anyone tried not coming out but just being open? is this a stupid plan?

It's not a stupid plan at all. Straight people do it like that, so why shouldn't you do it, too? If anyone has a problem with that, it's their problem, not yours.
I also refuse to have a "real" coming out.

 

This is sort of my plan really. I am going to uni next year. I plan to burst in there with rainbows flowing out of my ears. People will know without me telling them. It doesn't seem hard, people generally assume anyway - but this time they will be certain, and I will openly acknowledge it and act on it. And when I get a gf, that's when my mum gets to know probably, because she really isn't the sort of person I can see myself having this conversation with. She's not very reasonable. But the proof will eventually be enough for her.

 

That's basically my plan with my sexuality too. I don't care to tell people so if I ever do end up in a relationship then that's how people would find out. That seems completely reasonable to me and if it's more comfortable for you then that's most important.

 

yeah I would do the same thing. It just sounds really awkward for me to jsut tell like. hi im gay bye.

 

I was also planning to come out like that, especially to some of my family members. The only thing is, I hate that it's going to have to be a big deal. Like, if I came home with a boy, they'd be like "oh yay!" but if I come home with a girl, I know it'll be an issue for some of them. I just ... I don't understand why I have to "come out." Why can't I just be?

 

I've thought about this actually. I am actually trying for people around me to get used to the idea of being not straight is a normal thing and it may be something they might be involved in the future. the more you normalize it, the easier it is going to be accepted I hope. when you have a girlfriend, it means you have a girlfriend. if you have a boyfriend, then you have one. this should not be a big deal but it is so hard in reality if you have a family and neighbourhood like mine. but you are right, it is the right way, this is the way it's supposed to be; and I know some day, it will be accepted by everyone and no-one's gonna need to come out or get uncomfortable just because they are feeling "different".

 

This is exactly the way I did it, I basically just came home one day and told my mom that my friend was now my girlfriend and asked her if it was alright if I went over to hang out. I was 17 at that point, so it would have been much different if I were an adult and didn't have to really tell her at all past that, but it worked out fairly well.

It's pretty abrupt though, I wouldn't suggest that method of coming out if you're under age and at all in doubt about your parent's level of homophobia.

 

I do this with friends. With family it's different matter but that's just how my family operates.

 

I don't think it's a stupid plan at all, but I do think you need to be cautious of not using it as an excuse to drag it out indefinitely. I speak from personal experience - I put it off too long because I kept telling myself I'd do it once X happened...and then that milestone would pass, and I'd find some other reason to wait.

There's never going to be a perfect time or way to come out, you just have to do it when you're as ready as you'll ever be.

 

It's not stupid. Coming out isn't for everyone. But also don't do it in the hopes that it won't be a big deal; as my mom (who is accepting) told me, all parents need some grieving time. It's a big step no matter how you break the news. Just something to keep in mind.