Hello everyone, For a few months I haven't been around a lot on EC. But reading 55's update today, and looking back through some of my old posts, made me realise how far I have come, and how important EC was to me last year. This time last year I was not out at all - not even properly to myself. I was 37, married for 14 years (second marriage-the first, when I was aged 18-20, ended when I fell in love with my best friend, a beautiful relationship, lasting an indeterminate period of time, between one and sixteen years, depending on what mood I'm in when you ask me, which, resistant to any 'label' for my sexuality, I put down as a 'one-off'. She's still arguably my closest friend.) Where was I... Oh yeah, married, with teenage children aged 18 and 13. I used to 'get by', being married, by keeping alive the fantasy that, one day, my former-lover-best-friend and I would get another chance. It kept me going - her too, in a way, I think. We truly were in love at one time. But it wasn't reality. Circumstances wouldn't allow, and what I hadn't come to terms with... she had made her 'decision' sometime back around 1996. And then, in the Spring of 2012, something happened inside me... and quietly, not with a fanfare but perhaps with a deep fresh intake of breath, internally, subconciously maybe, I moved on. Not, I don't think, from my relationship with my husband, but from my girlfriend. And why? Because it dawned on me that, in fact, there actually could be another woman What brought on this realisation? Well, of course :icon_wink, it was the dawning of a new relationship - a kind of 'bolt from the blue' that caught me by surprise. *She* had been in my life for several years, as an acquaintance, as a running and training partner, as a friend, as someone with whom I knew I 'connected'. I'm still not sure when the exact moment was when I allowed my feelings for her to move to a new level, but it was during the Spring of 2012. I'm not proud of the fact that I had an affair. But for me, I strongly believe it was the only way I could have extricated myself from the unhealthy situation that was my marriage, which was supported by a huge amount of denial on both our parts. I get the whole argument that 'cheating is wrong', I really do, but sometimes it just isn't that simple. My husband confronted me about my sexuality in late August, and I confirmed what we had both known, that I was (am!) a lesbian. His predominant response was anger and disbelief. There was also intense grief, denial, and also support for me in certain measure. It was another month before he knew about my relationship with my gf. In September and October, against a backdrop of counselling sessions with my husband, and cycling over and over with him through anger, grief, denial and acceptance, I came out to both my children and my parents. This went better, on the whole, than expected, and my re-orientation, and the fact that my marriage was ending, was accepted without too much drama. A real high point for me, was when my 13 year old daughter told me, as I set off to talk to my parents, that, whatever their response, she hoped they'd be as proud of me as she is! :icon_bigg However, things weren't good between me and my husband, and we were living in a kind of limbo, in separate rooms; him knowing that I was still seeing my gf, and hating it; me falling deeper and deeper in love with her - hating hurting him, but unable and unwilling to hurt her, or manage without her constant unwavering support. In December, earlier than we had originally planned, I found a house, signed a rental agreement, and prepared to move out; myself, my daughter and my son. The last full day that we spent together as a family unit was Christmas Day. It was difficult, but we got through it, and I managed to keep things together all day, eventually leaving on foot at midnight, to walk across town to my gf, where she held me, sobbing in her arms, feeling I'd left my family on Christmas Day. By New Year, my son and daughter had moved in, too. Mostly it's just me and my daughter here, as my son is at university most of the time, but we've made it our home. My daughter turned 14 last week and had a party for her friends here. On the day itself, we went out for dinner - me, my now ex-husband, and both kids. It was OK. Not brilliant. But OK. Daughter sees her dad every other weekend, and once during the week, giving me a reasonable amount of time to build my relationship with my gf, who still doesn't figure greatly in my daughter's life. But it's also becoming 'ok' for her to be around a little bit while daughter is here too, although there's not much interaction between them yet - one of the ongoing challenges! My son - amazing young man - accepts everything and is happy for me. :icon_bigg So... Life goes on, and there's hope now that in the future, "Authentic Me" can live the life I should be living. I'm in love with an amazing woman, free from the constraints of my marriage (and he's doing ok too, in small steps, without me), and my kids still love and respect me, and are ok. What still needs to be done...? Well, my daughter is gradually accepting that I am in love with my girlfriend, but there's a long way to go. My parents still don't know I'm seeing anyone (officially! :icon_wink) and I don't really know why I'm hesitating to tell them, but I am. I'm only just breaking even financially - the challenge of surviving on only what I earn, alongside continuing to pay half the mortgage on the house I co-own with my ex - so both me and the kids have to come to terms with changes in our material expectations. Gf can help, but I won't let her - don't want to cloud boundaries and complicate things... All in all - I'm pleased - things are moving in the right direction. Thanks to all who supported me on EC last year, or offered advice - it was HUGELY appreciated at the time, as it still will be now, of course. Hopefully, too, I can offer hope to those who, like me, have to embark on this difficult journey as adults with responsibilities :rolle: Will update further soon, but ... Hey! (!) Bluebird
Bluebird -- how much things have changed positively for you! Thank you for sharing your story. As a late but great guy who has just come out, your story is inspirational, even with its challenges and heartaches. All the best!
Thank you for sharing your progress. It gives me great encouragement when I read these stories with EC helping you to come out and live an authentic life. I'm in the "living in separate rooms" stage of my break-up with my wife. Your story resonates with me. It would be all-too-easy to move on from EC when things improve in life, and miss the opportunity to inspire those still going though the early struggles. Thank you so much!
