bi but suffering?

Love4Ever · Nov 18, 2018

Leah061 said: ↑

I actually just read a post on tumblr that I think is worth sharing on this thread:

"As a woman who struggled with her sexuality all her life until very recently (in terms of figuring it out, I’m still struggling because of homophobia lol), I just want questioning women to know that if you’ve been pondering on it for a long, long, long ass time, and it causes you genuine pain and distress when you tell yourself “I’m not bi/a lesbian”, I’m pretty sure you’re not straight.

A huge part of homophobic manipulation against gay women, is to convince them that their love for women is lesser than their love for men (even when we don’t genuinely have it in the case of lesbians), it’s to find every possible way as to why this or that discounts what is obvious attraction to other women.

If you feel within yourself the words “I want to be bi” or “I want to be a lesbian”; I’m pretty sure you are.

How many straight women do you know that hold enough respect for gay women’s identities that they’re willing to suffer in confusion and loneliness for years?

Which straight woman would want to be bi/a lesbian THAT badly that it causes her genuine pain to think she’s not really one? It’s not like being gay grants us any benefits that straight women would DIE for. Literally the only thing in it for any woman is the opportunity to be with women, so if you’re in pain for thinking you’re straight, you’re in pain because you think you’ll never be able to love and be with other women.

Out bi and lesbian women who’re usually sure of their identities and who live their lives as gay women do also question whether they’re “faking” it or not, and it causes us tremendous distress to feel that maybe we’re fakes! Which is clearly something you share with us.

Those aren’t straight feelings. Stop picking yourself apart so much. The only requirement to be a gay woman is to want to be with women."

The fear of faking it seems to be extremely common among queer women, but if the thought of realizing that you're actually not queer and just straight gives you anxiety, if you are this afraid of hurting your girlfriend who you care about, it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that you are straight. These are not the thoughts of a straight girl.

Something I've realized is that coming to terms with your sexuality is not the way it's often portrayed in the media. Sure, there are people some people who know their whole lives, and their feelings just kind of happen (as you talked about earlier in the thread). But there are lots of people who don't know, and figuring out what their true sexual identity is, let alone tackling internalized homophobia and reaching self acceptance, can be a long and complicated journey. Social norms have conditioned us in a way that make it nearly impossible for us to see ourselves as we truly are.

It seems like you may be struggling to accept yourself as a woman attracted to women on some level. It is so true what they say about this being a process, and it is okay and normal that you're feeling the way you are. It's not easy when you've seen yourself as straight your whole life to start seeing yourself as capable of being in loving relationship with a woman. These are normal queer girl feelings, not straight girl feelings.

And let's just play devil's advocate for a second and say that you realize somewhere in all of this that you actually are straight. Straight, meaning you sincerely find genuine happiness in being exclusively with men, and not women at all. What's wrong with that? If it means that you find happiness in your relationships, isn't that all that really matters? Is that not the point of questioning your sexuality in the first place, to know who you fall in love with in order to live as authentically as possible? I want to be clear that I'm not trying to imply I think you might be straight, but my point is that it's okay if you are if it means that you feel loved and at peace with yourself. So if you can get to a place where you know it's okay to realize that you're straight (if you know that is truly what you are) I think you might find the self acceptance you're looking for.
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Everything Leah said is so spot on and correct. She really knows what she is talking about so please trust her.

YeetWheat · Nov 19, 2018

androgynousdog said: ↑

hey so. i posted here a while back and i figured id come back since its been hard to cope lately.
im currently experiencing some pretty intense anxiety in my orientation and sexuality. especially because im with this girl.
i want to enjoy being w her and kissing her but for some reason my body seizes up and im overwhelmed by anxiety.
im terrified i wont like kissing her or that i will discover i am straight.
now this infuriates me because i went through a lot of hard work and i lost other girls i liked because of this.
part of me wonders if its just me not being gay at all and being straight. but the thought alone makes me vomit almost every single time.
i do suffer from an anxiety disorder and im trying to work on it. but its very relentless and i keep needing reassurance that yes it is real. my orientation has always been rather elusive and strange to me in the first place but i know i like f/f stuff. i just wish i was gayer/it was clearer.
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I don’t know if this is what your suffering from but I suffer from hocd (don’t care if y’all don’t believe in it or not) but after I got help I stopped getting anxiety over looking at guys and being a different sexual orientation but as when I was doing research I heard that Bisexual people can have this too where they fear that they will only like 1 gender(usually the gender they are with currently) I’m sure you know of this but something that I’d recommend is getting help from someone weather it be a therapist or not just get help

bi but suffering?

Love4Ever
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YeetWheat
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bi but suffering?

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Love4Ever
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