Since coming out as a gay man five years ago (with lots of support from folks on EC), one of my biggest worries has been the impact on my kids. At the time, they were 8 and 11 years old, and my coming out led to the break up of what seemed like our “perfect” family. They had to deal with their parents getting divorced, moving to a new town and making new friends. They also had to adjust to their mom and I bringing our new significant others into their lives and, eventually, their dad getting remarried to a man. Throughout it all, I’ve made sure to be an active dad who is deeply involved in their lives despite a less than cooperative ex-wife. Well, this past Father’s Day, my kids gave me the best present I could have asked for. They surprised my husband and I by taking us to the theater to see Rocketman, the new movie about Elton John. Sitting there in the dark with my kids on one side of my and my husband on the other, I cried for almost the entire movie. Part of it was the movie itself… hearing the songs I loved as a kid and relating to Elton’s struggle to come to grips with being gay. The bigger part was watching this story with the people I love the most and realizing my kids really are OK with the way everything has turned out. I know they may sometimes wish I was straight and still married to their mom, but I also know they’re glad their dad can truly be himself. One of the big reasons I decided to come out is so my kids could know the real me, and hopefully learn the importance of being yourself even when the world tells you you’re wrong. After last Father’s Day, I think I’ve accomplished that goal.
I remember asking myself, what kind of example am I setting for them by not acknowledging such a basic fact about myself? And being amazed at how very quickly the accepted and adjusted. And now they're both adults and my partner and I are simply part of the family, no questions and no judgment. Just one of many things about coming out that I had hoped might happen, but really never actually expected. Happy Father's Day, @Spaceman, and glad to hear from you!
I wish I had gay fathers so they can understand me. I am happy for you, you had an amazing life with your husband and kids.
