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Asked to leave funeral cortege

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by wardrobeescaper, Jul 10, 2019.

  1. wardrobeescaper

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    Hi all

    One of my friends mums died suddenly last month. She had been really supportive of me and her daughter who is a lesbian. She always had time to listen and loved marching in the Pride parades in our city. Anyway, I couldn't take time off work to go and I get way too emotional at funerals. I work near their home and I was told when the cortege would be passing so I thought ok I'll get out of work and watch them come past and pay my respects so to speak. Anyway I walked down to the street and I saw one of their friends who is a bit of a homophobe standing there with a couple of others. I said hi to them and stood to wait for the funeral to pass, but then he turned to me and blunty told me to "go somewhere else away from here". I said "yeah ok" and found a place out of sight. Now I feel awkard and really upset. All I was doing was trying to show respect to my friend and the mum who had supported me.
     
  2. DecentOne

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    I’m glad you found a way to pay respects when her funeral was passing. That was a nice idea to step out to see it go by. I hope you let your friend know that you got permission to do that during your work day, and see what else your friend might need for connection and support.

    The world has too many folks in it who want to control what they are afraid of... like the homophobe standing at the street. Sometimes funerals bring out the worst in people too, grieving people lash out over perceived “last straws” when they might not do it otherwise. Do you feel you need to speak up to that person at a later time, to stand up for yourself?
     
  3. wardrobeescaper

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    Thanks. No I won't waste my time with him because it would just end up making me angry and reminded of people's ignorance. I was just feeling upset because at first I thought it might be awkward me hanging around in their road just to see them pass. I hadn't mentioned to my friend that I would do this as it was a spur of the moment thing and I figured she would have more important things on her mind. When I saw others I felt releaved that I wasn't on my own but then offended and upset then I was asked to leave.
     
  4. TwoFeech

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    I'm sorry for your loss. I know you already know this, but sometimes it helps to hear it from others again: the person who asked you to leave was being unreasonable and mean. You should have been allowed to mourn in peace.
     
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  5. wardrobeescaper

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    Thanks man
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    It was really nice of you to take time out to pay your respects and I'm sorry it didn't happen in the way you had hoped for. Even so, you did pay your respects in your own way, albeit from a different location. Some people might have encouraged you to stand your ground, but the last thing you would wish to do is cause a scene at a funeral. Sometimes we need to pick our battles (and the timing of our battles wisely.

    I don't know if your friends mum was buried or cremated, but would it be possible to go with your friend to the final resting place to pay your respects? That would be a really nice gesture, if you are up to it and your friend might appreciate it a lot too. What do you think?
     
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  7. wardrobeescaper

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    Thanks Patrick. She was to be cremated as far as I'm aware. I heard that the service was good. I've been told of a memorial service that is going on today at the local church which is open to everyone so I am going to attend and sit at the back if needs be.
     
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  8. wardrobeescaper

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    Update. Just got back from the service, the person who told me to leave yesterday wasn't there and although most didn't know me they were welcoming. My friend did a great speech and was really greatfull and thanked me for coming.
     
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