1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Are genital preferences transphobic?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by JustAskin, Jul 6, 2020.

  1. JustAskin

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2020
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    None of those things applies to me, I just want to know what other people think.

    Basically on reddit there is this whole debate about lesbians not wanting to date trans women that haven't had a surgery. There are lesbians who say that any lesbian who would turn down a trans woman because of her penis is a transphobe. And then there are lesbians who feel "pressured" to like penis because of the previous mentioned people.

    I mean, if they'd say things like "eww! I hate trans women for their penises!" or "trans women aren't real women!" then I'd understand the people who call them transphobic, but is it really that transphobic to just have a genital preference? I mean, there is a fair amount of bisexuals who dislike any kind of genitalia and nobody calls them sexist because of that. It can be kinda understandable for some lesbians to feel pressured if they're being called "transphobes" for their preferences
     
  2. alwaysforever

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,137
    Likes Received:
    161
    Location:
    Maine
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There is nothing wrong with having a preference. That isn't transphobic. Outside the realms of dating, though, exclusion based on genitals for things like public spaces, being part of a community, taking part in activities generally would be transphobic. There is plenty of that sort of treatment already. The two are not the same.
     
  3. alwaysforever

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2014
    Messages:
    1,137
    Likes Received:
    161
    Location:
    Maine
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I will point out that as a transgender person, what I would desire in a romantic partner would be for them to love me based on who I am as a person. Being with someone who doesn't want me, doesn't find me attractive, wouldn't be something I would want anyway. Dating as a transgender person is super difficult, because it's a battle to be treated with respect in the first place. Very few people are open to dating, and rejection is common. Not to mention the fear of violence.
     
  4. EleanorHunter

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2013
    Messages:
    750
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Coming from a relatively-cis lesbian, I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have a preference, but I do think it's wrong to automatically shut down the idea of dating someone who hasn't had bottom surgery. For one thing, that shit's expensive and, from what little I've heard, not a super easy recovery. Second, sex needs to be a conversation more than anything else. You gotta figure out what BOTH sides are comfortable/not comfortable with, and find out if you're on the same page or not. And that goes for any combination of genitals being involved!

    I really think it's more of a grey-area issue rather than a black and white one. You have to take into account both sides' sex preferences (and sometimes even their trauma), not just the preference of the cis person.
     
  5. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,352
    Likes Received:
    95
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    If its used to deny someone their gender (you're not a REAL man or woman unless you have ___), then yeah. A lot of "gender critical" folk fall in this category.

    I think if someone is sure of what they like, no amount of pressuring should make a difference. Its wrong to accuse someone of being transphobic when they aren't, and especially to pressure them into sex.

    I've always found the idea of being attracted to genitals strange, but then, I'm not most people
     
  6. AnxiousJB

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 5, 2020
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    There's absolutely nothing wrong with 'genital preference.' I do not think people should guilt themselves into shame through not being attracted to someone who isn't of the same sex as them, because they're scared about being transphobic. Look, I have sympathies with anyone who is trans, but myself and others who aren't attracted to the opposite sex, so a transman is unlikely to attract me, because I am only physically attracted to the same sex. I do not think it's healthy to be guilted over sexual preferences and consider any attempts to frame this as transphobia to be as unhealthy as homophobic straights who say we can be converted from our sexuality. I think it's important to be vocal on this for this reason. Many of us, myself included, felt shame and embarrassment because we only like the same sex; I am not going to sit well with suggestions that I could be attracted to the opposite sex if I try, based on their gender identity.

    To reiterate, I have nothing against people dating transpeople, and do not have anything against those who do so, but please do not make out that we can just learn the gay away and physical attraction based on sex characteristics because of gender identities. That shit is not very different from evangelicals trying to pray the gay away.
     
  7. Leah R

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2020
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think there's nothing wrong with preference like that in a romantic partner. Generally, anyone is allowed to decide not to date someone without a reason. I think the only caveat is to interrogate your preferences and make sure they're really yours and not something you adopted based on others or convention. If they are yours though, you're not obligated to try and fight them and if you do try, it will probably be a fruitless fight because we don't generally choose our sexual preferences.

    People can be straight, gay, bi, poly, or whatever. And then there are the terms I've heard a little bit called Phallophile and Vaginophile; basically 'genitals matter to me sexually and these are what I prefer. I think its important to remember that all these terms we've made are just tools. Even ten or twenty years ago the extent to which gender and genitalia were tightly linked in most people's minds was way greater. You could identify as a Lesbian and the case of women with penises just wouldn't come up for most people at all.

    I like labels, I think they're useful tools for communication but they're the beginning of a conversation, not the end. With any denomination of sexual orientation, gender identity, or what have you, the label isn't going to cover all the nuances.
     
  8. Halolala

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2020
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This. To each their own, but for me personally this is the least "important" part and I don't think genitals make a person.