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Anxiety, LonlekyDepression. The usual

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Oct 12, 2017.

  1. Anonymous

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    Hello, I just need a place to vent my overwhelming emotions.
    My parents have ordered a device that will allow them to impose limits on the time spent online. As well as allow them to see apps, to see web history, and to block porn/filter search results. The device got here on Tuesday.. They are waiting to install it until the weekend.
     
  2. Anonymous

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    F*ck..
    I pressed the wrong button......

    Lemme try again..

    Now for the actual issue..
    I use Telegram to talk to my friends.. We live in a rural area so.. There aren't many people around that are my age that I could meet. Now, you probably know that Telegram requires a phone to sign up with.. I used a WiFi phone app and got a number and used that to set up my account..
    These are three people who are very close to me.. I consider them to be family.. We've been friends for around.. Three years now and we've shared our hardships and been through our share of arguments.. Two of them are no longer friends with each other.. But are still friends with me.
    The problem is.. My parents don't know they exist.. As I am rather private about what I do with my devices. And I met them through the Furry Fandom.. Which.. Well, my dad has expressed disgust in whenever he sees stuff related to it..
    If my WiFi time is restricted far enough.. There won't be enough time to hold proper discussions or do anything..
    Also, if my parents discover that I am using a messaging app most of the time.. Then they'll start to ask questions.. Who are they? Where did I meet them? Etc.
    Knowing them..
    The possibility of them demanding to see my chats and going through my messages is quite high..
    If they do that..
    The confidentiality between us will be broken.. And.. I will be forced to give them up..
    I cannot lose these people.. They're too important too me.
    I've told them things about myself that I haven't told my parents, or my siblings.
    They're a part of me.. And the thought of losing them makes me feel sick..

    This past week has been spent in anxiety fueled housework and generally doing anything I possibly can to not think about it.. I've barely eaten.. I haven't slept much.. I'm crying.. My chest feels tight.. I feel shaky a lot of the time..

    I'm scared of losing them.. I need them in my life.. And if I'm forced to give them up. Forced to cut ties.. Then I'm losing an important part of my life..

    I don't want to be alone.. I don't want to lose them.. But at the same time.. I know that I will obey my parents.. Because I have spent the past 10 years of my life.. Obeying and doing everything that was asked of me. Without asking anything in return, even refusing to be paid for my work because they are my parents and I love them..
    But I love my friends too...

    I don't know what to do.. And its ripping me apart... I barely got out of bed today.. And tomorrow is Friday.. And if dad gets home tomorrow..
    Then this will be my last post until I leave this house.
    Because.. Even though my dad knows I'm gay.. I'm not sure if he accepts it.. And I'm not sure what he'd do if he knew I was here..
    I'm not sure of anything anymore..
    I'm losing my lifeline..
    The people who have helped me through my depression..
    The people who I've helped.. Who I've talked out of suicide... Who I've calmed down during anxiety attacks..

    What am I supposed to do?

    Can someone here please help me?
     
  3. Ruby Dragon

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    South Africa
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm so sorry you are faced with this. As someone who keeps in touch with friends mostly via text (WhatsApp) or on Facebook, I don't know what I'd do if something like that happened to me. My parents complain that I spend too much time online, but what else am I supposed to do? If I watch movies in my room, I keep getting disturbed too, so I have little privacy.

    I feel for you, really I do. Is there any way you can keep chatting to your friends without your parents finding out? I know how important it is to have a support system like you do with your friends. Maybe try talking to your parents about the online time restrictions they want to put up and tell them that you need to keep in touch with people online because you need some support. If they ask you what you need support with, I think it'll be a good time to bring up your sexuality again. Maybe they will be accepting, to your surprise, and they will be willing to talk more about it? I know it sounds scary to have to talk to parents about these things, but at the end of the day, it's for the best. They're closest to you and know you better than anyone else.

    I'm fortunate that my parents have finally accepted my sexuality and are more open to discussing LGBT related things, though I still get that feeling that they're uncomfortable with it. But I still talk to them about things that I don't want to work out on my own and they're very supportive. Maybe I'm being bias because my parents are accepting and supportive. I can't imagine anything other than that, so can't really put myself in your or anyone else's shoes. But I still think you should speak to your parents. Maybe they'd surprise you in how accepting and loving they can be. I don't know what else to say except good luck, I hope you find a way around this problem. Hugs
     
  4. Anonymous

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    OP here.

    Maybe... That seems to be the main advice I'm getting from people..

    I hope this is the right thing to do.
     
  5. Anonymous

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    I dont know... if parents are implementing a device to control online viewing and habits, if you have high reasons to believe they will demand to see your internet convos, if there is a feeling of unacceptance, that you just "obey" or go along with what they say ...that to me suggests to me you are in a controlling enviroment and isn't a good sign. I don't know your age, but there should be privacy and boundaries. That is healthy and essential as we become adults. What's also healthy is being able to share information without judgement. That if something does come up, even if your parents don't like it, there is a heart-to-heart talk and room to be your own person. The question is what type of family dynamic do you have? Is there room for privacy? Is there room for honesty? Is there room for individuality?

    I didn't grow up in a home where it was safe to be honest even with littld things. I am a very private person, as I've gotten older though I realize me being overly private was out of fear. I'm more open now, just not at all with family or certain people.

    Your parents may very well be perfectly loving and accepting. That there is nothing to worry about. What I'm concerned about is if you lose your support system and have to deal with a possible back lash of your family if things don't go well. I'm concerned about your emotional well being.

    There are pay per min cellphones you can get, or prebought mins on throw away cells, there is using the library or school, you can use local college computers, there is buying your own cell service. You could say you have a support group but only mention mental health issues. You don't need to say what, or say you don't want to talk about it, but if you must say somethinh say it's related to growing up/life stuff.

    Ultimately, you have the best insight of what you should do. I just want you to know that if push comes to shove you have alternatives for communication. Your friends may have to use a different app or service or method, but I bet they will adjust to stay in contact.
     
    Ruby Dragon likes this.