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am I Trans or an extreme tomboy?

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by finnthefish, Jan 5, 2017.

  1. finnthefish

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    OK. Hi. I've been questioning myself for 2-4 years if I'm a boy or a tomboy. Right now, it's been putting a toll on me mentally. I just need some help I guess. I've read some threads about this but I didn't get a clear answer. So heres the situation:

    When I was a small bean, I always stuck with the boys. Did everything with them, from climbing trees, getting in trouble, and wrestling. Didn't question a thing. At school, when we'd get split up between girls and boys, my friends (who were all boys and still are) always asked why I'd go to the girls side and not go with them. I'd shrug it off but really wanted to go with them. Maybe because I was close friends with them and didn't care if I was the only girl on the boys side.

    I always wear boys clothes. Well when I can due to parents not allowing me to wear boys clothes at school. But at home, yea. Just all boys things. I'd get yelled at if I wear boys clothes outside the house. I don't know why but I do.

    Tw for chest and down stairs area:

    I never enjoyed having the 2 lumps on my chest. It's in the way. It's there. It bothers me. Even if they are small and can be hidden, I don't like the way they look. I have to move my shirt to cover them in public because I don't like them.

    Then that good old time of the month thing (even writing that makes me feel uncomfortable). Most of the time I can stand it but I feel less masculine at the same time. Like I can deal with putting the things on to keep my underwear clean but it makes me feel weird. I'll have a breakdown every once in a while, saying I'm not masculine and I don't know what to do.

    And my voice. God my voice. I hate hearing my voice. So high pitched and gross. I got really upset when my friend posted a video of me with my voice being heard. Not upset at the friend but just the voice. I wanted to ask if they could take it down but I didn't want to be rude and just dealt with it.

    Oh and another thing. Hair. I want facial hair. And body hair. I always liked it and wanted it. I can't look at my body without thinking I look like a naked mole rat (I'm sorry for that description lol). I love having leg hair. My mom tells me to shave it and I cried the first time I did. Now I just kinda tear up when I do it (if I don't shave, I get in trouble).

    But when I was small I'd wear dresses. I wouldn't care. I was more feminine as a small child and didn't care. But now I can't stand anything feminine. Though I do like nail polish but I don't wear it because people will automatically see me as a girl.

    Speaking of being seen as a girl, I don't like it. I makes me uncomfortable. When I was younger, I would just go with it and didn't think twice. Now I get this sense of something pushing on me. Like dead weight on my shoulders.

    I cut my hair and I like it cut. Even before I started to fully question my gender, I cut it to my shoulders. But I wanted it shorter and that's when I felt like a boy more. So I got it cut. But when it grows out longer, I start crying over the sense of being called a girl.

    I did use he/him pronouns and loved it. But I told my mom, hoping she'd understand. Haha nope. She won't let me wear boys clothes, tells me to shut up when I ask for a haircut, wants me to be feminine, tells me I'm not a boy. I screwed up telling her. It's been a year since I've told her and she doesn't like it. My whole family hates it. I still love them and always will.

    My mom says she isn't transphobic. I believe her. I think. Her actions towards me makes me question that statement. She said if I showed more traits of being a boy as a small child, she'd let me transition. But just because all these people began to come out, she thinks I'm following the trend. She says people at school are telling me to be this person that I'm not. I have a friend who's trans. She thinks I'm copying them. She says hormones are messing with my brain. Maybe I am just a tomboy. I don't know. Everyone says that I'm the only person that truly knows but. I don't even think i know anymore. I'm sorry for putting you under the bus mom. I feel like I need to apologize, even if she never reads this lol. Sorry :^(

    Any help? (Sorry if this is choppy and doesn't make sense)
     
  2. ARC36

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    First, welcome to EC, hope you like it here.

    Second, you definitely sound trans, but like you said, I'm not you so I wouldn't know. I'm confused too but I'm leaning towards being trans and have experienced pretty much all of the things you've listed in terms of how you present/want to present.

    I think pronouns are a pretty good indicator of gender, if you like male pronouns and feel uncomfortable with female ones, you are probably trans. A tomboy would still probably feel weird being called by male pronouns. Another thing to ask yourself would be if you could take a pill and wake up the next day with a biologically male body, would you do it.

    Cis people are those who are happy with their gender and have no desire to change it, if you want to change it, chances are something's off.

    Sorry about your mom by the way, that really sucks.
     
  3. Creativemind

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    Sounds trans to me. I am masculine ish cis woman myself, but I don't want to be called male pronouns, remove my chest, or grow facial hair (my worst nightmare). I think the physical (and social) dysphoria really makes the difference.
     
  4. rebelAssassin

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    I'm genderfluid who spends most of my time using they pronouns, but I do feel male every once in a while. When I feel male, I often experience some of the feelings you've described. Most of my friends are tomboys, and none of them have ever wanted facial/chest hair. I personally believe, rather strongly, that you may be trans. These suspicions can be confirmed with a few experiments.

    The first one, and usually the easiest, is to ask a few close and trusted friends to refer to you using he/him pronouns, and see how it feels and what you think about it. If you don't want to ask irl friends to do that, the people here on EC are very accommodating and would surely help you out.

    The second is trying to find a name. I have several trans friends who call their birth name their Dead Name and go by someone else. Maybe look up a list of male/masculine names and find one that really speaks to you. Again, have a trusted friend (or someone on EC) call you by that name, so that you can get a feel for it. If both of these things feel right, and feel like that's how things are meant to be, then you're most likely trans.

    I'm really sorry about your mom, and wish you the best of luck in working things out. I hope my advice helps you, and welcome to EC!
     
  5. AnAtypicalGuy

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    Honestly you seem to be pretty certain about your gender, and right now you just need reassurance on how to deal with your situation. But if you are experiencing any doubts (which is common) then you do sound trans to me, particularly because of your descriptions of dysphoria and your use of male pronouns.

    My mum says the exact same. She'll insist that she's not transphobic and under the same breath she'll yell about trans people being freaks or something -- I don't really pay attention nowadays. She also accused me of following trends and being influenced by friends during the brief time that I was out to them. All I can say is for you to ignore her. Such comments are only hurtful, and that's the last thing you need right now.

    I think it was very inconsiderate of your friend to accuse you of copying her. What would be the motive behind choosing to copy a trans person? Why would anybody want to go through all the physical and mental trouble of transitioning, and fighting for something as small as acceptance by society, if it wasn't absolutely necessary?

    Those people who say that you're the only one that can know for sure are right; no matter what your childhood was like, no matter how many feminine traits you may have, only you can say whether or not you're transgender.
     
  6. BigDaddy

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    Ayyyyyyyy you're the only person I've seen so far that's my age on here. I'm sometimes confused about my gender too but I'm generally sure. You should message me
     
  7. Assassin'sKat

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    If you aren't sure about yourself, speaking to a therapist could help you figure out what your gender is. I mean, technically, gender dysphoria is considered a mental disorder, so if you think you might be experiencing dysphoria and aren't sure, speaking to a therapist could help you.
    Your parents don't sound too open-minded. So don't tell them why you want to speak to a therapist, so just come up with some excuse to speak to one if that's what you want to do.

    ---------- Post added 7th Jan 2017 at 05:46 AM ----------

    You know, some parents are okay with gay and trans people, they just don't want their children to be gay or trans. Just tell her you want her to let you be a tomboy for now. At least that's something. She might be a little more open minded later on. My mom used to not like gays, but I kept dropping hints over time, and now she's okay with it.
     
  8. finnthefish

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    Thank you all for the help. I don't really know how to reply to everyone individual but thank you so much for helping!
     
  9. SAYGEUR

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    Welcome to EC! I hope you stay around!!

    I have felt very simular feelings to yourself, and I thought I was a complete freak for even thinking that I could have been when I was younger, im thankful that youre not now, I cant tell you if your trans, but I can say that it certainly sounds like youre repeating the things ive been thinking for years. Id recommend talking with a therapist about it, saying these words out loud to someone is one of the best things you can do, from my research, it looks like the US has a lot of call lines for stuff like this.

    Feel free to add me if you want to have a chat about stuff, would love to talk to you more!