BE HONEST: Does race matter when dating?

I think that may be the case for some people. But it does not explain why some people have a preference for "the other". Why a white person from a predominately white country might also like people with darker skin. Is it really that they are just more open?

Maybe its just a modern thing but if anything I see a sizeable amount of people (white and black) have a preference to mixed-race skintones or skintones in the middle (neither dark nor pale). Your Kim Kardashians, Beyonces, Halle Berrys etc. That also seems to be the skintone that people "strive" for in terms of what is perceived as beautiful (with people of whiter skintones people tanning, and darker skintones bleaching to get there). Type in "most beautiful women in the world" into google and the vast majority have a similar skin-tone (between an "olive" tone and light brown).

We've coped for thousands of years letting our gut instinct determine who we find attractive so I don't think we necessarily need to over analysis it now. I say just go with the flow, its only when you are repressing your desires (I'm not dating him because he is X" that there is a problem). And I think lesbian and gay people are already made to feel bad enough about who they desire, without having added guilt over their preferences.

We are all individuals at the end of the day, with different likes, desires and needs. I'm certain that there would be people across every racial group who would not be attracted to me (maybe for being too tall, not tall enough, for having blond hair instead of brown, for being too pale, too skinny, not hairy enough). It really doesn't bother me (as long as there are some people out there who do like me!). I've met loads of women and gay men who detest beards and stubble, I love them (although I wouldn't turn necessarily turn down a hairless man). Some straight men like small boobs, others huge boobs. The beauty is in the eye of the beholder as they say.

Hell it would be nice if we got rid of the whole notion of beauty and we all found every single dateable person sexually attractive (it would sure make things easier) but that ain't happening anytime soon.

 

If I had a line-up of hot guys of every ethnicity, I'd probably be tending more toward the white, mixed and south Asian type men, but since that's not a reality, I'll take whatever I can get!

 

No, I am saying that the presence of sexual desire in a species develops out of the desire to reproduce. It is a vital aspect of nature. "With who? When? How?" doesn't matter. Whether the individuals masturbates or finds a partner is irrelevant. Heterosexual people use contraception all the time. Do they suddenly lose their sexual desires? No. The root cause of sexual desire, the cause behind this distribution of of hormones, is to encourage reproduction in a species. Nature isn't jumping into minds and choosing each mate for each creature, but it is because of the presence of sexual desire that life is able to sustain itself. Preference on pigment, eye or hair color aren't not comparable, nor innate.

First, there is a preference of blue eyes in predominantly white communities. Unless, you have research to support the notion that countries outside of the European and American world (i.e. the majority of the human population), where over ninety percent of the inhabitants have eye colors of varying browns have overwhelming preference for blue eyes. Oh, but polls created by the first world are notorious for leaving those things out aren't they? Secondly, the hype around blue eyes is that they are a rarity. People also tend to prefer certain gems and stones. Those, however, are not innate dispositions.

Why? If those gems were gone, no one would love. If blue eyes never mutated into existence, this preference wouldn't exist. The very meaning of an innate, genetic disposition is something that was birthed without societal influence. If one born into a community of one race, they would only be attracted to that one, exist race. The preferences of their parents does not matter. Though regardless of were a human is kept, it will get hungry. It will get horny. Those are examples of genetic predispositions.

This is why were are having this stagnant discussion. Where in the world have I insinuated this? Was it somewhere within my posts throughout this thread, directly after the sections where I explicitly and repeatedly state that holding these preferences does not equate being racist?

I genuinely cannot think of any other way to reiterate this. I'm sorry to be the one to break that news that no one rolled out of the womb as they stand today. I'm sorry that so many aspects of our minds were crafted by society. A society with prejudice. A society with racial and gender inequalities. A society that greatly influences what we believe to be beautiful, moral, and acceptable. To whomever doesn't want to accept that reality, I'm sorry. But it doesn't negate the reality.

We can believe that everything is perfectly fine with the current ways of thinking. We can believe that none of these things effect us. It couldn't possibly have to do with societal influence. Those who find comfort in that belief, I understand. Ignorance is bliss.

 

But surely you could counter using your own argument and say Person A in your example "wouldn't only be interested in White guys" (he has himself to "blame" if he is and he himself would be hurting other groups e.g. non-whites also) - i.e. in an ideal world he would find other racial groups equally attractive so why would disinterest from one group hurt him? It may slightly narrow his dating field sure, but when are our dating fields ever that open and free (we all face rejection)?

Either he himself has preferences and so is "hurting" others according to your argument (and so equally guilty), or he is lucky enough to have no preferences and so has a wide enough potential dating pool to not give a :***: if a one group doesn't return attention.

It would obviously create a problem if it was rigid: all white people only liking black people, all black people only liking Asian people, all Asian people only liking white people. In that scenario there would be no mutual attraction. But in the real-world their is enough variation in preference to mean that mutual attraction can be found.

 

I don't want to sound like an ass but I genuinely cannot understand how you can be gay but care about what race someone is, like we (gay, bi and transgender people) are a minority ourselves and know how it feels to be ostracised, so how can you exclude someone for being a different colour? I know that some people find other races more attractive etc but I don't see how race can matter in our community... Of course this is just the way I think though.

To answer your questions, no race doesn't matter at all. I have been attracted to people of all races.

 

But again, why, if I have only really been raised with negative ideas and portrayals of middle-eastern people do I still find many middle-eastern men attractive. If societal influence on sexual preferences was that strong surely any attraction to middle-eastern men would have been muted or repressed by my brain?

In contrast why do I not find some white men sexually attractive when I have been raised in a white-favouring society? Its not necessarily to do with standards of beauty even, I don't find many white male-models attractive for instance and prefer "average" guys. And why do I really need to worry about all this?

In straight people there is research showing women favour certain traits depending on their reproductive cycle. Similarly for straight men they may be attracted to certain signs of fertility in women at certain points. Should they be feeling guilt or "rethinking" exactly why they find people attractive. Should straight men stop themselves to think "Phwoar I really like that brunette with the rosy cheeks, but come on brain, lets give that blond over there a chance today to ensure a bit of equality" Of course not! Let nature take its course.

 

I think it does to be honest . I 've been told because I'm black I'm lower on the dating poll , but some guys and one girl so far of a different race have it on me . but i've been told I'm too dark by someone and they will not date me and they said if you go lighten up I'll date you .

 

We have a suicidal person here, heh! Just get to one of our prisons. All of your wildest dreams will come true.

Seriously, though, my parents seem to be trying to make me marry an Asian (like me) girl of equal social standing to me once I am of age (that is, in my late 20s). I kinda don't like when they do that. Sure, they raise good arguments about how Asian girls are better in a multitude of ways...

But I kinda don't like things being forced on me.

 

As far as I'm concerned, most negative stereotypes surrounding Middle Easterners (which is far from being some static, monolithic ethnic group) have more to do with politics, religion, and history. Arguably, a lot of them are probably closer physically to whites than blacks or East Asians (which is probably why they tend to be mentioned, along with Latinos and whites, in list of preferences). In fact, there are plenty of Latinos and Middle Easterners who "are" white (or could pass very much for). Not so much for many full-blooded blacks, East Asians, or native Americans, Australian aboriginals, Maoris, long considered "primitive" and "sub-human" for their different physical makeup, among other things...

And both blondes and brunettes can both be found in white people, though a lot of the ideas we have regarding people with these hairs are all over the place; eg ditzy blonde. I've yet to hear of hormones or reproductive cycles influencing which races/ethnic groups a woman is turned on by; I've heard of things like preferring certain personalities, expressions, etc. on the other hand.

By the way, what do you see as being "average"?

 

'Lower on the dating poll'? Jesus, that's awful. Something similar happened several years ago to an America's Next Top Model contestant on a photo-shoot with some Spanish male models. Part of the brief was that they had to kiss but the guy told her flat out that he would never have kissed a black girl otherwise. Of course she was completely distracted during the shoot and ended up being sent home at the end of that episode. I felt terrible for her. That guy was a douche.

 

Are you asking that if society had an influence on your attractions, then why don't you find all white men attractive? Would you ever expect to find an individual who finds all people of one race attractive? Is this argument really that "I'm not too fond of this type of white guy and I have fancied a middle-eastern guy before so everything that is being said in this thread is obviously invalid"? Really?

This is again, not a valid comparison, as the brunette hair and rose cheeks to do speak on the woman's fertility. Those studies are being misrepresented in this argument because they speak on breast size, weight, and hair length which are all traditional symbols of fertility. Race is not. Because of that those preferences are, again, not innate.

In all honesty, the beauty is that you don't have to. Clearly, you don't want to. It is obvious that the only thing you are hearing in this conversation is that people are calling racial preferences racist, despite every attempt of others to explain otherwise. The negative aspects of society and the standards it pushes forth might effect most, but not you. Maybe racial preferences couldn't have been innate scientifically, for unarguable reasons, but they clearly didn't apply to your mental growth. Since that is the case, there is no reason to be offended by the opinions that are shared by others in this thread because, as you have explained, you are special and they don't apply to you.

 

Wow, a lengthy trip to a festival and this blows up a lot more than I thought.

I'm reading through the rest of the thread now but I felt the need to highlight this. Glad to see some members trying to show acknowledgement that there is a difference between gender and racial 'preferences'(if you can even call the former that when it comes to monos). The latter can be stuck deep depending on how your upbringing was, but it's still on a whole different level than what the former is, as has been pointed out here a million times, it seems.

 

Way to fail.

*facepalm*

 

Facepalm is about all I can summon at this point...

 

Do you both have room for one more? :-/

 

No, I'm just saying its all about "types". Everyone likes different things, and if preferences are caused by society they will naturally shift anyway as things improve. I do think there will always be people with certain tastes but again as long as everyone is covered it all works out.

You have described a perfect society where there is no racism, everyone finds everyone equally attractive which I'll admit does sound perfect and will eventually come to be relaity. However in the meantime you seem perfectly willing to hurt my feelings. I was only expressing my experience, but with comments like "clearly you don't want to" and "you are special and they don't apply to" it definitely feels like an attack which I find really upsetting. I would say before judging someone based solely on an experience that many people across the world have and before today I'd never even given two thoughts to, think about how your own potentially undesirable behaviours (using sarcastic and sardonic remarks to belittle someone).

I'll hold my hands up, I sometimes have a "type" or "preferences". Not hard and fast rules, and certainly not race-excluding though. But I would never, and I mean never set out to hurt anyone with comments. That to me is a far worse trait than merely holding preferences.