This is my first ever post here, and I want to say thank you to the people who run this site and are keeping it free and accessible to all. I'm hoping that I can find some answers here about my gender identity. I don't usually like posting threads on forums because I try to hide from my innermost thoughts a lot, and when I type a lot, it gets tough to hide from the thoughts that scare me most, especially now, where I'll be addressing them directly. To start, I was born female, and am now thinking I might be truly male. I have been getting these feelings off and on that, I don't belong. For the longest time I thought that maybe I was just a tomboy, then more recently, I thought that I was nonbinary, but that didn't feel right either. I went back to being female, even though it feels wrong, just because I thought that I was trying to escape my mental health (social anxiety and depression), despite being on medication for them and being able to finally work again. Before I was working again after covid, it wasn't a terrible thing, because I was alone a lot and didn't really have anyone referring to me by anything, but now, I have people talking to me all the time, and talking about me a lot too. It feels wrong to be called She/Her, but at the same time, I've convinced myself that being called that is okay. I feel trapped in a body that isn't mine because I'm also really unhappy with my self-image. I feel like I'm not me, like an alien. I'm not completely unhappy with my genitals either, because I'm bi, and honestly, playing with boobs is one of my favourite things, and I just hate vaginal sex because it feels wrong and gross. But I feel like a man trapped in a woman's body who's just making the best of a bad situation. I've always liked being called a boy, and dressing up like a boy, and I've wished that my voice was deeper and that I could make bad jokes with guys who get them, rather than girls who just find them gross or disturbing. Recently, my psychiatrist called my inner voice a she, and that felt completely wrong, not like how people refer to me as she/her, as again, I've forced myself to think that's okay for people to call me, but when referring to my inner self, I was completely offended but said nothing because in the moment, I didn't understand, though ever since then, my whole life has come into question, and I'm honestly just looking for answers and advice on how I can figure this out while I read about other people's experiences and journeys from questioning to Trans. It doesn't help either that I like some feminine things, like long earrings and wearing skirts and dresses in private, so it makes me feel like I'm supposed to be a girl, but it just doesn't fit. Is it possible that I might just be more of a feminine man because of my other feelings on my gender?
You sound like a very balanced person, Dragon Fanatic, and that's great. All of us are a mixture of characteristics that society chooses to denote as either 'male' or 'female'. Very few of us are wholly one way or another - thank God! By the sounds of it one thing you are struggling with is the whole label thing. I've always struggled with the term 'non-binary' . To me it's overtly negative. The 'non' part of it sounds like a negation, it suggests a blankness. If you flip it round though and use 'gender fluid'...now, that to me sounds celebratory, positive, sexy even. But, you know, do you even need a label? That's my tuppence worth, anyway. Beth x
This all is very familiar to me, almost exactly like my own experience. No one can really tell you who you are, this is something you have to figure out on your own. If you feel the label fits, then go with it. Go what makes you feel the happiest. I also like many feminine things, so you're not alone there. You know there are so many different ways to express yourself, there isn't just one right way, just like there are tomboys, there are also more feminine men and this all is okay. I'm also more feminine man, than masculine.
Hello there, Dragon Fanatic! I'm Lydia! I'm a transwoman and I had my revelation about 5 years ago now. Before that, I considered myself a crossdresser, but I realized along the way that obvious the signs were there the whole time, if someone - including myself - had just seen them. My whole life was awkward and confusing; nothing made sense or fit and I was always miserable. Now that I know, even at the lowest point in my life, I've never had more hope. I hate to be the bearer of potentially upsetting news to you, but you've got all the signs that you are transgender as well. They don't just match my own experiences, they're pretty universal for all of us. We feel estranged from the world, our bodies don't fit, even the worlds that describe us feel out of place. I know this well. That said, I don't define who you are and how you feel. You do. That's the wonderful thing about this journey. You find yourself. I'll be happy to support you along the way, and offer what advice I can, but as to your question... Are you trans? I think so, but I'm not you. Do you feel that way? That's the true answer, and always was. Big hugs, dear! ^_^
Thank you all for your help and insight. From what I've been reading of everyone's experiences here, and with the wisdom I've been given, I've decided that I might be trans. I'll try out male pronouns and a male name for a while to see how that feels and if I start to feel any euphoria, or even dysphoria, around my gender identity. I've given it some thought and have a couple of names narrowed down that I'll be experimenting with where I can to further see if I like them, and to feel if they suit me, and I'll be reaching out to the family I know to be supportive to help me discover myself and see how I feel about it all. I'm really nervous, but honestly, this is making me happy, even though it's just the beginning. I know it's not an easy road ahead of me, but I'm excited to go down it and discover who I truly am, even if I do just end up being non-binary/gender fluid, I'll know myself better in the end and be better for it. I'm nervous but happy, and I'm excited to share my journey along this path. Best wishes to all of you, and I hope we can talk again soon! I'll never forget the wisdom you each have shared with me, and that you all gave me the courage to discover my true self once and for all! Thank you!
Dragon Fanatic.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) when that becomes necessary! *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When I first joined Empty Closets I was in need of a lot of support and encouragement and I found it here…EC is a safe place. I hope that you'll find good things here too! Folks here will talk to you and share...you don't have to be afraid of asking questions...we're glad to have you! Empty Closets is all about making connections and giving LGBT folks a voice when they otherwise don't have one in their day-to-day lives. In particular you may want to check out the forum that is titled "Gender Identity and Expression”, there are people there who have dealt with some of the same kind of issues that could be challenging you. I'm sure that you have watched trans youtubers...but just in case, here are some favorites of mine that you might like: FtM: Alex Bertie, Jammidodger, Noah Finnce, Luke Wale, Sam Collins, Ty Turner, Dakota Aspen. I've always had a special place in me heart for trans folks. I know how hard it was for me to accept that I am and always have been gay...I can't imagine how difficult it would be to discover that you were born in the wrong body and then go through the process of transition. I know that you are just at the beginning and I am so glad that you are finding that making these small changes to start with are bringing you happiness! I hope that you will be able to find the real you and over time will be able to make that person become who you are! Some info on how to navigate EC: When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership. *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! If you have any questions at all, you can always send me a Private Message. .....David
I'm very glad to hear that we were a help to you and I'm especially glad to hear it's given you the confidence to try something better suited to your experiences, but I do hope you choose to stick around for a while; there are a lot of people here who would be interested in hearing about your journey and happy to offer any advice you might need about troubles you have along the way! Either way, be safe, big hugs, and good luck! We're rooting for you!
