Hi all, so I found out pretty recently that my close friend (F) broke up with her fiancé (M). They were totally and completely in love, everyone thought they would get married and live happily ever after, even though they are pretty young. I've known my friend for just about a year now and we're really close (especially since we've been going to the same college in a pandemic), I was one of the first people she told after it happened and we've been texting daily and calling regularly ever since. They broke up in early December because their lives weren't lining up. For example, he wanted kids while she didn't; she wanted to travel and live in other countries while he wanted to stay in his home state; he wanted her to explore her sexuality; etc. It's important to note here that my friend actually has a heavy romantic preference for women, she just never explored that because her ex-fiancé was kind of her one-in-a-million. Before this happened I had never seriously considered a romantic relationship with my friend, we were really close and the thought had crossed my mind in a "I should look for a partner like her" way. There was always a kind of tension there but it was very muffled and distant because I didn't really see her that way. But ever since the breakup I haven't been able to get the thought out of my mind, it's like a floodgate opened that I had been ignoring for so long. I want to do all the things she wants to do in her life, I want to go on adventures and live in other countries and I want to help her explore herself. Kids are not something I've really ever wanted either. We get along so well and I get nervous and have butterflies in my stomach when I see her, I really want to share my life with her. I just feel like we really could be something. I have been tossing and turning about it for a month now and since most of my friends are mutual friends with her, I haven't felt like I've been able to tell anyone. Do you all have any advice on how long I should wait to tell her/how I should tell her? I don't want to rush her into things especially after a relationship that was multiple years long and what she thought was the be-all-end-all. I have no bad feelings towards her ex, it's a hard process for both of them and I don't want to make it even harder. I really do think I might be in love with her, though. I've never had this strong of feelings for someone before.
Some people forget very quickly, while others take longer. Only you will know if she's still thinking about it or not. Be best friend with her and you'll notice when she's ready for a new relation. If you're sure she likes girls then you can give her a hint.
galaxygia.....Please continue to be her friend for now. Many people tend to have "rebound relationships" where they get into a relationship too soon after a breakup because they crave the closeness that they had with their ex. Then they discover after a month or so that the relationship is not right for them. So be there for her, give her room to recover and wait a bit before making any kind of a move. That way you can be sure that she really is interested in you and not just looking for comfort from the breakup. .....David
Hello, @galaxygia. I'll echo the advice you've gotten so far: for now, just focus on being her friend. Right now she's in a vulnerable state, which can often lead people to make decisions they regret later. I know it's difficult, considering your own growing feelings for her, but it's better for both of you if you hold off on any confessions of affection for now. Give her some time to heal, or to see whether things pick back up between her and her ex--because sometimes that happens, too. Sometimes, the people who break up realize they're happier together, and compromise on ways to work around the issues they originally thought to be deal breakers. I'm not saying that will happen--just that it is a possibility. If that happens, it will no doubt be hard on you, but it would be much harder if you let yourself fully fall prey to these feelings and impulses. I'm sorry if this isn't the advice you were hoping for; truly, I get it. But I hope it helps just the same, and that whatever does or doesn't happen, you wind up with someone who feels the same way about you that you do about them.
