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Any thoughts on my next step?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Engdood1, Aug 3, 2021.

  1. Engdood1

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    Hello everyone. 39 yr old male. I posted a few months ago and the consensus was I am gay. I am yet to have an experience yet though. I still don’t really FEEL gay but as much as I try, I cannot stop thinking about men from day to day. I think perhaps I should try a physical experimentation but how should I go about it? I’m very nervous so I though I’d maybe try a gay massage and see how it goes. What do you all think? Is that weird? Should I go to a gay bar instead? Thanks
     
  2. DragonChaser

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    If you're having doubts, I'd start smaller than having a direct interaction with another man. If you wanted to end it, it'd be a lot more complicated than being on webcam with a guy and disconnecting if you felt unsure or uncomfortable, say. That might be a good first step. Maybe find a chat room for local guys and put yourself out there. Explain the situation, find someone receptive, see if you're into them, and hop on cam together.

    If you're feeling more ready than that, by all means, take the reigns and see where it goes. I just think, if you're not really "feeling it" yet, you might consider something smaller and work your way up to a direct sexual encounter. Also, you may not be gay. You may just be bisexual and find, after indulging yourself, you're satisfied for a while. Forget the labels for a time and explore yourself without them! It's easier that way :relaxed:
     
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  3. I'm gay

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    I don't think it's a great idea to "test" your gayness by attempting to hook up with another guy. It puts too much pressure on one interaction. If that interaction goes poorly, what do you learn? That you're not gay after all? Or does it mean that this one particular guy didn't do it for you? Or perhaps that guy would have been a good choice but you were too nervous and it affected your ability to enjoy yourself. There's too much riding on a gay test such as this for it to work meaningfully.

    My suggestion is for you to get comfortable being around gay men, interacting with them socially, make gay friends. Immerse yourself in the gay community and get comfortable first. You will then have more opportunities to meet gay men and ultimately you may find someone you like and can take it from there. Gay bars, clubs, meet-up groups, your local LGBTQ center - these are the avenues I would try.
     
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  4. Engdood1

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    Thanks for your message. I have already done some stuff on camera with other guys but you’re right that I’m not sure about things. Maybe I will try it a bit more.
     
  5. Engdood1

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    Huh, I didn’t even realise there were meet up groups or LGBTQ centres. Sows how much I know! Thank you.
     
  6. I'm gay

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    There are LGBT centers in La Crosse, Appleton, Milwaukee, Racine and Madison. There may be more, but that's what came up on a quick google search.
     
  7. Contented

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    The advice to get comfortable with gay groups first is an excellent way to start to dip you toe in the water without too much stress on your part. You will find as you become comfortable it becomes easier to let your guard down and start to feel “gay”. It’s a wonder feeling to be around other gay men and not have to hide who you are. You just might the right guy to begin experiencing the joys of gay sexuality. Good luck.
     
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  8. out2019

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    @I'm gay offers some excellent advice here. Hookups won't help and if you're not ready it might backfire (looking back I tried a couple of drunken hookups and it really backfired because I was not comfortable with myself) .
    You could start small by just calling an anonymous gay help line (There are ones available). That was my first baby step outside of this forum. I was nervous and shaking but as soon as I said the words 'I am gay' i felt so normal and comfortable! I realized it was my fear of others, and realized I felt perfectly normal around other LGBTQ. In fact I felt happy about being gay.

    Another thing you can do is just look into the mirror and say "I am gay" it may sound like a little thing but it's a powerful exercise for a lot of people.
     
    #8 out2019, Aug 6, 2021
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  9. silverhalo

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    Hey of course the next step is up to you. For me I would advise some kind of LGBT support or activity group rather than just some kind of hookups.
    The main question I have in relation to your above post is what do you think gay feels like? Or should feel like?
     
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  10. Engdood1

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    I guess I think that men should be catching my eye all the time when I’m out and about. I do notice them but not in the same way as women, boobs etc.
     
  11. silverhalo

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    The issue with that is that society has been telling you all your life that you should be noticing and looking at women and boobs and so it happens whereas the other is not part of what society considers normal and so sometimes our minds subconsciously try to prevent it even.
     
  12. Engdood1

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    Well I know this kind of goes against the advice given but I had a gay massage yesterday. Was incredibly nervous and didn’t really know what was going to happen but it was good. It was kind of a normal massage at first but when he started going up my leg and brushing my cock and balls it was amazing. I was shaking from head to toe. He blew me at the end which I’ve never liked but I came in about 5 seconds. Amazing. Maybe I should have been with guys this whole time.
     
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  13. Chip

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    Sometimes having an experience like that can play a pretty significant role in helping us to find out where our true feelings lie. It sounds like, in your case, this helped bring you some clarity. What are you feeling now, after having a day to process this experience?
     
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  14. Engdood1

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    Hi Chip. Well I initially felt terrible about it but now I can’t stop thinking about tit and want to do it again.
     
  15. Engdood1

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    Obviously it makes more sense to meet a ‘real’ man and I want to do that too but it was very exciting and turned me on a lot. I can’t say for sure yet but maybe I am gay.
     
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  16. Contented

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    For me the first time with another man cemented my realization that I was unquestionably attracted to men. I was nervous and clumsy but it was the most sensual, erotic and utter pleasurable sexual experience I had ever had. Nothing with a woman came close. It was absolute confirmation that I was gay and I wanted to be gay. It took some time to internalize all these emotions and being the coming out process but it all started that first time.
     
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  17. Engdood1

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    Interesting, thanks. Yes after two days I am already dying to do it again with a man. I was literally shaking because I was so turned on. That might have something to do with it being the first time but it was amazing to have fantasies come true. In that moment I would have done everything with him.
     
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  18. Contented

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    I can only speak to my experiences but that is exactly what I felt after the first time I was intimate with another man. I had never been that turned on in my life. The pleasure was so incredibly intense. I remember waking up the morning next to this wonderful man and thinking this seems so right and so satisfying.
    I wanted that feeling to continue forever. I couldn’t wait to be intimate again and again. Nothing prior compared.
     
    #18 Contented, Aug 14, 2021
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2021
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  19. out2019

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    It sounds like you got some pretty clear signals about your sexuality but as @silverhalo says...

    That might also explain that feeling bad afterwards and some lingering doubts...but think about it objectively it's a pretty clear sign...

    Maybe a little but for most of us it's like a damn bursting...we realize oh THAT's how sex feels.
     
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  20. Engdood1

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    Until this point I’ve only ever got to ‘completion’ of a blow job maybe one time with a woman. I usually lose my erection but this time it took about 5 seconds as I mentioned. Kind of crazy.