Hi, I have no idea where this post would go, so I hope it's in the right place. I've been quite active in a UK political party and recently decided to run for local government. The party in question is LGBT friendly, however, I've recently encountered an issue with them regarding my appearance. Now - I am, by all visual accounts, a man - however, I've always felt that my gender is somewhat non-binary, or gender non-conforming. I don't look especially non-binary, but I have always had long hair because it makes me feel more comfortable, and because I don't like looking like men - or at least the male stereotype of having short hair -it makes me feel very uncomfortable and upset and causes me to dissociate from the world and from myself. To complicate matters though, I'm also quite badly balding. I've been planning to try to fix this with a hair system, and/or medication, but I'm not going to be able to afford this until later in the year. Additionally, I also had a work accident a few years ago which has left me with a visible scar on my forehead - so even if I shaved my head and tried to just grin and bear it... it just looks appalling. It's also such a radical alteration to my appearance (shoulder-length hair to bald) that it makes me completely close down on all levels. The last time I shaved it I sat in the corner and cried for 3 hours and I just felt dreadful about myself. I feel so ashamed of my appearance and can't bear anyone seeing me like this. Anyway - I've tried to fix this by just wearing hats, and this has proved fine up until now. However... today a senior party figure advised me not to take this the wrong way, but could I do something about the long hair and take off the hat because people know me as "that guy with the hat and the long hair" and that it won't look good on the doorstep if I am selected as the party candidate. This person knows (or should know from my application) that I am bi, but doesn't know anything gender-wise. I'm also not particularly comfortable talking about it, having a) never previously needed to and b) not really knowing how to describe how I feel, or having anyone else know how I feel either, or c) having any community that I can really turn to (hence posting here). I thoroughly appreciate that this is entirely a situation of my own making for running for selection in the first place whilst having these issues, but I don't really know what to do or how to think about it, and receiving these comments has sent me into a bit of an emotional breakdown, particularly as I will likely have to make any decision on it within the next week, so I could use some advice. Thanks
Oh my, you have my sympathies, not only for the issue regarding your hair (I've had a morbid fear of male pattern baldness my entire life) but for running for political office as NB at a time when UK politics could not be more unwelcoming - we have recently had the Conservative candidates for PM trying to out-do each other to see who is the most transphobic. To be frank, any advice I'd give would depend on a) where you are in the country and b) the demographic of voters you're attempting to appeal to. Ultimately though I think you're trying to square a circle here - UK mainstream parties (ie the three main, SNP, PC and Green) tend to like their candidates to look fairly mainstream, and a hat + long hair still screams eccentricity. It might have to be a choice between your political career or your hair. Sorry I can't be more help, but good luck with your campaign! Beth
I once heard a gay person say that every time they left their house in their small, conservative city, dressed as they dressed, talked how they talked, and just was themself, they made a political statement. You could just let your appearance be your political statement. Maybe the party will be right or maybe the voters will respond to your authenticity and you not being just another over groomed, over polished show poodle of a politician
I understand a lot of your concerns. I know the UK is currently salivating over how much it can marginalize us; as a US citizen, you have my sympathies for sure. I also empathize with your concerns about your hair; I wouldn't say I'm going bald, but it's still something I fret over more than I should. The obvious solution I have regarding that is a wig. Believe me when I say there are some that look very authentic and are hard to differentiate from the genuine article. In the meantime, as you wait to get treatments, that might be a solution worth researching. As to the former; your political career and its personal implications... well, that's more complex, obviously, but I will be frank. I wouldn't ever dare ask a person to risk any part of their lives or their safety in service to our cause, but we absolutely need boots on the ground now more than ever. Transpeople need representation in places our enemies can't ignore or marginalize, independent of what side of the pond we're on. If you can be one of those people, I strongly encourage you to do so. I know it's difficult and complicated and you're uncertain. I also know you're not on a site called "Empty Closets" because you're out and free and everything is great. So if you decide not to pursue this, I'm not going to stand in judgment. Just think about it. I know there's more than just one woman's opinion to consider here, and how you ultimately feel about it matters most, however those of us who can set examples should, whenever possible. Love and good vibes, honey, I hope you're staying safe regardless of how things turn out!
