hey, so i just started self-identifying as bisexual as of recently and i’m kinda lost on what to do from here. i’ve been single for a while now (over two years) because i was struggling with my sexuality. now i wanna get involved with girls but i don’t know how to put myself out there without outting myself to friends and family, since i’m not ready for that step yet. anyone have any advice?
Hello, @t grace! Honestly, my advice would be to take time and be patient as you navigate this new discovery about yourself. There's no rush to jump into anything relationship-wise until you're ready to, and it's often easier to do so when you don't have to hide your relationship from your loved ones due to still being closeted. You don't have to rush into telling anyone either, of course. It's all about being sure you're ready and above all, that it's safe for you to do so. Of course, you can still date someone on the DL, but it does pose its share of challenges and the risk of being outed before you're ready. So above all, I'd recommend working toward coming out when you're ready to, and then think on the next step once it's done. But I cannot stress this enough: only come out if you're safe to. This involves reflecting on your relationship with your parents and other family members, friends, etc. and being sure they won't be hostile toward you if/when they find out. If there is any danger of you being abused, kicked out, etc. then it's so, so important to either wait until you are financially independent of your parents, or at the very least have a contingency plan in place (i.e. another place you can go if you are kicked out/treated poorly, such as a friend's place or a trusted family member).
Hey grace, welcome. No need to come out if you don't want to, or feel is an important step for you right now. Self acceptance is a huge step on itself, and not everyone is as brave as us. If you want to meet more Bi girls, try to get in touch with local LGBT associations. It's old advice, but still valid. Dating sites have all pros and cons, but you can try those as well, if your age and situation allows (taking the common sense precautions, like meeting first on some public space, telling a friend you are going on a date and so on). Don't get entangled in anything online for long, unless you want to risk a quite bitter dissapointment. About online communities, there are a couple of websites, but Bisexual resources are nowadays IMHO nowhere near to LGT, they seem scattered and regrettably (in some cases) of low quality. Representation on the media is getting better though, little by little. The fact many chose to identify as Pan and other labels, instead of the traditional Bi (which really means attraction to more than one gender) complicates matters in terms of Bisexual visibility. Not saying Pans shouldn't identify as Pans, just pointing out how it is now. On the other hand, regardless of the labels controversy, more and more Bisexuals are coming out now, which means things on the visibility department might change very soon. Congrats in accepting yourself. You've done a favour to all of us!
