I've got a lot of good things going for me in life, but I can't seem to get my head out of my obsession with my dysphoria. It's destroying my life inside-out and I can't stop it. I can't stop myself from identifying as a trans guy and I can't ever be satisfied or close enough to being a real man. I feel like I'm going to end up breaking down and killing myself by shotgun in a fit of anger within the next 5 years. I just don't know how to live with knowing that.. .I'm a guy who will never pass as one, will never have a body that functions like one, no matter how many surgeries or anything I get later on. I just want to be a normal guy, dating women. I never signed up for this. I seriously feel like my brain is effed up 95% of the time. I don't want to live if I can't find someone to love. I've had no luck dating and it's just been hell.