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Bi but came out as gay

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Dec 2, 2017.

  1. Anonymous

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    I’m in my 20’s and within the last year or two I started coming out to all my friends and family. I’m bi but I am significantly more attracted to guys than I am girls so because of that I came out as gay instead of bi because I felt like it was just easier to explain it that way instead of explaining what homoflexible means to everyone.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s probably a 50/50 chance that the person I settle down and start a family with could either be a guy or a girl but I feel like if I do settle down and start a family with a girl that I’ll be discredited as far as my sexual orientation goes because I’ve led all my close friends and family to believe that I’m gay. When I came out to my dad he was kind of in disbelief and he told me something to the effect of “if you end up with a girl then I’m going to throw it back in your face and tell you that I told you so!”

    I’ve mostly only dated guys but I’m at a point where I want to explore dating girls some more but if I end up falling in love with a girl, I just don’t know how I would handle telling that to all of my family specially my dad.

    Any advice or words of wisdom is much appreciated.
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! First off, it's good that you are recognising that there is also another part to your attractions, and that you are willing to explore it as it were, and to see/learn where it leads to.

    I wouldn't worry about having to tell your family (your dad included) just yet. Cross the bridge when you get to the point where you feel you it is time to let them know that you have a girlfriend. Chances are that your dad might not actually make good on his comments as it is possible that his comments were more the result of his disbelieve or shock as it seems he did not expect your coming out.

    Start dating girls, and see how it goes. Try enjoy exploring it without the fear, anxiety of what's next, or after that. At the end of the day, you'll know what feels right for you, and this is far more important than what your dad will say. :slight_smile:
     
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  3. Twist

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    When I was young, it was believed that I was gay. Even I believed it. Right up until my mid-teens when I began to also find I had an attraction to women. (It wasn't until a few years ago that I came to the realization that I'm pansexual.)

    I found that dating who I want and letting people ASK or come to their own conclusions worked best for me. Your mileage might vary. To those that asked, I simply told them that I'd decided to "try both sides of the fence and let the chips fall where they will".
     
    #3 Twist, Dec 2, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2017
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  4. Ruby Dragon

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    If it's any consolation, I first came out as lesbian. I had to come out a second time, as bisexual. Nobody (to my knowledge) thought any less of me and the general feeling I got was that of acceptance. I think it was easier for my parents to view me as bisexual, because the chance of me ending up with a guy is now a reality moreso than if I were lesbian. I've realized, though, that my main attraction is actually toward men, so I might end up with one after all. I came out as lesbian because at the time I was dating a girl, and I was convinced I'm gay. It took seeing my long-time male crush at a party to realize that, hey, I'm actually still into men, if not more so. Well, that's my story, so don't feel bad if you later on decided that you want to come out a second time.

    I see it this way: Some gay people first come out as bisexual, because they're unsure of their predominant attractions. They later come out again as gay, and nobody really thinks much of it. So why would it be any different to first come out as gay and then later on come out again as bisexual? I don't see the difference, and don't see the problem. You do you, and no matter who you end up with, your sexuality won't suddenly change just because you end up with a woman or a man. I explained it in a letter to my parents. I specifically told them that I will always be bisexual. If I end up with a woman, it doesn't make me a lesbian. If I end up with a man, it doesn't make me straight. I'll always be bisexual, and they were so supportive and understanding. Picture-perfect. Lol.

    I think what your dad told you, was because of shock. And denial. Remember, there are five stages of acceptance: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Everyone you come out to will go through these stages, and eventually reach a point of acceptance. So worry not. You just be yourself and let them see that your sexuality doesn't define who you are (though it does, in a way). I mean to say, you are not your sexuality. You just happen to like both sexes, but underneath it all, you're human and in need of love, regardless of the other person's gender. Have fun! And try not to stress about it further. I know it's easier said than done but just try, okay? Hugs
     
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  5. EpicConfusion

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    I'm in the same boat man. Out to almost everyone as gay, but I'm actually bisexual. I felt pressured (by myself) to decide on my sexual orientation after being unsure for a long time, and I settled on gay because I'm exclusively interested in dating men.