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Are gay people less likely to be romantic?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Tre, Mar 23, 2018.

  1. Tre

    Tre
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    What I mean by romantic is believing in true love and Prince Charming. I feel like being gay has bursted that bubble pretty quick. Sure I’ve had crushes where I felt like I found true love, but since your crush is far less likely to show anything resembling liking you back when you’re gay I got jaded pretty fast. I’m so jaded I kind of feel asexual. I just don’t have enough hope to have feelings for anyone.
     
  2. Destin

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    Its kinda the opposite for me. After multiple failed relationships when I was straight I didn't believe in love anymore. Then I fell in love with another guy accidentally and its been the best and most romantic relationship of them all.
     
  3. Keith857

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    Being gay (for me at least) hasn't really dumbed down my romantic abilities, hell it's probably improved them, now that I know who to please.

    I guess it depends on what you're looking for in a partner
    -k
     
  4. the prince

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    I used to believe in Prince charming but now I find it really hard to believe in love again, I feel I am chasing rainbows. :sob::sob:
     
  5. Chip

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    I could hazard a guess that because so many LGBT people suffer from the barrage of anti-gay messages we get (directly, from organized religion, conservative bigots, mainstream media, and other sources, and sometimes our own parents), we are likely more numbed emotionally than our heterosexual peers. As a result, the numbing likely may make us less emotionally available, hence less 'romantic' per se. This could easily explain much of the hookup culture that is so pervasive, at least among a portion of the population.

    Of course... many of us have overcome that. But on the whole I suspect it contributes significantly to a lack of access to our emotional vulnerability, leading at least some of us to be less romantic.
     
  6. Tre

    Tre
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    Can you give me some advice on how to be less numb about love and attraction? I want to feel those feelings for people, but I rarely do.
     
  7. OGS

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    It may be different with men, but I tend to think gay men are the only true romantics left in the world.
     
  8. Blast

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    I dont really get romance. I feel like its this hollywood lie.
     
  9. 21zephyr

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    I haven’t been with a guy yet, but I hope to hell it is romantic when it happens. Personally, I’m a romantic kind of guy. When I finally have a relationship, I want to be romantic by leaving notes, remembering special days (not the mainstream days, “Us” days and making our dates memorable. I’ve been in the closet so long, I’m ready to show my affection for someone. Hope this doesn’t scare him off, though. Romance in my book is connecting with someone whether it’s a touch, making them laugh or showing how you feel about them. I have no problem telling someone I love them.... wish someone would come into my life so I can actually say it.
     
  10. Creativemind

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    I'm more romantic than my straight peers and much more sexually conservative than them.
     
  11. Chip

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    Brené Brown has done a lot of research in this area. Her three TED talks (Power of Vulnerability, Price of Invulnerability, Listening to SHame) give a good introduction into her work and explain the issues. Once you understand the issues, her books "The Gifts of Imperfection" and "Daring Greatly" have some useful guideposts and instruction in learning to live more openly and vulnerably. That's where I would start. I've found her work to be life-changing for me since I discovered it in 2011.
     
  12. Devil Dave

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    Of course, there's nothing more romantic than a guy asking if I'm top or bottom before he even knows my first name. :smile:
     
  13. OGS

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    I genuinely do find gay men to be extremely romantic. I've had guys write me poetry, send flowers, cook romantic meals, make a couple pretty horrendous birthday cakes (it was clear that neither of the men involved had done much baking) and one really amazing one (it was clear that he had). One guy messengered a get well kit (trashy magazines, chicken noodle soup, fresh orange juice and the like) to me when he couldn't get away from work and I was ill. They showed up at my work with picnic lunches and tended to plan the most elaborate dates. It was quite a revelation to me. I'd dated women and had no idea what it was like to be wooed, to be elaborately courted and to be able to court in return. I realized in retrospect that the women I had dated had always just sort of sat back and let me drive that aspect of the relationship and, frankly, their expectations in the romance department were a lot lower than those of the men I dated.
     
  14. Assassin'sKat

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    Well, I don't believe in finding the one, I believe things happen by chance. There is no such thing as soul mates. I see the concept as kind of silly when applied to real life situations. But does that really have to mean I am not as romantic? I still think love is awesome, I prioritize it over sex, and hope to someday act like some girl's prince(ss) charming. I am romantic af, even though I don't believe in "the one" or whatever.
     
  15. Celapalais

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    It depends on how you define romance. Some people want flowers and passion, while others like me I'm okay with anything that makes me smile. But I also want to point out that passion that we often identify with romance does not necessarily mean long-term success and happiness. From my understanding, I romance in a relationship is not spontaneous, it grows through time properly spent together.
     
  16. KnucklesNation

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    I blame society for the lack of romance, not sexuality. From what I've seen, people just want to get their rocks off and are either too impatient to get to know someone on a deeper level or too lazy to put forth the effort in making a genuine connection.
     
  17. Chip

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    One other factor (constantly on my mind, but reinforced by a radio program on NPR this morning)... men in general are aggressively programmed to not express vulnerability and "weak" emotions, and love and caring are often included in that category. Gay men may have "unlearned" some of those behaviors, but much of the societal programming we get growing up remains, so that can also influence how gay men, at least, view romance.
     
  18. Devil Dave

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    Agreed. People don't have time for romance these days. It's so easy to find someone to get off with, then go back to binge watching netflix or whatever it is we do these days. We can't be bothered to put in the effort to form a special relationship with someone because that requires us to make changes to ourselves. It's not easy to find someone to make that special effort for, but it is easy to find someone who just wants a quick shag and that's it.


    Also agreed. I'm sure a lot of gay men still think of their sexuality as something that is sleazy and needs to be dealt with discreetly. Kind of difficult for gay men to enjoy the idea of romance when there is still the fear of being laughed at and even attacked in the street for any public displays of affection, something straight couples don't have to worry about.
     
  19. wannahavechange

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    I am very romantic and believe in all that mushy lovey dovey fairytale b.s. i mean why not ,right? You gotta have something to look forward to. So I'll just wait in my castle till my prince comes on a majestic horse... And if he doesn't I'll be fine bc I have yaoi and nutella :heart_decoration::heart_decoration:
     
  20. Kodo

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    Hell no. I know a lot of people who are LGBT and very romantic. And me? I'm a hopeless old fashioned romantic.