1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Another experience

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Engdood1, Mar 28, 2022.

  1. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I had another gay experience today. I got an erotic massage from a guy but went way further than I have before. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I think I have really strong internal homophobia because I feel bad that I did it but I get aroused thinking about it too.

    I’m still not sure if I am gay. It was very different to being with a woman. I definitely enjoyed it.
     
    #1 Engdood1, Mar 28, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2022
    fdfsdf, CapnMal and buzzer like this.
  2. Jakebusman

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,415
    Likes Received:
    378
    Location:
    OH
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Glad you got that experience
     
  3. out2019

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    883
    Likes Received:
    736
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    what do you feel bad about? What do you feel good about?
     
  4. LilLady9

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2021
    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    194
    Location:
    Germany
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If you don't mind me asking, why do you have your sexual orientation listed as gay if you're not sure you're gay? Doesn't matter, I'm just curious.
     
  5. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I feel guilty and ashamed. I’m not sure why. The act felt good and I like thinking about it.
     
    ScottG likes this.
  6. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Someone on here suggested I change it to gay as a step to helping me accept my orientation.
     
  7. ScottG

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2022
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    80
    Location:
    Va
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    three weeks ago I slept with a guy for the first time ever ( not including an experiment as a young teen!)

    I was completely taken by it- lost in his body. so intense!!

    When I left his place I was in shock. Omg what did I do- that's disgusting! How could I...

    Over the next few days I started wanting him badly. Now I'm meeting him again this Friday..,
     
    Contented, buzzer and Ipswichfan like this.
  8. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Yes I am similar. I was completely his. We were making out and we were talking dirty to each other. I wanted to let him penetrate me but we stopped just short of that. Now I hate myself but am turned on just reliving it. Confusing.
     
    #8 Engdood1, Mar 29, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2022
    ScottG likes this.
  9. ScottG

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2022
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    80
    Location:
    Va
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Your mind is trying to absorb it and that can be difficult. I fantasized so long about gay sex that when it happened I was in a dream world. I was thinking I was imagining it but the physical sensations were real.
    Now I find I am replaying it over and over in my mind.
     
    #9 ScottG, Mar 29, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2022
  10. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Yep! Exactly the same
     
    #10 Engdood1, Mar 29, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2022
    ScottG likes this.
  11. ScottG

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2022
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    80
    Location:
    Va
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    If you don't fight it, the feelings get even more intense over time
     
    Contented likes this.
  12. BiGemini87

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    1,334
    Likes Received:
    1,123
    Location:
    Pembroke, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Congratulations on the experience, @Engdood1. What you've described certainly sounds like internalized homophobia. I think it can often be a source of shame to act on our attractions before we've come to terms with them, or even during the process when we're still not sure or ready.

    If you feel very strongly about engaging in these activities with your partner again, by all means, do so. But if you're not feeling up to it again just yet, or there are certain things you aren't ready to do or that you might not like doing, make sure you communicate that with him. If you need time to absorb everything that's happened and everything you're feeling, I'm sure he'll understand. Perhaps he's dealing with the same issues, or at the very least, has gone through them himself. If you have a close relationship, I'm sure he'll be more than willing to listen to any thoughts or concerns you have going forward. :slight_smile:
     
    #12 BiGemini87, Mar 29, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2022
  13. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Despite the guilt and shame I felt, I still masturbated twice more that day thinking about it. No porn, nothing. Just reimagining what happened.
     
    CapnMal and ScottG like this.
  14. ScottG

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2022
    Messages:
    89
    Likes Received:
    80
    Location:
    Va
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    It seeps into your being. I love how it makes me feel...
     
  15. fdfsdf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2014
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    30
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Sounds like you had a good time. I only had sex a few times when me and my friend were teenagers what now feels like decades ago. I know I loved it, but afterwards I just had feelings of guilt. And yet, I still kept replaying it all in my head and getting off on it. I should have known back then I was gay instead of all these years of back and forth. These days when I masturbate and finish, I no longer feel bad about it or feel the need to reverse course. It's natural for me to like guys so that's the reason why I get off to men.
     
    #15 fdfsdf, Apr 1, 2022
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2022
  16. eron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2018
    Messages:
    101
    Likes Received:
    165
    Location:
    Utah
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    During my early encounters, I never really experienced any guilt or shame afterwards. It was more like feeling empty, and, ok I got that out of my system, how do I get out of here. Within a short period of time, however, I would be replaying the encounter in my head as I masturbated, which has always aroused me more than porn. As I further accept my sexuality, I want to have sex with someone who I'm comfortable hanging out with before and after we were finished. I've found those experiences to be much more satisfying and intense.
     
    Gay Brett and Ipswichfan like this.
  17. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    That’s kind of how I feel. I just wanted to get out of there and forget about it but when I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Now it’s days later I do want to do it again. This week I tried to masturbate to some straight porn to prove that I’m not gay but I just can’t get hard watching it.
     
    Gay Brett likes this.
  18. zgaynz

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2021
    Messages:
    104
    Likes Received:
    176
    Location:
    NZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Sounds a bit like the phase I went through. When you're aroused, homosexuality takes over but once it's over, you're ashamed, tell yourself off and rationalise it anyway you can, claiming you won't do it again, knowing full well you will. I'm not going to tell you that you're gay, that's for you to decide but whatever you decide to choose, you have to accept yourself as is. Realisation and acceptance aren't the same thing. I think you've realised that you're not straight, but you haven't truly accepted it yet. Acceptance allows you to move forward and break down your internal homophobia and in time, you'll hopefully come to the same conclusion I did. Love is love and I love being gay.
     
    Joolz66 and Gay Brett like this.
  19. eron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2018
    Messages:
    101
    Likes Received:
    165
    Location:
    Utah
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    As my acceptance grew, I found that wanting it again days later, became more like a day, then hours, and now I can be thinking it about almost right away.
     
  20. Engdood1

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2021
    Messages:
    114
    Likes Received:
    91
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    This makes sense. I’ve certainly realised that this isn’t going away. It’s been about 7 years since I masturbated to anything except gay content or thoughts. I guess I’ll keep you posted on what happens next.
     
    Gay Brett likes this.