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Being bored in relationships

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by IronGospel, Sep 5, 2019.

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  1. IronGospel

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    It’s that everyone else sees it to be boring but I like it. It’s quiet and I like that. I go out and do stuff if I want but I don’t feel like I HAVE to just to fill my life for others sake.

    Which is why people usually leave, they catch me during when I’m out doing stuff but when they see the reality behind it they leave.
     
  2. Chip

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    So what we have is a strategy that has been shown repeatedly to be ineffective, no desire to change it out for a strategy that does work, and no desire to consider that your perceptions about yourself, and that no others could potentially find you appealing, may not be accurate.

    That is a near-guaranteed strategy for continued misery.
     
    #42 Chip, Sep 29, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2019
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  3. silverhalo

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    Perhaps the issue is that when you are meeting people you feel you need to lie about your life to make it sound more interesting so in reality you are attracting the wrong kind of people. If you like your life then thats great but you need to meet someone that also loves that life and you wont find that by lying about it.
     
  4. IronGospel

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    It's not that it's that when they see my actual life then they don't want to stay.

    I think you are forgetting that the main problem is that I am not enough for other people even though I am for me. I like my life, but it's a bit lonely and even though I want to have company or someone to share it with I know that my entire past experience shows that people don't feel the same way. That they only stuck around when I "lied" (more like just played up a little things that happened to make it sound like I was interesting, obviously leaving out being hospitalized for suicide).

    The thing is that you aren't there. People talk in a group like I don't exist, when I speak they look to other group members and don't even listen, and when I wait for my turn to talk I have to repeat myself almost ten times just to be heard. I mean I know I don't have much presence but to have literally the same reaction from everyone I talk to makes me wonder if I am that boring. I mean I don't have exciting stories or anything candid that really happened (nothing that would be appropriate for polite conversation that is), so I'm slowly growing used to being invisible. It's like all the social skills and tools I have been taught were useless. Even when I get phone numbers people don't call be back, and all I said was "hi' to confirm I had the right number. So if the advice I was given wasn't working......then what else do I do? I can't control people.

    I'm getting tired of the act though. I'm just thinking that it's not really worth the effort to perform for people, to know your lines and say the right thing at the right time even though you don't believe it but you know they'll love it. IT's like creating a persona people will like, but you know is fake. The reason I "lie" is because there hasn't been anyone so far that likes my life as is, even my own family thinks so. I have to face up that I'm just not enough for other people and maybe that is ok, maybe. I mean at least if I learn to be alone I won't have to pretend my reactions to things.
     
  5. silverhalo

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    So when people leave your life what do they say to you?
     
  6. IronGospel

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    Something along the lines of "not having anything going on". Or the common reply is that I live a "quiet life" which is a polite way of saying boring. Or needing to get out more. Things along that variation. It's kind of like the "spark" is gone if that makes more sense, but there would have to have been one.

    Usually I get the "quiet life" line because it's meant to sound dignified in some manner. But I know it's because I'm just not as interesting or entertaining as everyone else. It hurts, yeah but I can't control their feelings so I just take my lick and move on (mostly).
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Have you always had these issues with friendships?
     
  8. IronGospel

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    Yes, because it always falls back down to me. At the end of the day while I have enough for me it’s not enough for anyone else. It makes for a lonely life.
     
  9. silverhalo

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    Would you say you suffer from low self esteem?
     
  10. IronGospel

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    Not exactly but I guess it would be the result of my reality of not being enough for others
     
  11. silverhalo

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    Have you always exaggerated things when you meet people or did you used to just be honest?
     
  12. IronGospel

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    I used to be honest and that didn't work out well. Now people will actually stay longer but I have to exaggerate a bit more.
     
  13. silverhalo

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    I dont feel as though exaggerating is ever going to be the answer as the truth is always going to come out and when it does I doubt it is ever going to end well. Of course I am not in these situations so I can only imagine, I cant help but feel that there is something more going on than your life just not being enough.
     
  14. IronGospel

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    There isn’t. It would be nice if truth won out but I learned that only works if your truth lines up with what people want.
     
  15. silverhalo

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    But not everyone wants the same thing.
     
  16. IronGospel

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    No but they want at least “something” and I don’t really have that
     
  17. silverhalo

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    But how can you know you dont have it if you dont know what it is.
     
  18. sublimeprincess

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    That irrelevance sounds miserable. You know, you know yourself best, so you'll do what you think is best. Have you thought about going to a therapist? Or do you think it's best to figure out what's going on by yourself? Or do you prefer receiving comments from people on EC?
     
  19. sublimeprincess

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    I suggest pridecounseling.com
     
    #59 sublimeprincess, Oct 7, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2019
  20. Chip

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    He believes no therapists will help, all therapists are incompetent, and that the psychology field is a joke. He also knows better than every therapist on the planet, and therefore none can help him.
     
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