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Are we losers?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by fadedstar, Nov 5, 2018.

  1. fadedstar

    fadedstar Guest

    Sorry if this is too offensive to ask.

    I couldn't help but notice the same few usernames (of which I am one) pop up repeatedly in response to all the questions being asked on this forum. Do you think you use this forum as a substitute for face to face social interaction?

    You'd think there would be more people in the world struggling with their identity than this. I suppose there are other forums for lgbt people and not everyone speaks English either, but still... it seems like such a small number of people and it's the same people.
     
  2. Love4Ever

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    I honestly have no idea. I do use this forum a lot because I live in a small southern town with very few gay people. So this really is the only outlet I have right now. I have also met some wonderful people on here. I don't consider you or anyone else on here a loser.
     
  3. Love4Ever

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    IMHO there are may reasons people might be on here a lot. Some people don't work, or work from home, some are kids/teens, some people might be housebound in some way, or chronically ill. Some people might be homeschooled, some might live rurally, some might be overseas far from home in a foreign country. There are lots of reasons.
     
  4. Kira

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    I'm (unfortunately) in the Bible Belt, and the locals are pretty adamant about the president. They constantly cheer every time I see human rights getting shelved and rolled back... yeah. I have a feeling I'll be resorting to online communication until I can move somewhere more logical.

    I also have Asperger's syndrome, along with spending a lot of time home while I recover from something else. Can't say I get to talk too often right now, especially with like-minded individuals... even if I'm negative most of the time I appreciate being able to be part of a group for once. This forum and most of the people on it have done a good job of reminding me that there's still a reason to keep trying, and still many fighting to fix these issues new and old.

    If I'm to be completely honest... there's a lot of validation to it. I look at an article documenting the world's race backwards and instead of the usual "Heck yes, kick those minorities harder!" I see at home, it's "No! What are they thinking?" and suddenly I'm not alone.
     
  5. alwaysforever

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    I don't think so. I think some people just want to help. Also, just because one aspect of someone's life doesn't go well, doesn't mean other aspects do as well. On the contrary, many members of the LGBTQ+ community are overachievers, going above and beyond in various fields when opportunity is presented.
     
  6. Love4Ever

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    Yes, agreed. A lot of gay people are very high achievers. Look at my uncle for instance. He is gay, and he is also very successful because he worked hard to get where he is. He is also happily married but that didn't happen overnight. It took several years. I'm sure he had moments of doubt but look what happened! He's very happy now.
     
    #6 Love4Ever, Nov 5, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2018
  7. Hawk

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    Same here. I also come from a very small town, and there's not a lot (or any) LGBT people. Those who are LGBT, have either moved away or I have just lost contact with.
     
    #7 Hawk, Nov 5, 2018
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2018
  8. fadedstar

    fadedstar Guest

    Yeah, I suppose those responses make sense. Living out in the middle of nowhere isn't great for lgbt people. I guess if I lived in a larger city/town where I could form better/more consistent connections and meet new people without the hassle of commuting I probably never would have joined this site.
     
  9. Lin1

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    I live in a big "queer" city, have friends, no real problem dating and come on here daily simply because I enjoy reading the threads and there were moments were I struggled with my sexuality and now I have got the insight to help people who are where I used to be so take the time to do so.

    There used to be much more people on here, it's a shame that it seems to have changed but I don't think the people who are still around are losers, in fact most of the regulars are the ones with their "shit together" so to say who come on here to help others just because they can.
     
  10. Love4Ever

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    I remember a few years ago too. I was only a lurker back then but it used to be more active. Some people I "knew" back then are also not really here anymore.
     
  11. Chip

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    There's quite a mix of people on here. Some of us have very active groups of friends and activities in real life, others are more introverted. Some live in areas where there are lots of gay people around, others in very remote or hostile areas. I don't think there's necessarily a strong correlation between lack of socialization and increased EC activity; as others have said, people are here for different reasons.

    One thing I did want to address: Traffic is down, in part because of the shift to the new platform which caused reindexing of all of our posts, and, additionally, Google in one of their recent updates, de-emphasized results from message boards. We have access to grant money from Google to promote EC advertising, and have been waiting to use it until we get more staff on board. That's starting to happen now, and that, along with adding more content (articles, etc) that is on our project list, are things that we think will make a pretty big difference in traffic in the long run.
     
  12. alwaysforever

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    That's really good news. Not the part about the re-indexing, but that you are working on a solution to the problem. Thank you for the update.
     
  13. smurf

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    So this is an interesting thing that happens in online spaces.

    If you had a room with 100 people coming to be together and help each other out, the organizer would be ecstatic. You wouldn't feel alone or that 100 people aren't enough.

    But for some reason in online spaces unless we have thousands of people chiming it, it feels weird. Obliviously because we know just how many people *could* be here, but I think its important to be in the moment and appreciate what is happening.

    You have LGBT people from all over the world coming together to figure this shit out. We all know how fucking painful being LGBT can be and we are all here trying to make it just a bit better for those who we can help. That is not nothing.

    I personally have stuck around for so long (I started using this forum back when I was 18 so 10 years ago) because I know the effects that it had for me. It allowed me to meet other LGBT people, talk to them, learn from them and if it weren't for this website then I honestly don't know if I would be here today. Sounds melodramatic as fuck, but back then I was in a lot of pain over being gay. This is the only place that I had to come and unlearn all the crappy shit.

    I do think the website is outdated and slowly dying. It sucks, but I will do my part as long as I can until I figure out a better way to do it.

    I would disagree with this a bit.

    EC makes it hard for people who no longer need this space for support to stick around. Its not dynamic in ways that other online communities are. 10 years ago the internet was a completely different place than now and EC hasn't been able to adapt sadly. And that is not to blame anyone. Staff is volunteer, the servers are being donated, so its a miracle it has gotten this far truly, but its simply surviving and not innovating what online spaces can be for LGBT people. At least not anymore.

    But for me one of the best things that EC brought me was happy LGBT people. I still remember an EC advisor who was getting married and was sharing the details of planning his wedding, pictures of his husband, pictures of his family. It was great being able to see that side, but now if you want to see LGBT people going around you have A LOT of youtubers to choose from. You have people on instagram that you can choose to follow to get your dosage of happy LGBT people. And because EC doesn't have a social media presence because of its anonymity policies, then it does hinder people just sharing their lives with others.

    But all that being said, I think EC can be an amazing resource for many people. Even with the fights and debates, you wouldn't have been able to see those conversations happening anywhere else. You wouldn't be able to understand where a lot of LGBT people are coming from, even if you disagree.

    So no, I don't think you are a loser for using this place so much. But if you feel like you are using this place to hide from the real world, I would encourage you to change that. Use this place as a launching platform. Use us to talk about your fears of what you are trying to do out in the world.
     
  14. ThatBorussenGuy

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    I'm on here because I live in a Red state, in an area that voted heavily for Trump (I'm talking Trump/Pence signs in every other yard in 2016), and I don't really have anyone around here I can discuss these things with. I'm sure as hell not out where I'm at. I don't think people stick around because they're "losers". This site can be useful for a lot of people, especially those in hostile areas.
     
  15. Rade

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    I'm here as I like it, I've had support and still need support. I like supporting others too. I think posting on line you can be truly honest and generally no one can gets hurt. I don't think any of us are losers. I may post for a long time. It's not like you come out and everything is ok . I have the burden of moving at the weekend. Being along, sharing my kids with my ex, I'm emotionally a reck, I could go on but won't. It's a nice place to hang out. I do the interaction at LGBT so try and balance reality and online.
     
  16. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    I've been a member on EC since 2012, when I seriously got into the questioning phase. EC has helped me figure out my sexuality, and I've "evolved" as a person, and I've come to accept my sexuality as a part of who I am. I stick around because I want to be able to give someone who is struggling that little nudge toward a better self, or give them advice on something I'm familiar with or have gone through myself.

    I must admit, though, that I do have social anxiety, so I don't go out much, least of all to meet new people, LGBT or not. On bad days, I can't even go to the grocery store by myself, and that happens a lot. So to me, EC is an escape. It's a safe place where I can interact with like-minded individuals and just unwind a little. I'm fortunate that I can browse EC from my work PC, and if that should ever change, I can always access it from my phone.

    EC is not only a helpful and friendly site, but also a way to ease some boredom when it's quiet at work. Like I said above, it's an escape. And I probably wouldn't have figured out my true sexuality so quickly if it hadn't been for EC. I walked into this virtual world wide-eyed and full of questions, and have made some great online friends through EC. And I love that EC protects its members by bringing in some strict no offsite contact rules, and it's a place where I can be myself without worrying about what the other people think. I've also gotten some good advice on issues unrelated to sexuality.

    To put it simply: I don't think anyone on EC, new members as well as older members, are losers for sticking around after all their questions have been answered and after they've figured out their lives.
     
  17. Rade

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    I like your post, it sums some of us up well....have a good day....
     
  18. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, have a good day too :slight_smile:
     
  19. Totesgaybrah

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    I’m here because without this place I would still be entirely in the closet.
    Now I’m out to everyone and so I don’t have the questions I used to or need the support that I once did, but I still enjoy coming here to chat or maybe help someone else.

    I live in a super small rural area too so that’s a good reason for me to be here.

    I’m not a loser but I wouldn’t call myself a winner either.
     
  20. regkmc

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    This forum has been incredibly helpful for me to read others’ experiences, write out some of my own, process, and feel much less alone in what I am going through.

    I don’t always feel like responding. Sometimes it feels good to read an inspiring answer. Sometimes I have the strength to offer someone else assistance or insight on what I’ve learned.

    I don’t know that it’s always healthy to solicit answers from others on everything in your life, especially from virtual strangers. It can serve to confuse. But - it can be “addictive” to have people answering you, or “liking” your comments.

    So like anything, I think limits are healthy. Maybe switch to ESPN.com for a bit?