My girlfriend lives at some distance. Our respective family responsibilities mean that we can only see each other every other weekend. This past weekend something happened at home - a setback for one of her children - that she found it difficult to handle. She is really down about it. I am there for her emotionally. I was sympathetic But she says she doesn't want to communicate with me in words. She wouldn't pick up her phone and didn't respond to my messages for many hours. She says she wants a hug and I'm not there. She says I don't understand her loneliness. I'm hurt by that and incredulous. Her parents and siblings are in her life and she has a brilliant group of friends. Her Mum is warm. Her Dad is warm. She has a loving family. Whereas my parents are barely on speaking terms with me - even more absent in my life than before the marriage break up and the news of my sexuality. They didn't even call to wish me well when I started a new job recently. How can she assert that I do not understand loneliness??? I am both lonely and isolated. I do not foresee a time when I will ever be able to be open with my work colleagues either.
And this morning she is texting me like normal. I didn't sleep well but she says she's brighter. I don't feel like being close now.
If it’s bothering you, then maybe it’s best to talk to her about it, now that she’s processed it more? It is a little confusing as if she couldn’t tell her friends and family then surely she would want to talk it over with you?
Thanks Drizzle. I just don't deal with the hot and cold thing very well. I think I have an ambivalent style of attaching and that pushes my buttons. I need to feel included in my partner's life. And I need to hear the words "I love you" and "I value you". I'm basic AND I'm insecure. I can handle my partner going quiet so long as I feel loved - that my feelings are considered in the equation.
I understand being isolated, my only family that I really talk to lives more than five hours away. I only have my husband family who are self centered and toxic. Maybe you can write her a letter to about how you’re feeling and send it to her.
