Androgyne Identity

Thanks It's kind of weird to read some of these stories and realize that I feel the same way, especially when it's something that I've never thought about before or just took for granted as normal - well, normal for me at least. I'm glad I found this site - it's nice knowing there's a community out there for people who want or need to ask some tough personal questions. I'm sure with a bit of research and help, I'll be able to figure things out.

 

I guess I'll post in here, as well. I'm not necro-ing, so I should be safe.

There are 2 ways I've seen gender as. One is that it's a spectrum, the other like it's stars and planets in the sky. The latter description gets a little complicated, so I'll use the former in this nifty graphic.



In my experience of being MAAB androgyne, I've found myself experiencing the following:

Things about my body that I'm very uncomfortable with

- Hair. Oh, my fucking god. Body hair. I hate it. I want it to just all go away. I know why it's there. I know it's an evolutionary thing. But I still REALLY really reallyreally hate it.

- Testosterone. I don't have insane amounts of it, or even moderate amounts of it, but when it's there, it's obvious. My anxiety may have a hand in this, but I've noticed times where I sweat more than I technically should have, and not only does that really irk me, but it also causes more zits to happen. I think I'm also starting to get broad shoulders, which is something else I hate.

- Speaking. Of. Zits. They are. Cancer's long lost cousin. They may not be as bad as tumors, but they still hurt all over. They're annoying and hard to get rid of, and they just make me look unattractive.

- Having to wear pants all the time. Okay, that's not what it sounds like at face-value. What I mean is that, in public, because I'm "male", I have to constantly wear pairs of sweat-inducing pants, and not wear anything that vents.

Things about my body that I'm uncomfortable with, but can still handle

- Having a penis. On one hand, it's nice to know it's obvious for me when I'm having an orgasm. It's also nice to have something where I can pee standing up. But I really hate boners that make me sleepy, especially when I'm trying to work or focus on something. I also hate the moments where I can't control where my pee is going, but I don't think that's much of a gender thing. All in all, I could live with a penis, but I could also totally live without it.
- Having a deep voice. Kind of..... It's weird. If I wasn't voice acting in stuff, I'd totally hate it. On the other hand, I don't want to sound like James Earl Jones or Morgan Freeman. I'd much rather keep my voice in-between the range where it's hard to distinguish the gender.

Things about my body I'm totally comfortable with
- Having a high metabolism. That's about it. It means I can eat seven hundred cookies, and only maybe grow a booty.

Things I wish for my body that probably aren't do-able in this day and age
- I would actually love it if I could have something where I could pee, but that same organ doesn't mean it's my sex organ. I'd actually love it if I could just have mental orgasms. Or maybe something that doesn't mean I fall asleep while being horny.


Things I wish for my body that I can change right this very second

- I'm working on having clearer skin. I like being pretty and cute. It's been a hell of a process, but I'm getting progress done each day. I think I'm finally coming to the end of the days of my acne. I think it'll take a few months, but maybe not.

- I could totally do the whole makeup thing, but I want clear skin first, so that the makeup doesn't interfere. I actually wish there was a makeup that helped clear your skin instead of clogged your pores.

- I think after the acne thing, I'll work on having a curvier figure. I know I can pull it off, because my sister and I discussed it. All I really need to do is grow more of a butt. But having a curvier figure (but not extremely curvy) would be wonderful.

- Clothes are a definitely right now. I want more, like dresses and more skirts and such.

Really strange things that I can't really explain
- I've had a moment where I was touching my penis, and I still somehow forgot what it felt like to have one.
- There have been moments where I'd put my arms down, and I'd notice a lack of boobs (even though I never had any).
- There have been moments where I totally forgot I didn't have boobs (don't ask me about that one)

Those moments are very rare, but they do happen, and they're very noticeable.