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Asexual or late bloomer?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by dyingbutthrivin, Oct 30, 2016.

  1. dyingbutthrivin

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    Okay, so basically, i'm 13. And I haven't experienced sexual attraction to anyone. I have experienced arousal and I do masturbate, I guess I do have a sex drive? whatever that means. But never any sexual attraction. I thought it was because I was a late bloomer but now im not so sure. I talked to my Asexual friend and they said that 'time will tell' and everything but that doesn't actually comfort me at all. Like I know i'm being hypocritical cause I support ace people but I don't wanna be one of them y'know. God I feel really guilty for that. It's mostly cause i dunno, I don't wanna have something I'm missin out in life or whatever. and also, the enviroment i'm in right now, is not exactly safe for people like me. I have pretty bad anxiety man, i'm gonnabe tearing myself up for months. I've always been interested in relationships or whatever and I do wanna have sex and stuff but there's never the attraction. Only arousal. Which is weird because I know alot of people who I think are subjectively attractive but I've never felt the whole attraction 'fire in my loins' feeling or whatever. so if you could, pls help cause is it still possible i'm a late bloomer? Because i am only thirteen.
     
    #1 dyingbutthrivin, Oct 30, 2016
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2016
  2. Chip

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    I can completely understand the concerns you have, and anxiety is pretty difficult to deal with to begin with, without having additional concerns to further fuel it.

    It is very, very common for people to not experience sexual attraction and desire until their much later teens. Most likely, you're a perfectly normal hetero or homo or bisexual person, and at some point in the next 4 or 5 years, you'll feel sexual attraction kick in. It's also worthwhile to know that anxiety can, by itself, suppress sexual desire. So that's likely a part of it as well.

    Based on what you're saying, you don't seem to fit the pattern for asexuality, if we are using the widely accepted definition. So I don't think you have anything to worry about there. As much as you may not want to hear it, this is likely something you'll just have to wait out and see where it takes you.
     
  3. dyingbutthrivin

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    Thank you. Honestly, that means the world to me. Really.
     
  4. Creativemind

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    If you feel desires to have sex, you probably aren't asexual and just haven't found someone you like yet.
     
  5. Brytaleith

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    Hi friend! I'm not sure if 13 is even considered late. Your asexual friend is quite right. See, most people start experiencing sexual attraction in a range of ages. Some might start at 13, while other start at 18. Only through your experiences over time will you be able to draw a pattern that might lead you to your sexuality.

    Really, there is no need to bear a label right now. You might actually be asexual, or you might not, but there is no knowing for sure, because the future is weird. Even science, which is a load of facts, is constantly changing and being revised. Now, if science, with thousands of researchers and rigorous experiments still have to keep updating thousands of years of knowledge, how can it be said that a label picked at age 13 is fully representative of your sexuality?

    Revel in the uncertainty. You can do loads of things when you aren't tied down to a label. Take time to really understand and discover your sexuality, because when you finally find it, it will be so much more than a label.

    Have fun!

    (If you really happen to be asexual, we'll be here for you! <3)
     
  6. darkcomesoon

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    That's totally normal. I don't think I experienced sexual attraction until I was about 16/17.

    Also, I'm not sure I've ever experienced anything like a "fire in my loins". There are a lot of ways to experience sexual attraction, and the idea that people who experience "normal" sexual attraction are constantly walking down the street thinking "I want to have sex with that person" or feeling burning desire on a regular basis is totally inaccurate. There are people who are like that, but there are plenty of people who are nothing like that, and we're not all ace because of it.
     
  7. BookWriter1994

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    I do want to have sex with someone.. At first, I thought it would be with a guy but I had never experienced sexual attraction towards them all my life. I know, crazy right? But then, I started questioning my sexual orientation and I realized that I started having sexual attractions towards girls and wanting to be in relationships with one and it's slowing starting to make sense to me.

    You're 13? Gosh, you have plenty of time to figure that stuff out. Just take your time and don't make any risky mistakes okay?