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Anybody else too scared to have sex?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by GayBatman, Sep 23, 2016.

  1. GayBatman

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    I've never come close to having sex and I've never been abused sexually but whenever I think about having sex, not when I have sexual fantasies, it terrifies me.

    Anybody else liked that?
     
  2. Creativemind

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    Yup. I'm sex-repulsed but not asexual. I have my reasons.
     
  3. ChameleonSoul

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    I was sexually abused when I was very young as well and I felt the same way that you do for many years. It's the main reason why I never tried dating anyone and repressed my being queer for a long time. Ever since I've started seeing a therapist and taking medications for my bipolar disorder and PTSD, I've noticed that even though my sex drive is shit with my meds, I feel a lot less scared of sex and am ready to be in an intimate relationship now.
     
  4. Browncoat

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    Am I allowed to say you needn't be scared? Too up front?


    'Cause unless you're afraid of the person you're going to have it with (in which case you have a valid reason to be scared) I'd suggest it's not as exhilarating as it's made out to be.
     
    #4 Browncoat, Sep 23, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2016
  5. Kodo

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    Not really scared of the act so much as the consequences. As a trans-guy, it would be my worst nightmare to end up pregnant, and I am also paranoid of STI's.

    Mostly I'm just apathetic about sex.
     
  6. 108

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    I don't know what has happened to me in the past month, but all sexual desire has completely vanished with my relatively recent coming out to everyone. I have had and enjoyed sex with men, women, and trans people but lately there's no sexual desire for anyone. Although my romantic desires are almost entirely homoromantic.

    sex is... simply unexplainably uninteresting
     
    #6 108, Sep 23, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2016
  7. johndeere3020

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    When the time is right for you it WILL happen! Advice from an "old guy"
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    The thought of having sex is very often scarier than the reality. If you're having sex with the right person it's far from scary actually.

    If you've never had sex before you can work yourself up with worry about what's involved and what might happen as a result and that's quite normal, so don't be afraid to talk about those issues and ask questions/seek advice. Just make sure you're asking the right sort of people and not listening to naïve "chatter".
     
  9. Creativemind

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    I have a question, is it possible to find the right person? I don't like casual sex and deeply desire sex in a committed relationship with someone I can call my girlfriend.

    I keep being pressured to have casual sex when I don't want to have it. Sometimes even masturbation makes me sad because it leads me to want someone to love and cuddle with afterward.

    Would anyone wait until we are "official girlfriends" before we have sex? I keep meeting people who want to have sex on the first date and I say no, but I wonder if I'm wrong for sticking to my values. I know casual sex would make me feel sad and empty for love (since even solo sex does).

    I'm scared to have sex because I'm scared the other person won't think of me in an exclusive way ):
     
  10. ScatteredEarth

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    I'm more scared of the buildup to that point. Be it romantic or otherwise, the act of putting yourself out there is tricky
     
  11. Quem

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    Yes, that's definitely possible (it happened to me), and no, you're not wrong at all. If you don't want to have sex for whatever reason, then don't have sex. It might not resonate with others, but that should not matter. You are and should be in control of your own body. (*hug*)

    Cheers,

    Quem
     
  12. Radioactive Bi

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    Nope, I have sex at every opportunity with someone I like.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  13. Blood Elf

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    Not scared, just repulsed.
     
  14. JAlfred

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    I am. I always get afraid I won't be able to give the other person what they need because I have no experience at all. It happened to me twice in college.

    When I went on my first date ever, the guy was so attractive that when he asked if I wanted to do anything with him(which I wasn't expecting at all), I turned him down because it was too intimidating.

    It happened again later that year. I had the guy (who was very sweet) back at my place, and right as things were starting up, I called it off because of nerves.
     
  15. BMC77

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    Yes, mainly due to fears of HIV. I remember all too well the AIDS crisis of the 80s...

    There is also the fear of something going horribly wrong, and one ending up having sex with an ax murderer or something... A real fear, since at this point I have zero marketability for a relationship, and thus if I were to have sex, it would probably end up being casual.
     
  16. Caecilian65

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    Sometimes. Now that I am in long-distance relationship the act of having sex seems foreign to me sometimes. I can't quite explain but its something I don't really think about then when it does. It seems to be this crazy scary thing I can't wrap my head around.. I am still worried I don't have enough experience to be good. I don't even feel like I can set aside time to "practice" whatever that means.

    I understand the need to have a connection with someone before sex a little too, although I am afraid of being in a relationship and it not working out too.. Sometimes it depends on the day. Not sure where that puts me..
     
  17. happydavid

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    Sex dosent but the thought that a person that's above me might not approve scares me
     
  18. Libra Neko

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    Not so much afraid, more indifferent. Could be my meds.
     
  19. Gunsmoke

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    Same here! Don't worry about it - I won't even kiss someone I have no interest in. There's nothing wrong at all with waiting for the right person. Maybe you're just a bit of a romantic, like me.

    On the topic of the actual thread, my main worry is that I'm too inexperienced. I don't date or kiss (let alone sleep with) somebody that I feel no romantic connection with - and as a demi person, I hardly ever get those inclinations anyway. As it stands, I've had three serious crushes throughout my entire life, one relationship, and no kissing or sex. So yeah, my main worry is that when I (hopefully!) do find the right person, they'll be put off because of how inexperienced I am, because honestly I might as well be a nun.
     
    #19 Gunsmoke, Sep 25, 2016
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2016
  20. Creativemind

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    No worries about the inexperience. I'm 26 and I have no experience with sex or kissing either. The only relationships I've had were online/long-distance where such a thing wasn't possible to begin with.

    Inexperience is a turn-on for me. It's not that inexperience is better or in any "shaming" sort of way, just that I feel more comfortable knowing we're on similar levels. First time sex is bad no matter what you do, but two inexperienced people can work together and value the emotional side of their first time. With an experienced person, I'd be afraid of letting them down, or not having them value the first time in the same way. I'm sure that's why experienced people don't want to be with me either.