Hi all, I'm a new member here and have joined here in a bid to try and gain some answers and closure on a situation that has happened to me. This post will be quite lengthy due to context and background so I appreciate your patience (should anyone choose to read it). I had this friend, I'll call him Lee, whom I had been incredibly close with since we were 3 years old. Our parents were very good friends and would often meet up for drinks whilst me and Lee played together whilst also being at the same schools from primary school to high school and also identified as being straight. In high school were really good friends, but over time I started to care a little bit more about him in the sense of wanting to make sure he was taken care of, had someone to talk to and just generally support him as a friend as he'd had his fair share of hardships and I could see he would secretly struggle without talking about what's bothering him. Throughout school he had girlfriends and situations that never ended well for him and there was always some sort of trouble behind the reason why they would end up breaking up, including a relationship he got into that ended up knocking our friendship off road which I'll explain. By the time we were at the end of year 9 (9th grade to Americans) there was a group of us which were friends and a mix of girls and boys, out of the group he had already had sexual relations/relationships with 3 girls and he was about to go onto his 4th- due to their past history in relationships I didn't think it was a good idea but still encouraged them to go for whatever they wanted to do and be happy. During the summer holidays, his girlfriend told me she had kissed and slept with Lee's older brother who had suffered brain damage from an accident he had some years prior and although he was older than Lee, his parents and Lee always protected him that little bit more due to this vulnerability, so understandably this put me in an awkward situation. Long story short, I ended up telling him 2 months after she told me due to him telling me had suspicions it had happened, he thanked me and told me he realised it was difficult but for me my loyalty was with Lee because I'd known him for so long and he was my best friend above anyone else. During this time we'd become really close (platonically) and we'd always be at each others houses, we knew everything about each other and trusted each other but sometimes I'd notice we'd look into each others eyes for a long period of time and he'd smile at me while doing it. In the end, his girlfriend ended up finding out I'd told him and we all ended up falling out for a long amount of time, which particularly crushed me. By now our parents had fallen out from what had happened with us, as things escalated and there was a whole bunch of fights and trouble that came from it that lasted for much of year 10. They eneded up finishing by the end of year 10 after they kept cheating on each other and things were just not good between them, so I extended my hand of forgiveness out to Lee for things that happened and we became friends again. By now he had already gotten with another girl right after this and as a result of this new relationship we fell out again for the rest of year 11 throughout leaving school- by now, I'd started getting deeper feelings for him as in I wanted to do things with him and looked at him in a lustful way and sometimes got the vibe he sort of felt the same when we were friends, as I mentioned the long stares and types of things he'd say. To cut it as short as I can, in 2013 we ended up getting back in contact, after I was told by his ex he was asking about me and wanted to know if I was ok, so I decided to go round to his house unknowing what to do if his parents answered the door knowing the bad blood that was there... His dad answered and was to my surprise, friendly to me and called Lee down. I'd missed him so much by this point that the minute I saw him coming down the stairs my heart melted and I felt happy that his first thing to do was extend his hand to shake mine and apologised to me. He told me he had another girlfriend after troubles with other girls (to do with him cheating, them doing the same etc) but that things weren't going to well but that he was happy to see me and hoped we could be friends again which I really wanted due to the amount of things in life we've been through together, things we know about each other and our tightness in general I'd never had a best friend like him before and he would tell me the same. We fall out in early 2014 which resulted in me blocking him from facebook and his phone number, but my friends and other people I wasn't friends with anymore were contacting me telling me Lee wanted to talk to me and wanted my phone number, I end up talking to him and we become friends again, only this time things felt... different. The way he looked at me, the things he'd do and say just gave me strong hints he might be 'interested' in some capacity. By this time he is single and very surprsingly said he wished to stay single and not get straight into another relationship which he didn't, but around this time the topics of converstion on his part are around gay people being great people, they shouldn't be stigmatized and he thinks gay marriage should be legal. He'd say he doesn't like how guys have kids then grow up to be gay and the kids don't want anything to do with them because of it and said he'd never do that to his own or want his kids to do that if he was etc. Then the conversation would go to him saying 'there's nothing wrong with liking a bit of willy' and 'I really wanna try sucking' things I'd never heard him say to a guy before or even made reference to, but he insisted he'd only ever want to with someone he trusted and a guy he respected (sort of putting the feelings out). We would often talk about how close we were as friends, how much we'd gone through and how much we can talk to each other about anything knowing we weren't going to blab to others. Fast forwarding, after a couple months of flirting with each other and suggestive chats, we have our first sexual experience after he overcame his nervousness (at this point I was very sexually open to it with him and was very curious), we ended up loving it and it was very relaxed which shocked him, as we would be putting each other at ease by cracking jokes and just being ourselves. With a big smile on his face after we finished, he looked at me and said 'till next time' and from then on we began being intimate with each other. In November 2014 we were experimenting still, but he was also seeing a girl whom he got pregnant. He would always bad mouth me to her and call her depressing, sad and clingy and she ended up getting an abortion after he more or less made her, to top it off he would show me pictures she would send him which we were pretty pervocative. I would tell him he was wrong and he needs to support her but he wasn't interested, although our friendship was still very much friends with benefits and was all good (by this time I realise I'm bisexual, as I've already had sexual relations with women and enjoyed it and Lee was my first guy which I enjoyed and carried on with). In December 2014 we argue, he blocks me and goes out on Xmas Eve and meets a girl he gets in a relationship with who was his ex's friend (one of his ex's at least) and we end up falling out because of him getting with her after he told me he wanted to carry on how he was with me- they only lasted 2 weeks, and from that time they were together although we never did anything sexually we had planned a one night thing where we had full intercourse and then carry on as friends as we'd agreed. By 2015 January, we're really close, we'd cuddle, kiss, hold hands whilst we straddled each other an told each other we loved each other, he'd text me every morning and every night and all through the day whilst we were at college/work. On his birthday I bought him a crate of beer and put £20 in his card, he was really appreciative and spent the day at my house before he went out with workmates with later on. Our agreement was we was never in a relationship but if we were to be sexual with others or get into relationships we had to let each other know and be straight up with each other- on this night out I ended up getting a strange feeling he was with a girl he'd been playing games with at work he'd told me about and when I confronted him about it over text he admitted he had been with her, I get mad for a while for the principle of his birthday and our agreement we had but he apologised and said he didn't think at the time and didn't mean to hurt me. At this point we'd been extremely sexual with each other, doing everything a part from intercourse with each other which we planned to do on a trip we organised (as we didn't feel comfortable doing that in our houses whilst our parents were in, we are both 21) and the energy and sparks between us are really strong, we'd hold hands and lie on top of each other naked, I'd stroke his face and hair, bite his ear lobes and neck and we'd just be comfortable with each other, he would say he loves how comfortable he is with me to trust me to do this with and he loves me. One time I did say to him 'I'd really take care of you Lee, I love you' to which he replied 'I know, I love you too' but after I brought up the discussion of us officially seeing each other or being together, he said he didn't see me in that way and we were too good friends as well as not wanting to put a label on anything we did, realistically we realised from what we both want in the long term out life it wouldn't work out and still promised to always be friends after our sexual encounters end and we could always do it again 'when' he's single again (he would never say IF he's single, it was WHEN which I found odd wording). I would talk to him about by the time I'm 35 I'd like to have a wife and kids, with whom I have kids with one woman and only marry 1 woman and he would immediately mirror this, saying he wanted exactly the same despite his track record. By the time of June 2015 we are inseperable, we would go out for long drives, long late night walks or chills in my house holding hands, cudding and snuggling up to each other and talking about everything from our thoughts and feelings. One night he comes round and as usual we do stuff and we used to hold on to each other when we were about to climax or grab hold of each others thigs or hands and clasp them together tight whilst looking into each others eyes, we did this and just before he goes he says we'll book the trip another time (he came round a few days before ready to book it but I'd been paid late from work so couldn't book) and he hugged me at the door whilst our hands cupped each others bum and told me he'd text or ring me from his holiday (he was about to go away with his cousin and friends on a guys holiday). That's the last I heard of him. I thought at first he might need space to get his round things and the passionate way we'd been, especially being each others first guy and going from best friend to best friend with intense benefits in just a few years, but after time went on and he came back from holiday he blocked me out of everything. I decide to go to his house where his mum and brother tell me has a girlfriend and has moved in with her, instead of blowing my top and telling them everything, I play it cool and they tell me he'd been with her a few months and isn't home. So I go home crushed, crying my eyes out and try to find out who she is so I could talk to her, I end up finding out her identity and we get in contact and have a friendly conversation for hours on the phone where she tells me she thought he was cheating once when he said he was going to the vets with his cousins dog, she only believed him when she saw the vets leaflet but he failed to tell her it wasn't his cousins dog but my dog he came with me to have checked out, my dog died a week after this and he was there with me. So after telling her about us both she said things made sense to her as she had suspicions he might have been gay/bi but always gave a front about it. So that was that. I then try and go back round to his house for answers when I was greeted by his mum telling me I wasn't welcome there any more and to pretty much 'fuck off'. I was understandbly annoyed and angry and upset and thus did say some things that weren't the nicest in the direction of Lee after all this came out, after all if he'd have realised our agreement and fulfilled it everything would have been fine, it was the betrayal and sly nature of it that crushed me as I really did cherish his friendship and the bond we had. I'd like to point out midway through our sexual intimacy I would ask if Lee considered himself still straight, he said he did and that he wasn't bi/gay because he considers this experimenting and being curious and that he'd only be like that with me, I'd explain I could only be with Lee in that way with a guy but I still enjoy it and am turned on by what we do and I wish to persue another man sexually so I can't be straight any more. He would always go quiet when I'd say things like that, like he was hiding something? One of his ex's also told me she thought he was at least bi sexual and this was when we was still in high school, and I definitely noticed how deeper our connection went once we was being intimate and romantic with each other. I've now found out the girl he made have an abortion is the one he is now with and they are expecting a baby. How could he go back to a girl he shown pictures of and berated and called every name under the sun? Is it a cover in a last resort attempt since no one else was left? I'd just like to know people's thoughts. Why did he leave me his 18 year long best friend who respected and loved him regardless of what he wanted? If he would have said 'hey I think I wanna start settling down or trying things with this girl is it cool if we put this on the backburner but remain friends?' he knows I'd have loved that and encouraged it because our friendship always meant more to me than anything although I loved the exciting nature of our sexual activities. Any opinions and advise is welcome and again, thanks for your patience due to the lengthy long post, I have also left some things out like how deep our conversations were, the things he'd say to me and I'd say to him because I wanted to keep it short and readable as possible but we were extremely close and there wasn't one thing we didn't know about each other, I'm just crushed he would leave me with no answers and go against everything he said he wouldn't do to me a best friend of 18 years. ---------- Post added 9th Nov 2016 at 07:22 AM ---------- This is the thread I wish to have the discussion on, hopefully the other thread will be removed as it is a duplicate.