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Becoming Authentically Bi

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SevnButton, Jan 3, 2020.

  1. TrevinMichael

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    Just know I am here for you buddy.

    None of this is easy. Not sure how I got to where I am.

    TM
     
  2. SevnButton

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    Am I ready to be authentic?

    A woman at work has a pride flag at her work space. I've been wanting to reach out to her, but I wasn't sure of how to do it. This week I got the perfect opportunity and I did it. I said simply, "I'm pleased to see your rainbow flag", and "Courage is contagious". Then we talked about how cool it is to work for a company that supports diversity, and even displayed the pride flag out in front of the building last summer. Then I said, "I'm stand with you".

    She told me she's working on getting a Pride group started at our site. Yikes! After wondering how to be more authentic, now I wonder if I'm really ready.
     
  3. LostJedi

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    Ha! That gave me a good chuckle!

    It doesn't sound like you'd have anything to lose and everything to gain by participating. But I think I understand your apprehension.

    For me, at least, it sometimes feels like joining a conversation in the middle. Everyone is already on topic and at ease and I feel like an intruder or an imposter. Perhaps one of the pitfalls of questioning/coming out later in life. But so far, no one but me has made me feel like am intruder, so it is something I need to get over.

    When you join the Pride group, try not to be recording secretary...:laughing:
     
  4. Tightrope

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    I'm happy for you. I really am. I like your first sentence best of all. There are many out there, in numbers, maybe not in percentages. I can't really say what has worked well for me, though. We need safe people around us. I've learned this from more than one therapist. I'm not much of a joiner. I just live day to day and life depends on who I am interacting with and how I connect with them.

    I haven't met many out bisexual men who are married. I know a few who stopped having sex with their spouses long ago and their wives don't seem to care much what these guys are up to because the wives have a career, they are more into their kids, or they like the institution of marriage more so than what a marriage really requires. Things haven't changed all that much for the genders. It's still easier for a bisexual married woman and it's harder for men. There's no correct answer on how men should approach this subject.

    If the rainbow was arched, I don't think it meant anything. It was something that had its turn being a cool thing to put on a car!
     
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  5. justme32

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    I have considered just putting a cute little bisexual bumper sticker on my car and leaving it at that. I haven't, though, just because I do clinical outreach and it feels really unprofessional to be pulling up to peoples' houses with that bumper sticker on my car. Not to mention, I was shocked when one of my families started complaining that they hoped Frozen 2 wasn't going to be politicized because they heard that Elsa might be cast as a lesbian character and that they really hoped not... in my head I was thinking "sucks that you're such a bigot living in such a liberal place". I diffused the situation and offered a different perspective and then they backed down and seemed kind of embarrassed, but still...I just don't want to jeopardize my relationships with my clients.
     
    #25 justme32, Feb 9, 2020
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2020
  6. Jakebusman

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    To me there's nothing wrong with showing pride
     
  7. justme32

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    Yes- pride is one thing...but having boundaries as a social worker is another. I’m not really supposed to self-disclose anything to my clients. Disclosing my sexual orientation would be appropriate if it could be directly relatable to the clients I’m serving but it’s not. They’re supposed to see me as someone who will listen to them without judgement and if one of my clients is anti-LGBT then having a bisexual bumper sticker could really damage our relationship. That being said, if hateful rhetoric comes up, I’m free to use some motivational interviewing strategies to help them adjust their thinking. But, once again, I would never self-disclose that information unless it was relevant to my client. Therefore, it would be very unprofessional of me. It would actually be just as unprofessional of me to talk about my daughter and show my clients pictures of her. It’s just the nature of the work I do.
     
  8. BiGemini87

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    I feel you so much on this, OP. It's hard to do, because it's not exactly something that comes up in conversation all that organically. I've done little things, but I'm fairly certain if anyone notices, it will only be people who share in being bisexual or in being LGBT--I have a bracelet, a resin ring, and use the bisexual circle on my social media profiles. Judging from the silence, I'm fairly certain none of the straight people in my life know (aside from my husband and daughter, but that's beside the point).

    I think it's true when they say coming out is constant. You sound like you're getting closer to making it happen, so major kudos. I hope it is a fulfilling experience for you. :slight_smile:
     
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  9. Robyn mac

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    I am out to some people. Yes I am a big male that is part trans. My long term girlfriend got me to admit I am bi. She has introduced me to some bi and fay males to date and discover. We have joined a bi local group that meets once a month. Although she is straight and has told the group so she is well accepted. We have met many people who became friends and enjoy them together very much
     
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  10. VanBo

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    I am 49 and just told my wife I was bisexual about 4 months ago, and we have been together for 15 years now. I suppressed that side of myself for a long time. Now I am trying to balance telling a few friends, but I am careful of who I tell. So far besides my wife I have told two people. Both are women, one being a bisexual friend of my wife and the other a friend through the music community. I have picked a male friend I want to tell, but so far have not worked up the nerve. And this is the least judgemental/most accepting guy I know. Anyways, I don’t really know what my point is here. But I can relate to this thread. I agree with the OP, this is a great site. And you are all amazing, beautiful people for sharing something real about yourselves.
     
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  11. olderwiser

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    Wonder what kind of a society it would be, if people did not have to hide their sexual preference? It might be more open, easy flowing, loving, and considerate. Wouldn't that be a much more interesting and so much more livable society?.
     
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