with a male or female, but they don't want to be with a transgender male or transgender female. Or, they might be okay with a female or a transgender female, but not a male or transgender male.

    Having been with gay men and CIS women (I'm a pansexual male, but I identify as either a transexual female, genderqueer, or non-binary), I feel no difference in feelings for either one, but physically (as in eye candy) - I am attracted to females more than males, but as I stay in a relationship longer with a male, I become more attracted to the one I'm with.
     
  10. lucas78

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    I'm "new" so I'm not too hung up on the labels, but I personally find the 'bi'/'bisexual' label comfortable so far, for a couple reasons:

    * it's an older term I'm familiar with from when I was younger (though it took me a long time to accept it as a valid identity for myself)
    * the 2-gender binary thing doesn't particularly bother me, and feels at home with my past known attractions which have been to cis women and cis men

    My attractions have been slightly different between the traditional two genders in some ways, like I _think_ I've had crushes on more women than on men, but they've always _felt_ very similar regardless of gender. I like mostly the same things out of anyone I crush on.

    I've never yet had a romantic or sexual crush on a trans man or trans woman, but I've only known so many and can't rule it out. :slight_smile:

    For people who very specifically want to include trans, non-binary, or other folks who aren't traditionally non gender conforming in their announcement to the world of what their identity is, terms like pansexual are perfect. I'm not sure if it fits me at this time in my life though.
     
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  11. xenu

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    Male here. I tend to find women more immediately attractive in most cases, but some guys really turn me on. I will admit that I prefer male equipment for lack of a better word. I don't have strong feelings about transgender folk either way, but I don't know any. I guess that puts me somewhere in the bisexual range. Of course, my attractions are not consistent and shift strongly back and forth over time.