1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Attention Asexual Transguys

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Kodo, May 27, 2015.

  1. Kodo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    1,826
    Likes Received:
    848
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I really want to meet other people like me. Just someone who is similar, or whose going through something like I am. I feel so lonely - like I'm literally the only one like this. It makes me feel like a freak.

    Is anyone here ftm transgender and asexual? I don't want to be mean or discriminatory against everyone else, but I just want to know if there are people like me. I don't have anything against anyone else though - so you can post here too if you have advice for me.

    If you are, here are some questions:
    -Did you find out you were ace or trans* first?
    -How do you think this is different from what other trans*people or asexuals go through?
    -Does the fact that you're trans and ace give you any problems socially or romantically?

    For me, I often feel like I'm never going to be in love or get married. After all, what kind of person would want to marry a guy whose not only trans* but also can't/won't have sex with them? I already have no friends so this just ensures my future to be alone forever. And when I tell my family that I'm trans* they will disown me. So I'll have no one.

    Just want to talk if ace trans*guys even exist or are reading this post.

    Thanks,
    Rhys
     
  2. Bastian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2014
    Messages:
    55
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Old Continent
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Fox, you are definitely not alone. Another FTM ace here! And glad to meet you, Fox!

    Now, your questions -
    First I was ace and then it all went the trans way. I thought I am really, really weird because I have found sex boring, even repulsive, and I really did not know why do people love making "it" so much? Are they all wrong? Or am I wrong? Then I thought that I was submissive and that I just have "special needs" in this area. Oh my God, I could not have been more wrong! All my sub/dom experiments turned awfully, awfully wrong. I am definitely not into this. Okay, I gave it more thoughts and explorations, went through this and that and then finally!! it was all sky clear. But realizing I am a transdude did not increase my sex drive. I am attracted to men, very much if you please, but I don´t want to sleep with them. No, thank you. Just no.

    Your second question: no, not now. I am out to few of my close friends and maybe this year I am about to tell my parents. Maybe! My other friends probably think I am a little weird and little funny, but yeah, whatever. There is less chance they´d go after your neck if they laugh with you. Ofcourse, the love issues is much, much worse. I try not to think about it much. What are my chances? Can I just come to a pretty guy and tell him everything? "Sorry, it´s not a cute girl, you are about to date, it´s a super hot dude - please, please, just get over it, will you... And BTW, I am not gonna sleep with you, never."? I don´t think so. I think it is not fair to anybody.
    Forever alone, getting old alone, dying alone... I try not to think about it, not now, but I know I´ll have to one day, and it scares the shit out of me..
     
  3. Matto_Corvo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2015
    Messages:
    2,270
    Likes Received:
    50
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hello, an a gender ftm ace here.

    I figured out I was ace before I found out I was trans. It was pretty obvious when I had no sexual attraction to anyone and the thought of having sex made me anxious as hell. Also wasn't to into it when in had sex, and masturbation isn't so much a fun thing and.more like meeting a need my body has, kinda like peeing or eating. That being said I am still attracted to men on a romantic level, though when I think about dating a man as a girl I find I would rather be alone. I think this has a lot to do with me not seeing myself as a girl. I do know that if I am in a relationship and we are together long enough, and person expresses desire for something sexual I will try for them. I don't think it fair to demand a sex free relationship, I just want them to know I am doing it for them and not because I actually enjoy it (I know some people will jump down my throat for that)

    Not sure how to answer the second question. Every trans person has a different story as does ever asexual.

    Me and my brother are both ace, as is my best friend. I am lucky to have an accepting mother when it comes to gender and sexual orientation. Though she isn't all that educated on either of those things. My best friend is understanding of me being trans.
    I am not out about being ace or trans to the rest of my family. When I started dressing more masculine my aunt and cousin immediately assumed I was secretly a lesbian and would go "you need to find yourself a man.... Or a woman if that is what you are into." They find me weird since I'm not out chasing men and getting laid. They wouldn't understand being ace or being trans. My aunt believes that man has to have a penis.
    So yea, social interactions are weird for me.
     
  4. oncetherewasa

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2014
    Messages:
    68
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Yep, though I identify a bit more with grey-a since I don't know what the future holds. I definitely knew I was trans before knowing I was ace because as far back as I can remember, gender and all things "gendered" confused and angered me.
    I always felt weird, out of place and disconnected in a group of girls or when thinking of doing "girl things". I only had boy friends growing up and it was always different with the girls that I would play with occasionally, like I was hanging out with someone of the opposite sex that I literally had no connections to. I would get into arguments with them too, over some boy vs girl opinion like whether video games or dolls were better XD

    Thinking back, it was fairly obvious I had no sexual attractions from a VERY early age. I had a few elementary school crushes then one crush on this guy in 9th grade but sexual inuendos went right over my head and everyone's obsession with sex confused the hell out of me. I understand sex and how it works, why people do it, etc now but it still boggles my mind that people can be so obsessed with it, desperate for it and crave it so intensely and so often. I know some people who say good sex is spiritual to them.. that really blows my mind haha, it's beyond my comprehension.

    Now as far as having a word for what I was feeling.. I found the term asexual before transgender so it could be said that I "knew" that first, but I'd always known I was trans, really. I just tried to deny it for a long time.
     
  5. I'm a gray ace transguy.

    I found out I was trans first. It took me a really long time to fully accept myself as gray ace because of how confusing the definition of sexual attraction was to me.

    I don't know how to really answer the second question without writing something and then changing my mind and rewriting so.

    I'm not out, so it's a little hard to answer this question. But I have been in a few relationships and I don't think being ace was an issue back then but I was also a lot younger. I definitely feel like it's harder to find someone who doesn't want to have sex in today's society but at the same time, asexuals are becoming more known and the community is growing so I think it will become easier to find someone else who's ace.

    Sorry if I got a little off topic a few times from your original question but I wanted to add a bit more.
     
  6. Entrian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2014
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Asexual, and Aromantic guy here!

    I started IDing as trans when I was fairly young, and I didn't really start questioning my sexuality until I was about 13 and in my first relationship.

    I think a lot of trans kids have a hard time with understanding their sexuality because of how intertwined our society tells us gender and sexuality are, even though they're completely different. We're taught that MEN love to have sex with WOMEN and that WOMEN don't really get to feel sexual attraction, but they should be in relationships with the OPPOSITE SEX. All of which is ofc total bullshit. A lot of the time, gender and sexuality diverges naturally for people in the LGBT sphere, but if you're trans and queer then you have a harder time with figuring things out. Adding the weird confusion over what being sexually attracted to someone is and you get a lot of misplaced thoughts and confusion and it takes some time to sort out.

    Rhys, It's important to remember that there are so so many people in the world and you've got an incredibly long time to find someone for you. I'm currently transitioning (while aro and ace) and being supported by my wonderful fiance, who loves me for me. You'll find someone too. Plus, all of us are your friends! So don't worry there.
     
  7. Mischief

    Mischief Guest

    Hey there, yet another asexual guy.

    I found out I was Asexual before truly discovering my identity. I have always cringed at the thought of sexual intercourse, but I guess, I may find changes in that when I go through surgery etc.

    I feel as though me being Asexual has made me feel as though my parents somewhat question my identity, as though I am simply using the fact that I may not be able to have sex as my excuse. I think that's one way trans* people can differ, but we all suffer the same kind of pressure from peers to "sex up" regardless of how many times we must repeat our dislike for the idea of sex.

    Personally, I am the same as you. I first thought I could possibly be ace due to the fact that I was simply accepting the fact that no one would want to be involved in me romantically or sexually.

    Being ace and trans* is tough. But we are who we are, and we simply cannot change it. :slight_smile: