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Being irreligious and having a religious partner (And vice versa)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Vega222, Aug 20, 2018.

  1. Vega222

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    Hi,

    You may have a religion (and do prayer and the things like that) and have an atheist partner Or vice versa. What do you think about such a partner and relation?
    If you've had some experiences about this in you relations, share them if you don't mind.

    As for myself, I don't have any religious belief and i feel good with it.
    But i don't mind and even like it if i have a partner with some religious beliefs (Not any kind of religious person of course!).
    I think it can make our life more "colorful" (I don't have any better word for describing it).

    Anyways, I wonder why exactly i like to have such a partner? :head_bandage:
     
  2. Vega222

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    I'm afraid maybe (partly) because i see some peace of mind in religious people. They feel better in some ways. Maybe i think (unconsciously) if i have such a partner maybe it gives me some peace of mind. :confused:
     
  3. Maddox232003

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    Okay. So yeah I am an athesist too. Tho i do have a few religious friend. no partner tho. And yeah about that... I don't think is a good idea to have a relgious partner. I mean like... So for example. Some Christians or the " Jehovah's Witnesses "... They def despise LGBQT, they said a bunch of crap that like " OH! We are not promoting hating on LGBTQ!" And maybe also some Muslims i guess? Their "Quarn" also despise LGBTQ. Not sure about Buddhism but from what i have heard from my teacher, she says Buddhism don't have anything against LGBTQ tho. But i am not really sure. But for all. I don't think religious partner is a good idea. Maybe aside from hatred to LGBTQ but aside from that i think is fine. And yeah. Why do you want it? Maybe you find them stable? Or charming? or modest?
     
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  4. Vega222

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    Of course i didn't mean that kind of religious person. I did mean someone who are religious, Just religious, But doesn't feel bad about LGBTQ.
     
    #4 Vega222, Aug 20, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2018
  5. CuriousLad

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    So not only does it depend on the religion but also how the partner chooses to practice it.

    So let's go a bit into history here. Buddhism was an offset of Hinduism and both the tolerant religions were created in Ancient India. Why their place of origin is important is because both ambitiously spread across the subcontinent peacefully without much military conquest, unlike their Abrahamic counterparts. To convert the ridiculously diverse ethnic and linguistic groups present in India, they preached through tolerance- of all Human variations including sexuality and gender identity. Buddhism vaguely tolerated basically everything while Hinduism actively embraced them.
    But after centuries of historical amnesia and imposed colonial morality, Asian countries are today some of the most regressive societies in the world. The homophobia here doesn't come from our native religions but from our conservative society. We also never had strict books like the Bible or Quran telling us how to live our lives so any Asian homophobe blaming their values on religion needs to pick up a history book.

    Abrahamic religions are a completely different ballgame though and a wannabe theologist like me isn't qualified to comment any further on them

    But in my experience being with a religious person, whether romantically or otherwise, is like being with any other person and depends on how willing they are to separate their beliefs from your relationship, how willing they are to not hold you to their standards.
    One of my closest friends is a strict Sunni Muslim (With the whole Hijab and everything) but she's been far more supportive of my sexuality than most of my atheist or agnostic friends simply because she knows better than to judge me by the Quran while those guys still suffer from a massive colonial hangover.
     
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  6. Maddox232003

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    Thanks for the heads up!

    And yeah... Like what you have said. Maybe religious people you mean like... More kind and caring and stuff? They are more peaceful modest and innocent? Maybe thats why you find interest in those peoples?
     
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  7. Vega222

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    About Islam, Noone can say how it thinks about homosexual relations for sure. Because Quran isn't clear enough. So we have different opinions and each one thinks his/her view definitely is the truth of Islam. So, Of course we can say Quran isn't against homosexual relations and i always say it if i wanna express Islam's view.
    But again, I can't be sure, Noone can.
    Of course muslims think different and most of them hate homosexual relations and think it's against Islam.

    Anyway, I have 2 religious Muslim friends and both of them are quite nice to me.
    Yes, You are right. These things also are some of the causes. It's very probable.

    As i said, They're also different. It makes the relation colorful. We can complement each other well. Maybe. :neutral_face:
     
    #7 Vega222, Aug 20, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2018
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  8. BiGoth1982

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    If you like to date religious people, then I don't see why it would be a concern. As long as they love you, are kind to you, treat you well, and respect you. If they are the kind of people you like to date and they make you feel good about yourself, then go for it.

    Personally, I don't think I could date someone who is religious, but that's only because I never attend religious services and I don't want to prevent someone from following their faith or practicing what they believe in.
     
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  9. Winter Maiden

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    I wouldn't date a religious person. My disdain for religion is too great.
     
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  10. PatrickUK

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    ^This!

    I have a faith (I'm a practising Christian), but I would never describe myself as religious and I'm certainly not "devout" or "evangelical". I don't hide my sexuality from the church and everybody is aware that I am married to another guy and he is an atheist/agnostic.

    Our relationship works because we don't attempt to ram our beliefs down each others throats. We have talked about our differing opinions in a calm and rational way and as a result we've found much common ground. We almost always arrive at the same socially liberal position on a range of issues, but my journey to that position follows a different course to my husband, because he goes on instinct while I tend to view life more through the window of faith.

    I think relationships can work, providing there is a willingness to budge from entrenched ideas. If an atheist considers every person of faith as naïve, blinkered and pious, it's not going to work out. Similarly, if the person of faith has an agenda to 'convert' their partner from wayward ideas, it's not going to work out. There has to be mutual understanding and respect.
     
  11. Lin1

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    I am non-religious and would date someone religious as long as they didn't try to convert me and accepted the fact that I am not religious.

    I have, on a similar note, dated people who we vegan/vegetarians when I am not and it hasn't caused issued.

    That being said, I would have a very hard time relating to someone who is deeply religious and believe every word of the bible or other religious book. I like to have interesting debates that challenge my brain cells and I think it would be hard to have interesting conversations when GOd would probably be their answer to everything.

    So I would be concerned about that.
     
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  12. dano218

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    That's interesting point about "God being the the answer to everything". Because I honestly seen the opposite from liberal to conservative people where God is not simply the answer to everything. You need to act if possible to affect change in your life and prayer and church are not enough and God wants you to act in order to make change or whatever in your life.
     
  13. Lin1

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    I mean there is this thing in religion where everything positive comes from God (miracles) but anything negative is down to either free will or God "having mercy" ("this kid died of cancer because God needed another angel and called him home") it's utterly frustrating.

    I never saw a religious person give the credit where it's due. Especially in medicine. It's always "Thank God for healing that child!" Yet every kid who dies due to war is down to "free will".
    I find it irritating at best.
     
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  14. dano218

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    I see what you mean. It is ridiculous for them only to praise God although I respect their right to do so but personally I seen enough christian who praise others for what they have done for them besides praising God. I don't understand exactly where that perception is coming from but maybe they are expressing their complete point of view and that is where the perception lies.

    For example when my bf died he happened to be baptized in this church a few weeks before and church members are saying he was meant to be baptized because a few weeks later he died as a result of a house fire. While I could understand the concept of things happening for reason it is a part of christian I find somewhat absurd and don't really relate too. While my boyfriend died I lived and was in a hospital for two weeks suffering I had to deal with the impact and still dealing with it. What was God's purpose for that. It is a confusing concept and I don't exactly agree with Christians using logic like that although I understand aspects of it as a religious person.
     
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  15. Maddox232003

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    And here is a thing i pulled from a christian bible religion thing. Call " Jehovah's Witnesses"... I am really starting to be sick of religion... They use a fact from Science which indirectly says about the sexuality of people, here this... “Through my biology classes in school, I learned that during the adolescent years, hormone levels can fluctuate greatly. I truly think that if more youths knew more about their bodies, they would understand that same-sex attraction can be temporary and they wouldn’t feel the pressure to be gay.”. As a science nerd, sure hormones do fluctuate but through recent research the hormones that affect the sexuality is mainly when the baby is being impregnate in the mom's womb. Which means the sexuality is permanent. But the main thing is that... They tried to tell people to shed off homosexuality like that's easy? I mean seriously? And when defending themselves who don't practise religion they says like " Oh is just my opinion, you have no right to say against it". Sure it is their opinion but the way they wrote it is that YOU should take in their opinion. Which i find very absurd... And not promoting homophobic? I think is the opposite way around.
     
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  16. BothWaysSecret

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    I'm someone who is religious. I practice my faith, but I'm not extreme. I attend church, observe religious traditions, but I'm not a Jesus-freak.

    I fully support an athiest's right to not believe, but I honestly don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who was athiest. Partly because I want to have children someday that I'd like to raise in my faith, and an athiest partner probably wouldn't want that. I could see myself getting into a lot of arguments with an athiest partner.

    I'd never force my beliefs on them, and I wouldn't want them to force their beleifs on me. But it still wouldn't work because there'd be a part of me that would be silently judging them.

    I'm weird with the whole thing. But for me, as long as you believe in a god (doesn't have to be my god), then I could probably have a relationship with you. I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but it's how I feel.
     
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  17. e6000

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    I am a Christian, and I dated someone agnostic for about two years.

    It never really felt right to me, not because she was agnostic, but rather because she had very little respect for what I believed in, and more than once would look up random Bible verses out of context to use them against me and make me feel bad about something I said or did.

    I think that it is perfectly fine to date someone who is religious if you're respectful of their beliefs, and if you're willing to let them discuss their beliefs with you without making them feel bad that they're religious or that you don't share the same beliefs!
     
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  18. Lin1

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    Out of curiosity, what would you judge them for?And why judge an atheist but not someone who believes in a different God that has nothing to do with yours (buddhist etc...)? What's the difference? (Genuinely curious)
     
  19. BothWaysSecret

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    This is a great question. Honestly, I have difficulty wrapping my head around the idea of not believing in any higher power whatsoever. I mispoke by saying that I'd judge them. I'd just have extreme difficulty understanding them. With other faiths (such as Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism, etc.), even though they don't necessarily worship my God, they still believe in and worship something/someone. Which means they may share similar (but not necessarily the same) views on an afterlife as I would. Also each religion has "rules to live by". Atheism doesn't have that; there's no order. I wouldn't feel comfortable living without some set of guidelines to follow. Plus, many athiests I have met tend to heavily criticize those who believe in some sort of god.
     
  20. Lin1

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    Atheist/agnostic here so probably the demographic you are talking about but why is worshipping something/someone so important to you? Your second point about not following certain "guidelines" is interesting because it's part of something I dislike about religions in general. If you need a book and/or a guide to be a good person and someone (Jesus or else) to tell you, you need to help others and not judge others, are you even a nice person? (talking in general terms here) I am not religious but I have morals and a code of conduct, my code of conduct isn't based on a spiritual entity but on my own morals and what I perceive as fair and the right thing to do and on the fact that I want to go to bed knowing I have done the right things. I don't need to be religious to give my time to charity or to people in need, I don't need bible verses to accept people come in all shapes and forms and will make choices I would not make for myself and that it's okay (as long as it doesn't prejudice others), I don't need to be a follower of a mainstream religion to stand up for what's right and fight against what's wrong, I do it, because I believe, not in Jesus. But in a fairer/better world for myself and future generation and I believe in leading by example.

    I have a problem with religions and their dogma because religious people often seem to feel the need to "preach" to others, they just don't seem to be able to just live their faith in silence and as they wish without wanting to tell the world about it which I find irritating ( you don't see atheists knocking at your door to talk to you about how God doesn't exist) especially as most religious people seem to like to pick the bit and pieces they like of the book they are supposed to follow and yet dare tell others how to live their life.

    You, for example, don't really follow the bible considering you are bi and, I assume, have been involved with men (yes I know the whole debate about whether or not God is actually against gays or not, but it's all interpretative speech and at the end of the day there is no proof, one way or the other, that God would aprove or disaprove so abstinance should be the most adequate (though ridiculous) option). How many Christians use contraception? How many Christians judge others? You have these "set of rules to live by" yes but how many actually live by them religiously? When the old-testament stopped being convenient probably because of "too many rules" not being really unforceable in today's world it stopped being recognized as the actual rules to follow (who even got to make that choice?), now not using contraception wouldn't be convenient so most use them, it seems like all those "rules" religious people have to live by are easily changeable and adaptable depending on the person. Religious people and atheist aren't that different, the only difference is that we are more open about the fact that we don't follow specific rules and live life like we see fit while religious people will overlook the fact that they also don't really follow rules but will tell you all about the part that they do follow while judging you for not living exactly according to the bible/ Quran etc...


    Again I am accepting of all religions as long as they respect my choice not to believe but it's true that I am highly critical of religions and religous people as there is a lot of hypocrisy going on, even just looking at it from an hystorical point of view. How come most wars have been started by heavily religious folks and supported by the Church throughout centuries? look at the inquisition and how without remorse religious folks would happily torture and kill others "in the name of God or what's right by him", look at slavery and how religious "owners" had no problem torturing/enslaving/abusing/raping fellow religious folks they deemed of a lesser race, look at WW2 and how many religious soldiers had no problem sending kids and elderly folks to gaz chambers and stealing their property, look at what's going on in Syria/Europe and how religion is once again at the center of human suffering and pain. What good is it to have "rules to live by" if nobody lives by them. And yes, I see it coming the "free will" thing but in the entire history of religion, very little good has been done that couldn't have been done without it, in fact, I think the world would have been a much better place had religions never existed or been prohiminent like it has been. Those religious books and their rules seem to have served no purpose to humanity but to give a select amount of people more power and a sense of moral high ground and I think that's probably why many atheists are highly critical of religion. Or at least that's why I am critical of it. And why I am curious and try to understand why you couldn't date an atheist (who may have good morals and values) when the Church has often been the first one to break all kind of rules set by the bible and proved many times again that being Christian/Religious means really "fuck all" when it comes to being a decent human-being or not.

    I guess what I am saying is we are all flawed, we are humans, many of your fellow religious folks would have tortured you or killed you had you been born in another era (during which religion was more dominant) just for being bisexual (and in many countries they still do), many religious folks would have probably raped, tortured and enslaved me had I been born in another era, so if you are going to look with a critical eye at atheists (which is fine) why not take the time to also look at your own religion/beliefs with the same eye and see where they may be coming from and why they may feel the way they do about your religion? I think it's important to never believe in anything blindly and keep a critical eye (it doesn't mean you have to agree or change your mind, just listen to why people feel the way they do and who knows, it might be a learning curve for all. I do learn a lot from religious folks without having to agree with their vision.)
     
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