Anyone else struggling with the word "queer"?

no, it still holds a lot of hate for some of us too, I live in the southern united states, so there is a lot of homophobia, and I was called that a lot before it was an acceptable word in everyday conversation, and it is still used as an insult now. but now it mainly feels out of place, something foreign, and it kinda gives me a dull cold painful feeling in my heart.

 

I don't like queer. It seems counter-intuitive to use that word at all. "let's try to convince people we're normal and not freaks while simultaneously calling ourselves a word that literally means weird and out of place" has no sense to it.

It's sad I had to google this to check if it was real or not because I've seen real ones almost that long too haha.

 

I'm pretty young (20) and even I have been called "queer" as an insult so I feel similarly. I remember when I was in Uni early on I didn't pass as well and someone threw a bottle at me from a car and yelled "queer" at me and drove away

 

I honestly didn't hear this word too much, growing up. Either because its a generational thing, or more common in the UK.

Controversial post time, but it seems white gay men seem to have the biggest issue, as it implies "different, odd", and if not for their sexuality, they would pretty much be "normal" (privileged, too). I can't say whether its true or not, but remember someone saying the more of a minority you are, the more likely you are to use it to describe one's self. Which is where I'm at. One group is fighting to "blend in", while others know they might well never, and embrace that side of themselves.

 

Oh god that's so vile. I'm sorry to hear. I feel that people who are hateful will always find their "words" to use regardless, which saddens me.

 

Perhaps it's my age, but the term has negative connotations to me. It was slung around as an unpleasant insult. I realize it is a rather hip term today for younger people, but I agree with Jacobsweat, Chip and Destin that it is derogatory and should be avoided.

 

I dislike the term. Many people believe that by using the word queer ourselves and tagging it onto LGBT, we somehow "take it back", but I just don't accept that at all. I don't accept if for queer or any of the other derogatory insults that are flung at our community.

It's all very well (?) us calling each other queer, but when our conversations are overheard by people who are less informed it just fuels the idea that we somehow accept it, regardless of who says it and in what circumstances and that's really not the case at all, is it? I don't want some swivel eyed homophobe calling me queer under any circumstances - ever. I don't want them to believe it's acceptable because they've heard us referring to each other as queer. People like that don't understand nuance!

I'm sorry, but I think it sets a bad standard when we use derogatory words in the company of each other that would be totally unacceptable to us if spoken by someone else. I don't like mixed messages about words and labels and would rather we keep it simple.

 

I guess I'm lucky - I can't remember ever hearing queer in a derogatory way. So it doesn't sting like it would for other people. But I still don't use it and don't want to be called queer. It doesn't sting, but it just feels iffy.

But I feel you - if people started reclaiming "fag/faggot", I'd be opposed. When certain words have pain and bad memories associated with them, it'd be hard to reclaim.

 

Well if someone asked me if I've got a girlfriend, I wouldn't say "no, I'm queer", I'd rather say "no, I'm gay" or "no, I like men".
Describing myself as queer sounds like I'm insulting myself. If a woman makes a move on me, I'm not gonna say "no thanks, I'm queer" for the same reason I don't call myself a bender or faggot. I already feel uncomfortable that a female has tried to get close to me, so the last thing I want to do is call myself a derogatory word. If someone has the wrong impression of my sexuality, then its important to me that I correct them while treating myself with dignity and respect.

And if I were to ask someone about their sexuality, I wouldn't say "are you queer?" I would rather say "do you like women or men?" Asking someone if they are queer would sound quite vulgar to me. It's a bit like saying do you have a normal sex life or a weird sex life.

 

For me queer doesn’t bother me too much.
When I was growing up I heard fag/faggot used as an insult all the time...so for me those are the words that sting when I hear them.
I’m fine with gay guys calling themselves fag or whateva but to me it still feels demeaning.

I prefer to just call myself gay.

 

I say I’m gay. I don’t mind a member of of the community using derogatory word... I mean I use them all, or the ones that I’ve been called since I was a kid.. except “gayfer” that one I just hate! But “fag, faggot, fairy, queen, queer” these I use. I mean I still get called these if not to my face then the whispers in the grocery store. There is something about using a word that’s hurt you... it does take its power.

Now I have heard the term queer being used as a blanket term for the community. I mean I don’t find it an issue when it’s being used appropriately. It’s kinda like POC being used. I’ve seen articles where people argue against using that because a simplified form of that phrase was used in a very derogatory way. I think it’s really a matter of context... for me anyway.

 

To be honest the only real issue I have with the term is that I don't necessarily feel like I live up to it. For me it's a remnant of the whole queer studies movement/gay liberation thing which I very much admire(d) but don't really feel like I lived up to. It's not much consolation that I don't feel like the movement lived up to it any better. The fact of the matter is that my life, far from any radical critique of social structures, is pretty frightfully conventional. I remember one of the guys at the office commenting that it was funny that the only gay guy in the office is the one that has the relationship that, at least on the surface, seems most like his parents' relationship. Not, alas, all that queer after all I guess...

 

I really don't like the term 'queer' when referring to myself or even other people. I'm only 16 and I've been negatively referred to as 'queer' by a lot of people. Such as random assholes at school that think its funny or when my father yells about 'those fucking queers' and 'shooting the fags'. Though the last one isn't yelled in my face I can still hear it loud and clear from across the house. Both just make me so incredibly uncomfortable.
However, I do get that some people may want to reclaim the term. If their only referring to themselves as 'queer' or identifying as 'queer' than that's fine but don't use queer as a blanket term for the entire LGBT community. That's why the acronym LGBT exist and if you know some people are made very uncomfortable by that term then why would you refer to them that way?
Another random note about the term 'queer' is when people do use it as a blanket term. Like the lady the runs, the GSA at my school referring to it as 'the queer club' or when they have guest speakers come in and talk about how their 'queer' and how its okay if you are too. Then all the Straight kids using the term queer like its some cool thing. Or hell even just younger LGBT people using queer all the time. It's probably only because it makes me so uncomfortable but I don't get why people seem to use it all the time. Anyways I'm really not great at organizing my thoughts, sorry.

 

Even though i am part of the community, it feels so weird to use it. i have never had it used against me as a insult, (however i have had fag/faggot) but i do feel sort of insulted if someone calls me queer, even if its just a joke. its not that i am ashamed of being LGBT, quite the opposite. people who reclaim it for themselves, all power to them. but as you said, it hasnt been a while before it was a horrible insult. i know it is a "blanket term" but wouldnt it just be easier to say LGBT? or any variant thats under 1000 letters long. (kidding) around my friends, we make gay and even fag jokes (not towards other people) but queer just seems so... off-putting. i guess it depends on peoples personal experience.

 

I think people should use words they feel comfortable with. If queer is uncomfortable then don’t feel like you have to use it. I personally like the word because I feel like it’s a good word that describes how I feel in terms of being different from the “norm”. I like using it as a political statement. But I would never call someone queer who didn’t identify that way to me without their permission, as I know some people have a very difficult history with that word and I never want them to feel insulted.

 

I would get confused when someone would refer to themselves as "queer" because I always
saw that as a negative term. People don't really use it where I am from, but I remember a girl
once yelled at someone, calling them "queer" and I thought that was so rude of her.