I am just curious of something that I feel still upsets me since I dreamed about it. Last year, I had a friend who I was a little hesitant in being friends with in the beginning. She would push me to be friends and I didn't want to due to idk I just had a gut feeling that it wouldn't be a good thing. However, once we no longer worked together I said well I have to give people chances so I gave her a chance. I started hanging out with her and I thought she was idk just a new person to get to know. We started to hang out alot and the she would bring her friends while I brought my friends. Anyways, as time went on I felt that maybe I should hang out with her less simply because I was starting to see her as more than a friend, however I never crossed the line. One day, I invited her out since she was having a bad day and I thought it would cheer her up if she went with my friends and I somewhere. She asked me to pick her up which I was nervous about, but I did. We got out of the car to start walking to where my friends were and then I heard her saying stop trying to hold my hand. I informed her I wasn't and I just felt awkward after that. The following day I asked her if I could speak to her about the night before; she said sure. I informed her how I felt a little uncomfortable and surprised when she made the comment of me not holding her hand. I even explained that my experiences in the past could contribute to why I feel this way now about comments. Once I expressed this she said she always said that and then blurted that she doesn't feel she can be herself around me and she felt I was judging her. So as I am trying to express myself I feel attacked by her statements due to it coming out of nowhere. In the end, I apologized for how I made her feel, but never felt she really acknowledged what I said in the beginning of the conversation. Overall, I didn't feel like anything got resolved and in the end I got more distant, but in a way still hanging out with her (whiich I think wasn't good to do) Overall, I talked to her again and the friendship ended even after trying to resolve it with her. My point is how do I get over this. This happened last year, yet it stills bugs me. I already emailed her last year apologizing for my part in the events; nothing back besides she's done. Overall, I think my gut was right and that's what upsets me most; not following my gut and hating myself for it. In the end, I learned that I apologize for things that I feel and I don't like that part of myself.
