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Being non-binary around SO's family for the hoilday

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by SkylarBlur, Dec 10, 2015.

  1. SkylarBlur

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    Hiya everyone~

    Just a quick post for some advice. I've identified for quite a while as Genderfluid, when I started dating my SO they knew this, and told their mum and family that "Sometimes she dresses like a boy" Which wasn't the best way to go about it. Nothing more was said, and I felt close enough with the family that I was able to be in guy mode etc.

    HOWEVER, after a whole bunch of soul searching I've pulled back and settled into simply non-binary, and it feels so amazing (I woke up this morning and truly smiled at the face looking back at me in the mirror, it's been wonderful.) BUT along with this, I've also asked for people to change to neutral pronouns.

    My SO's family will be there for Christmas, and that means a bunch of older generation folks that might not understand why a week ago I was a girl and now I'm in a tie asking to be called they/their.

    Should I just drop it for the Christmas get togethers? Not stir up a fuss? Thoughts?
     
  2. Secrets5

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    Hello,

    You could always say "Please could you use neutral gender pronouns i.e. they/them/theirs? Thank-you" and then you don't have to give the reason in case their is a fuss, but also so they can call you by the right pronouns. Older generation have been told to be respectful of people around them, and critize the younger generation for not doing so, so they should be - unless they're hypocrites. All of this is generally speaking, of course.
     
  3. Aspen

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    Have you talked to your SO about it? They might be able to give their family a heads-up--preferably in a better way than last time--so that you don't have to. You don't have to stir up a fuss to just say "Can you please use they/them pronouns for me? Thanks." Depending on their family, they might pick up on it right away or they might struggle.
     
  4. SkylarBlur

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    Thank you both for your replies!

    @Secrets5 This is a very good point, and they like me enough that I think it would be respected. I just found out that there is the perk of another non binary friend of the host attending as well, so it might not be too bad! Here's hoping.

    @Aspen Not really, they know that this request has been made, his sister does as well. And they both fully support me. I'm thinking this was good timing on my part though, as the weekend starts with a chirstmas party, where I'll be meeting lots of new people and can introduce myself properly.