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anyone tried not coming out but just being open? is this a stupid plan?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Dobby, Apr 17, 2016.

  1. Dobby

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    i can never see myself sitting down and" coming out" with my parents. my plan is to wait until i'm in a happy relationship and then just casually be like "yep i'm in a relationship, she's called x" . i not sure how they would feel about me being gay but i know ultimately they love me. so if i act like it's nothing maybe they will respond like it is nothing? is this a stupid plan or do you think it could work?
     
  2. HerrinDesFeuers

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    It's not a stupid plan at all. Straight people do it like that, so why shouldn't you do it, too? If anyone has a problem with that, it's their problem, not yours.
    I also refuse to have a "real" coming out.
     
  3. SHACH

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    This is sort of my plan really. I am going to uni next year. I plan to burst in there with rainbows flowing out of my ears. People will know without me telling them. It doesn't seem hard, people generally assume anyway - but this time they will be certain, and I will openly acknowledge it and act on it. And when I get a gf, that's when my mum gets to know probably, because she really isn't the sort of person I can see myself having this conversation with. She's not very reasonable. But the proof will eventually be enough for her.
     
  4. Aberrance

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    That's basically my plan with my sexuality too. I don't care to tell people so if I ever do end up in a relationship then that's how people would find out. That seems completely reasonable to me and if it's more comfortable for you then that's most important.
     
  5. R M

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    yeah I would do the same thing. It just sounds really awkward for me to jsut tell like. hi im gay bye.
     
  6. lonelydancer19

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    I was also planning to come out like that, especially to some of my family members. The only thing is, I hate that it's going to have to be a big deal. Like, if I came home with a boy, they'd be like "oh yay!" but if I come home with a girl, I know it'll be an issue for some of them. I just ... I don't understand why I have to "come out." Why can't I just be?
     
  7. nuggetbiscuit

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    I've thought about this actually. I am actually trying for people around me to get used to the idea of being not straight is a normal thing and it may be something they might be involved in the future. the more you normalize it, the easier it is going to be accepted I hope. when you have a girlfriend, it means you have a girlfriend. if you have a boyfriend, then you have one. this should not be a big deal but it is so hard in reality if you have a family and neighbourhood like mine. but you are right, it is the right way, this is the way it's supposed to be; and I know some day, it will be accepted by everyone and no-one's gonna need to come out or get uncomfortable just because they are feeling "different".
     
  8. Ghostling

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    This is exactly the way I did it, I basically just came home one day and told my mom that my friend was now my girlfriend and asked her if it was alright if I went over to hang out. I was 17 at that point, so it would have been much different if I were an adult and didn't have to really tell her at all past that, but it worked out fairly well.

    It's pretty abrupt though, I wouldn't suggest that method of coming out if you're under age and at all in doubt about your parent's level of homophobia.
     
  9. Foxfeather

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    I do this with friends. With family it's different matter but that's just how my family operates.
     
  10. cakepiecookie

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    I don't think it's a stupid plan at all, but I do think you need to be cautious of not using it as an excuse to drag it out indefinitely. I speak from personal experience - I put it off too long because I kept telling myself I'd do it once X happened...and then that milestone would pass, and I'd find some other reason to wait.

    There's never going to be a perfect time or way to come out, you just have to do it when you're as ready as you'll ever be.
     
  11. wanderinggirl

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    It's not stupid. Coming out isn't for everyone. But also don't do it in the hopes that it won't be a big deal; as my mom (who is accepting) told me, all parents need some grieving time. It's a big step no matter how you break the news. Just something to keep in mind.