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Another virgin

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Bader, Feb 3, 2018.

  1. Bader

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    This is my first post on this forum. Will do the intro later on if i feel i belong here. A little about me before the question; im 35yo married athletic professional accountant and bi-sexual. I have been having sensations and watching porn since I was 28yo.

    I have this guy that i have been seeing on the side and discreetly for sometime now, lets say 4 years. Im sure he is seeing other boys. Besides the point, iv been visiting him and ofering oral and rimming and rubbing our bodies (if you know what i mean). But no sex.

    Two nights ago while i was sitting on him (lubed up), while we were rubbing with passion it slipped in (think the head and a little more) with a bit of force. We stopped as he knew i dont want it in, but i felt so turned on this time that we just continued the rubbing till we came.

    For the past two days i feel like i'm really interested in anal as if i want to stick it in, does this mean i am ready to experience it?
    (i) If yes is your answer what of the pain?
    (ii) Will my ass get tight again? And usually how long?
    (iii) What other advise?
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    Hello,

    Welcome to EC!

    About your questions:

    It depends on what you want. Do you want to?

    1- Use plenty of lube and relax. If there is pain, stop. It should be a pleasurable experience, not a painful one.
    2-The muscles around the anus can relax and contract, so you won't be damaged or "open" for more more than a few seconds, unless you are doing something really extreme (which doesn't look like the case).
    3-Well, there are two things. First, condoms are a must, besides using plenty of lube (water-based, to avoid damaging the condom).

    Secondly, and not directly related to the sex itself, is your marriage. I know, it's not easy to talk about this, but, more than the sex itself, you should think about the situation you are going in by cheating on your wife. When you say you are seeing him discreetly, i suppose she doesn't know that this is happening (if she knows and she is ok with it, then simply ignore what i'm saying).

    Cheating is a problem, because not only you break the trust of someone who loves you, but you are allowing the possibility of diseases to infect that person (even if you use condoms, diseases are always a possibility, and taking that risk to someone who isn't aware of what is going on is really, really problematic). Besides, if she discovers what you are doing, you will be in a very, very, very complicated situation - much more complicated than if you told her the truth.

    When you marry someone in a monogamous relationship, you are promising to be faithful to that person. The least you can do is to be honest with that person - some are ok with the other one exploring different things outside the marriage, some are not - but, regardless, as much as it isn't easy to be honest about something like this, it is much easier than having to deal with the consequences if you are discovered. Be honest.

    Again, if she knows and is ok with it, simply ignore this. But, if she doesn't know, thinking about this and talking to her about your feelings should be your priority here. I repeat, it will not be an easy conversation, but things may suddenly get very, very complicated, sooner or later, if you aren't honest with your wife.
     
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  3. smurf

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    Its not supposed to be painful. If its painful, it means that you need to be prepped. It means different thing to different people, but for the most part being rimmed and fingered help. He would start with one finger until you are comfortable, then two when you are ready, then three. The experience can be intense, so its perfectly fine to just be fingered a couple of times before even trying with a penis. Its about practice


    Your butt hole is a muscle. Its design to expand and contract when needed. All the things you have heard of being loose and other myths are not true. You will feel its a bit more "opened" right after sex. Its a weird feeling, but normal. It just takes time, but it shouldnt last more than a couple of hours. This is also good to keep in mind too. You can play with a toy before meeting up with a guy to prep yourself.

    If you haven't already, start getting tested at least once a year, but preferably every 6 months with your situation.

    I'm not going to touch on the ethics of your situation. I'm sure you know the implications of what you are doing. But I will say that its your responsibility to keep your wife from getting and STI. So start using condoms with your wife. Figure out a way so is not suspicious. Dont come up with excuses and get creative. And make sure your guy is getting tested regularly.

    Also, if he doesn't know this is your first time bottoming then tell him so he can help guide you. And take it slow the first time.
     
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  4. Bader

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    Thank you glade I can use this forum to get feedback and ‘have a person to talk to’ hehe.

    Well the wife its a bit complex, lets leave it at that. And i have been doing tests for a while now.

    Since my first/last post, I have not met him since and so have only toyed with myself - while toying I noticed my hole got a little bigger. Your talking 10 days now since the post maybe 12 - 15 since the incident (when he slipped it in while we rubbed) .. to this day i feel a burning sensation inside as if i want someguy to sleep with to put out that fire. Is this normal?
     
  5. Chiroptera

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    You are welcome. That's why we are here for. :slight_smile:
    As you wish. As i said, i strongly recommend that you reconsider and talk to her about this, to avoid further complications. But if you want to leave it at that for now, i can't force yourself to not do that. Just know we are here for you when you are ready to talk about it.
    You mean a physical burning, like there is something wrong down there? If that's the case and it is persisting for days, i strongly recommend that you go see a doctor to check it out. There is a chance that you are just overthinking it, but, if there is something feeling wrong, don't hesitate to look for a health professional.

    If you are just feeling sexually aroused, then there's nothing uncommon about feeling that way.
     
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