The idea that being gay is simply about who a person "prefers" to have sex with, where does this come from? Is this true for some people? Is it just about physical intimacy? I understand now, that for me, it is or seems to be, at the core of who I am. The way I feel with a woman is enormously different, in every possible way. But I believed my attraction to women was nothing more than a small, not very significant detail. I thought, wrongly, that since I could perform the physical act of sex with a man, I must be bisexual. It didn't repulse me....it felt empty....just one example. Nothing at all like what happened when I was with a woman, especially a woman that I loved very much. When I gained clarity, had context and some understanding and acceptance, it became very clear that for me, being gay is not a simple preference or small detail. The pain, isolation, frustration, longing, and serious depression makes total sense now. I haven't been living true to who I really am, and it's been destroying me. Can anybody point me in a direction for reading more about this? I want to learn and understand, maybe see examples of people with similar experiences. Suggestions for books, podcasts, videos, etc....much appreciated.