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Am I the only one who thinks the sexuality can change overtime theory isn't real?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Jon99, Feb 5, 2017.

  1. Jon99

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    I thought sexuality was something biologically innate? How could it change? Wouldn't that make the slogan "Born this way" completely meaningless? My therapist says that sexuality isn't something that can change.
     
  2. LoyalGryffindor

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    Sexuality isn't a choice, I think that's what inspires the "born this way" slogan. But I do believe that sexuality is, to some degree, fluid. I don't think it's likely for someone to go from gay to straight all of a sudden, but I think someone could be gay and then go to bisexual. (but probably with a preference for the same sex)
     
  3. AlmostBlue

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    I think LoyalGryffindor hit the nail on this one. Sexual fluidity does not imply choice, and the degree of fluidity is not extreme. I think "born this way" was an important movement that focused on the biological aspect of sexuality, but I think what is more important is the idea that we do not choose who we are attracted to. I think movement towards awareness and acceptance should gear more towards the idea of no choice than the idea that we are biologically determined from birth, since more and more research suggests fluidity in the course of one's life.
     
  4. Loveislife

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    I don't know. I personally don't believe in this, but some people claim that their sexuality has changed over time. So maybe it is possible. There are so many people on the planet that I find it hard to believe that it is impossible. However, I do think that this is rare, and I am inclined to think that people who claim that this happened to them just might not have realized that they have same sex attraction earlier on. Or that they are in denial about being gay.
     
  5. Ghostling

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    I can put some historical basis on the "born this way" narrative that got so popular in the 90's! Back when gay rights in the U.S. was really starting to become a legal battle, a really big argument against gay rights was that sexuality couldn't be protected by the law because it was something people could choose all willy-nilly, so in response a lot of gay activists started the upcry that being gay wasn't a choice and that it's biologically innate. (this idea was also used by homophobes to try and prove they could "cure" homosexuality, yuck) But more and more as that method of thinking started being less and less useful, people started to go back to acknowledging that while sexuality isn't necessarily a choice, it's also not necessarily biologically innate. There's no gay gene, and no one has found proof of homosexuality being biological, so there's no reason to expect it isn't fluid.

    But also, speaking as a person whose sexuality has changed quite a few times I can say from personal experience that these sorts of things can change!
     
  6. andimon

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    No, I believe it's also false. People who are "fluid" in their sexuality probably are bisexual or pansexual and just happen to experience attraction differently, fancying (one) gender(s) over the other(s) during certain periods. Can they stop permanently liking one gender or starting to like one out of the blue? That's a question for them to answer, but sexuality doesn't just change. It may simply be broader to begin with.
     
  7. I'm gay

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    In my opinion, your sexuality does not and cannot change. The confusion here is that often we don't understand, or are confused by, our sexuality and either mislabel it, misunderstand it, or just plain deny it. The thought that your sexuality is changing is really just your understanding of your sexuality that's changing. Your sexuality stayed the same the whole time. The mind is a complicated machine.
     
  8. JonSomebody

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    I agree with your therapist as with others who have responded in this manner as well. Sexuality is not a choice. I remember meeting several guys who were gay and in the church. These guys were so involved and struggled with the fact that Church condemns homosexuality which prohibits gay people to enter the gates of Heaven when they pass on. So...these guys went through a series of meetings with their pastors and continuous prayer meetings which led to them making the decision to "abandon" their homosexual lifestyle and strive for a heterosexual relationship. I can honestly tell you that over a matter of time some of them sooner than others but all of them wandered back to their homosexual ways in the long run. I also know a couple of guys who did get married and even had kids and later on within that relationship....things took a turn for the worst because those relationships ended in divorce and they too wound back into the arms of a man. For me...its better to stay true to yourself than to put yourself through a struggle to live a lifestyle that you are not accustomed to in order to please society and at the end of the day...it ends horribly because you now have hurt others that was involved with you and have developed a bond and love for you as their partners in life.
     
  9. Chip

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    This.

    There's zero evidence, based on an extensive meta study done for the APA, that sexual orientation can change. Just because we haven't conclusively identified a gene or biological marker doesn't mean that it isn't fixed. We do have pretty solid evidence on this point.

    I do think people are more openminded than they were in the past, and willing to try other things. I also think that society may have more difficulty with true, authentic emotional intimacy, and so many people who claim to be shifting in their attraction and orientation may, in fact, be experiencing limited sexual arousal because they're not able to access the full depth of their emotional connection.
     
  10. Tre

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    I agree. Whenever I read stories about lesbians who fall in love with women, she always seems to have a history of being heartbroken by a guy and falling in love with women afterwards. Same with stories about gay men who fall in love with women. They're pretty much just bisexual guys who were pressured to identity as gay.
     
  11. Grundy

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    I didn't know what trans was, so I thought I was a lesbian.
    Then I identified as ace for a while, as in up till last yearish.
    Thought I was actually just straight but sex repulsed.
    Started noticing that guys are pretty hot too, wondered if I was gay.
    Panicked that I was gay the whole time, but then got confused when I remembered my lack of testicles.
    Clung on to the thought of being ace because sex is weird and confusing.

    Now my libido is getting louder and I think it's starting to chant bi.

    So yeah, sexuality is revolving door of possibilities as far as I know. Kinda wish it would stop, but whatever.


    (Also if I may ask, is just not having sexual intercourse permemmant chasity or being ace?)
     
  12. MewDew

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    I don't think that a person's actual sexuality changes, but their realization of it does. For example, someone might think all their life that they're straight, then one day realize that they're actually gay/bi and just didn't realize it because of growing up in a heteronormative society. The first time I had a crush on a girl, I didn't even realize that I wasn't straight, I was just afraid and I thought "I can never tell anyone about this."
    Two years later I realized the reason I've always felt different is because I am- I'm bisexual/lesbian. (Not sure which, but either way I prefer girls.)
     
  13. AlmostBlue

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    There are actually a lot of scientific research that argues for fluidity. Chip, you need to keep up with modern research and list your sources when appealing to authority.

    Those of you who need clarification on current research on this topic, you can go to Wikipedia and take a look at scientific journals that are listed as the sources:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fluidity

    Here's a little summary:

    "There is no consensus on the exact cause of developing a sexual orientation, but genetic, hormonal, social and cultural influences have been examined.[3][10][11] Scientists believe that it is caused by a complex interplay of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences.[1][3][11]

    Essentialism, in the context of sexual fluidity, is the belief that sexual orientation and sexual desire are fundamentally biological and therefore do not change throughout life. The results of a large-scale, longitudinal study by Savin-Williams, Joyner, and Rieger (2012) indicated that stability of sexual orientation identity over a six-year period was more common than change, particularly for men.[12] While stability may be more common than change, change in sexual orientation identity does occur and the vast majority of research indicates that female sexuality is more fluid than male sexuality. This could be attributed to females' higher erotic plasticity or to sociocultural factors that socialize women to be more open to change. Due to the gender differences in the stability of sexual orientation identity, male and female sexuality are not treated as functioning via the same mechanisms. More research is needed to determine the fluidity of sexual orientation of subgroups (i.e., bisexual, lesbian, gay, etc.)"
     
  14. Thesantos

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    I don't feel that your sexual identity is innate (or predetermined). It's determined by your experiences. I was raised in a heterosexual environment. So, I pursued heterosexual relationships/experiences. Some people find those relationships and stop there. For a long time, I didn't find that heterosexual relationship, and I continued to look for things that interest me and excite me. I started exploring male/male sexual experiences. I enjoy them, but, I'm not required to turn my back on the female/male sexual experience. I am married to a woman and she fills my emotional need as my companion, but, I still have the interest/desire to play with guys. I hope more people can come to terms with letting their sexuality evolve in the same way that we continue to explore other parts of living.
     
  15. I'm gay

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    This is so wrong. You are entitled to your opinion Thesantos, but this is just so wrong and must be challenged.

    All available evidence backed by decades of research points to sexuality as being determined prior to birth, whether by genetics or hormones in utero.

    If what you are saying is true, then we would all be heterosexual. If our experiences determine our sexuality, then I would be heterosexual and still living with my wife. I'm not. I'm gay. I've always been gay. None of that was due to "experiences". We must not let this myth of sexuality continue to foster in the world, as it is the prime reason that people doubt our sexuality and believe it can be changed. "Maybe you just need to be with the right woman" or other such nonsense. You can't pray the gay away, and you can't fuck the gay away.

    I don't have the research available to list here, but Chip probably does.

    To OP: Don't believe it. Your sexuality is fixed and cannot be changed.
     
  16. beckling

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    Sexuality does not and cannot change, but the experiences and overall knowledge does. If someone comes out as bisexual, but finds that they don't truly conform to that label, they do have the ability to "change sexualities" or find something that fits them if they choose to do so.
     
  17. Thesantos

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    It sounds like you are telling the OP that they are F*d and should just accept it.
     
  18. I'm gay

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    No. Where in my post does it say anything like OP is fucked?

    Quite the opposite in fact. OP's post was seeking confirmation on what OP already believed - that sexuality cannot be changed. I'm not sure what led OP to question it, but many responses agreed that your sexuality is fixed and cannot be changed. Your post took the opposite viewpoint and suggested that one's sexual experiences determine orientation. I took issue with that post and wrote my rebuttal.

    OP's Orientation Status is: Bisexual????

    So, OP is questioning his sexuality and attempting to discover whether OP is bisexual, gay, or even straight. All of OPs posts are related to this questioning. I'm assuming that differences in attraction at different times to men and women is leading OP to the question of whether or not sexual orientation can change. So, the issue of "born this way" vs "experiences" is very relevant to this topic, and in my opinion, the only answer is "born this way."

    That doesn't mean that OP is fucked. It means that OP can rest assured that although he may experience differences in attraction to men and women, if he concludes that he is bisexual, it is not because of a changing sexuality, rather, it's because he is bisexual and not necessarily attracted to both genders equally or simultaneously.

    OP: I hope that is reassuring to you. If you are bisexual, it may answer questions you have related to what appears to be shifting attractions to different genders.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  19. Thesantos

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  20. AlmostBlue

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    Thesantos and I'm gay, I think you both make some good points, but I don't think your views on sexual fluidity are comprehensive and not exactly up-to-date with current findings. Sexuality is not black and white. I wrote a post above with a link to wikipedia article, which is a good place to start: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_fluidity