Hey there, thanks for checking my thread! Here because of my gender identity, I currently have no support network surrounding this. Introducing myself, I’m a male, gay and 23 years old. I currently have no understanding of my gender, and the anxiety surrounding it is crippling. Far as I can tell, I don’t exactly suffer from gender dysphoria; my gender doesn’t cause me direct discomfort. At the same time, (and I don’t know how to phrase this), having a more feminine side doesn’t feel completely wrong. Coming on here is emotionally hard for me, the idea of exploring this is still so scary and daunting to me, it feels like I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. Some days, the thought of my gender feels impossible to shake off. And not because I’m genuinely uncomfortable with my current gender, it’s namely just the thought and anxiety over it. Currently, I just have no idea how to respond to it, and even how to label myself as. It doesn’t feel right to say that I’m currently ‘Questioning’ or ‘Curious’, because there’s still too much anxiety over it to say that I’m ‘exploring’ my gender. When it comes to the smallest possible baby steps, is there any good resources, articles etc. for addressing anxiety over gender identity? Is there any good general advice you can give me in addressing the uncertainty over it? Please don’t recommended me any forms of gender expression, that’s not what I’m exploring right now. Thanks a lot for reading my thread!
Hello! I just wanted to say that you are not alone feeling like this. I totally get it what you are going through. It is indeed very scary. I had these very same thoughts. It’s very good idea to take baby steps and explore this way. I don’t have any recommendations though. For me it was reassuring to know that there are others like me and I also somehow were able to write to my local LQBT+ community advisor to get the resources I needed.
It is completely valid to be male and feminine, it does not necessarily have anything to do with your actual gender. Since you say that you are comfortable identifying as male and have no dysphoria over that it seems that anxiety may be the central issue here. Have you checked into resources about anxiety issues at all? Seeing a therapist to work on the anxiety may help you.
Thanks for replying. I'm not genuinely uncomfortable in my gender, yet currently, it feels wrong fully labelling myself as a Male outright when I don't have full understanding of my gender. I actually prefer seeing myself as gender neutral at the moment. I know part of it stems that I have little acceptance of it, and because of that it feels so uncomfortable. It feels like an unwelcome intrusive thought that my mind refuses to let go of. It feels like I'm disowning myself, yet at the same time, I also worry that when I eventually do explore it more, that I may happen to *then develop gender dysphoria. I want to address it, yet at the same time, I worry if it'll become more intense. It's like I can't move forward in life at all until I've found a solid peace with it. It'll get better, I'm currently looking for a therapist, but until then, it's just nerve wrecking.
There is nothing wrong with being non-binary. Lots of people are non-binary. If it's not meant to happen, it won't. You don't seem like you're uncomfortable with your assigned gender or like you would want to transition to female. Tbh, it's not very likely that something will surface, people for whom it surfaces usually have something going on from the beginning which they don't understand or accept. It seems to me more like you have existantial anguish over the nature of your gender and I agree, it can be scary to discover that you might not be what you thought you were and gender is a fundamental part of who we are. To have such a fundamental part of who you are shaken can be unsettling. I can't think of any insightful resources right now... anything that would come to my mind is FtM and AFAB centred. In my opinion, you should look for things related to non-binary gender, however, it's tough to find some insight, yes, most "resources" are just definitions of words that name different variations of non-binary gender and don't really explain anything. What was helpful for me was more like... blog entries, certain youtube channels. Largely youtube. Lots of different things come up when you search for things like "non-binary gender", "genderqueer", "feminine male" etc. Not all videos are insightful, but they're there if you look for them.
Thanks for the insight and kind words. I should also bring up that part of my feelings of being the opposite gender stem from the fact that most of my closet friends in life have generally been girls. I’ve struggled socially in life too, and I’ve always found woman more friendly and approachable. At the same time, both genders tend to treat each other with more respect than to each other. I also can’t help but wonder if had been born a female, and also taking into account that the majority of my interests are stereotypically male, that I’d be imaging what being a guy then feels like too. Even with my both my brothers, I stereotypically behave like a male and find physical play fighting fun here and there. I really hope I’m bigender, non-binary, agender or somewhere in the middle. I just can’t stop thinking If I am actually the opposite gender and what it’ll mean, it's so hard getting it out of my head. And most of this stems that I refuse to explore it because it still scares me, and that I can’t do this alone, until I’ve found the right person to talk to.
Hello, not OP, but as an AFAB person was wondering if you would mind sharing the resources you mentioned?
