1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Been Lost/Confused My Whole Life

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Wrecked88, Feb 4, 2021.

  1. Wrecked88

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2021
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I am 32 years old now.

    I grew up intrigued by men my whole life. I had experimented with a friend when I was a preteen and had an interest from there on.

    In school, I did not quite fit in. and it was not because of this, I just did not fit in. I was a little overweight and struggled with my self image. I never came out fully but some people knew, and told everyone and i was scared so i denied it.

    I joined the Marines and experimented with men a couple times, and have always thought of myself to be gay because i desired men way more than i desired women. However, I have always dated women. But I am always asking myself if im gay.. i always want a man sexually.. and now I am married to a woman...idk what to do.. anyone?
     
  2. LilLady9

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2021
    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    196
    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey Wrecked88, welcome to the EC community.

    Hearing that you have a desire for both men and women leads me to wonder if you might be bisexual. I would spend some time thinking about what you desire in men and what you desire in women. I think this can help you better understand yourself.

    I also had a same sex experience with a friend around that age and had an interest from there on. However, like you, I have also always dated women. I spent years going back and forth thinking I'm gay and thinking I'm straight. As I've gotten to know myself more, I have realized I just like women and men differently. I'm sexually and emotionally attracted to women and only emotionally attracted to men (I have to develop emotional attraction before I find a man attractive.)

    I hope this helps in one way or another. If you have any questions, just let me know. I'm here to help!
     
  3. Wrecked88

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2021
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.. I wish I was more sure cause I have been back and forth forever and feel like something big is being held back.

    and I am more sexually into men, but i develop feelings after
     
  4. quebec

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    4,173
    Likes Received:
    2,347
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Wrecker88.....Hello and a great big LGBTQ+ welcome to Empty Closets! There is a subforum here on EC that is titled "Sexual Orientation". If you post there I think you'll find people who will understand how you feel and will be able to offer support and understanding! We are so glad that you have found us here on Empty Closets!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    Wrecked88 likes this.
  5. Wrecked88

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2021
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank You fellow Idahoan!
     
  6. Spaceseed

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2020
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Are you sexually attracted to men and romantically to women ?
     
    LilLady9 likes this.
  7. Spaceseed

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2020
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    39
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    What has drawn you to date women , attraction or social pressure ?
     
    LilLady9 likes this.
  8. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone

    This sounds like internalized homophobia to me. You aren't comfortable, outwardly, acknowledging your attraction to men, so you date women because it's the appropriate thing to do. At least, that's what I'm picking up from your post.

    When you masturbate, without porn, do you ever think about women? Or mostly/almost always about men? With your wife, do you find yourself genuinely turned on and sexually excited by her? Or do you fantasize about other things or people when you're with her? Those questions can help to answer things for you.

    Also, to address one of the other posts: There's no data or credible support for the idea that there's a discordant split between romantic and sexual orientation, so my advice is to rule that out. It usually just confuses things rather than helps.
     
    Lyman and Lesbee like this.