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Anyone else feel it's not worth rocking the boat?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Hats, Feb 8, 2017.

  1. Hats

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    Does anyone else feel that sometimes it’s just not worth rocking the boat over your gender identity? Like for me, I know the male gender role best and most of the time my gender is fairly masculine and I’ve always presented that way. I could be happy for a short time identifying as cis, at least until my gender shifted. Then again my partner says that a perceptive person would know within a week that there was something wrong with my gender even if they couldn’t put their finger on exactly what it was, and the reality is that now I know what I am, to identify as cis permanently would just make me miserable. But sometimes I sit in my chair wondering what it is I really want from people on a practical level. It doesn’t change who I am as a person, so why would they even care? Why even bother? Why rock the boat?
     
  2. i am just me

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    I ask myself that too sometimes. I mean, I am an optimistic person and I apart from occasional phases of dysphoria I lead quite a happy life. I even think my presentation wouldn't change much if I were out to everybody. I don't feel so disconnected from my name that I would like to change it irl immediately. I wear the clothes I like anyway. And there are no genderneutral pronouns that anyone knows about in my mother tongue so wouldn't change these either. Besides, there are disadvantages in coming out and I don't know if I want to deal with all the attention and the questions that come with telling more people.

    On the other hand, I wonder if that argument is just the scared part of my brain trying to rationalize its fear of coming out. I value being honest and I don't want to hide who I am. And if being out stopped people from referring to me as a woman all the time, that would certainly reduce the number of times I get angry. Because every time someone does refer to me as a woman there's that voice in my head which screams:"I'm not a woman!!!" If I just let the words escape my mouth in these situations...
     
  3. Just Jess

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    Take it a day at a time. If it is worth it to you, it is. If it isn't, it isn't. I think reaching a point where you place your own needs above the need to be well liked or even understood, is a point of maturity that can't be rushed, it needs to happen naturally. And sometimes it honestly isn't worth it. Just try your best to do right by yourself and be true to yourself. There's no need to keep score, if you go through a day with people treating you like a man - or since you mentioned being fluid, like a woman - then that's just what happened, and you'll never have to repeat that day again.
     
  4. Mihael

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    I feel the same. I spin in circles about it inside my head.

    ---------- Post added 9th Feb 2017 at 04:35 AM ----------

    If you need to come out just to say it... maybe that's what you want from others, to be listened to for a moment. People just need to talk about their feelings, that's normal. Sometimes there comes a moment you want to tell someone that you're happy, sad, in love, or something, or share your thoughts about some subject important for you. Why not tell about your gender then?
     
  5. Quniverse

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    I feel like that all the time.

    Now, I may have a very limited knowledge, but something I do know is that you deserve to be happy so long as what you're doing isn't harming anyone. Being who you are isn't going to hurt anyone; coming out as whatever you are (sorry but I don't know if you're demi-gender, genderfluid, bigender, etc.) is something that might really help you in feeling like yourself. And everyone who isn't having it? Sucks to be them. Gender is something that should only be important to the person themselves and should be respected by all others.
     
  6. Hawk

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    I feel the same way.
    I have no desire to medically transition, so why do I need to tell people? Yeah, it sucks when people use incorrect pronouns or sees you as a gender you don't identify with, or use the correct pronouns then find out your the opposite gender and "correct" themselves.
    Maybe I'll work up the courage one day and tell people.
    I also hate being the centre of attention, and I feel like if I come out, people will be asking me a bunch of questions, and talking about me.
     
  7. Sebby45

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    I've been wondering too about "rocking the boat." I feel like I want to come out and be who I am inside, but I am afraid of losing some of the people I love or getting bullied and ridiculed by the public in the process.

    I know someone who got bullied and had a "prank" played on them because they were gay. It landed them in the hospital for several weeks. That sort of thing scares me.

    I live in a small town so gossip travels fast. Is it worth it? I don't even know if I could meet a potential partner here anyway, so why bother.

    Then there is the side of me that says "I don't give a damn." I wish that side would crop up more often. :lol: I could use the confidence.

    Sebby
     
  8. Aesthcore

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    Just as the others in this thread, I too often ask myself on whether or not I want to and if it's worth 'rocking the boat'.

    But here's the thing. Regardless of the answer to these questions, do the answers truly matter? Ultimately, they shouldn't. We deserve to feel like we don't have to hide our true selves. We deserve to toss away the facade society wants and expects and know that others can see who we really are. We deserve to have that comfort, that relief.

    That's why people fight for their gender identities. Even when it's scary and risky, it's worth it. It should be worth it, at least. Because it's what we deserve. And besides, we shouldn't give society the satisfaction of sacrificing our authenticity to fit into their societal norms, limited binary genders, and ridiculous gender roles just to freaking please 'em.
     
    #8 Aesthcore, Feb 10, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2017
  9. CJliving

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    Yep.

    I was never unhappy before figuring out my gender, just knew I wasn't what I was told I was. I don't really want surgery (the results of surgery, sure, but to actually do it? No thanks) and even though I kind of want to, I have no plans to go on T. I'm definitely not planning on coming out to my dad.

    Hell, how you put it? Rocking the boat? That's exactly how I feel when it comes to my dad. He'll defend my masculinity to hell and back, but if I were to come out to him? He would not support that. So why put us through that? I'll just keep being my "really not good at being a girl and gender roles taste awful anyways" self.

    Honestly I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as you are comfortable with it.