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Am I straight now?? what is wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Hope4love, Jun 13, 2021.

  1. Hope4love

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2018
    Messages:
    167
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    61
    Location:
    Africa
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    so I identify myself as Bi and I often enjoy gay p0rn more than straight like 80%
    but this is the second time i hooked up with a guy and I just felt a mix of disgust and non interest, even though he was clean and smelled nice and looked good but I guess it was because he was 28 and i am 22 and i'm into younger guys.. anyway when when we exchanged blow jobs, i just didn't feel anything similar to the first time which surprised me again, even though i was hard down there I just didn't enjoy it at all, it wasn't him he was doing a great job and i can tell he was enjoying it, but I didn't, when he gave me head, i didn't enjoy it, and when I gave him head I just thought it was gross and apologized after i stopped, we ended up exchanging handjobs which took so long because I kept losing erection.

    I don't think that i was attracted to him at all, and if I'm being honest I enjoy masterbating more than having gay sex.. I'm 100% accepting of my sexuality whatever it may be and I don't think that if I end up being straight would change anything... but personally i felt like this is definetly not for me, and for the first time in so long i felt like i reconnected with my true self and my confidence came back.. I know am attracted to guys and it will never change... but when that attraction is applied in real life (kissing, touching, sex...etc) I just don't enjoy it and i think it's gross no matter how much i try to loosen up and how much i know I love fantasizing about it.. it's just not the same in real life

    on the other hand, i never had sex with women.. except in rare occasions like when I was in college where i was sitting in class with a girl who suddenly touched my legs, i got aroused immediatly but didn't act on it because i was anxious (religious influence) and there's a different smell and energy on women that draws me in more and more unlike with guys i don't like that smell at all but I like looking at them and even touching (i know it's weird but not sure how to explain it)

    the reason why i don't have sex with women is because i just either don't feel attractive enough, or simply am not interested or it's too much work.. but with guys it's just very quick to meet up and sort things quickly

    (on the relationship/love part, I think I'm romantically attracted to both but a little more to women but am still not sure,) to be honest I don't even fantasize often about relationships or at all unless something triggers me to go for it like a movie or something, I'm pretty sure i have intimacy issues because of family history but I just don't feel like I can be intimate with anyone guys or girls... sorry this post is so long... if you could help me out i would be so thankful
    what is wrong with me?
     
  2. pozistani

    pozistani Guest

    hey, sometimes hookups just don't work out - can remember times like that, it's not a big deal

    can also remember guys who were spectacular the first time but it just wasn't very fun the second time - can't explain why

    don't over think it, find what you're comfortable with and live like that instead of fitting in to expectations - be their society's, the LGB community's, or even your own. :wink:
     
    MikeL1962 and old tacoma like this.
  3. masterofnone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2021
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    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    take this from someone who is straight, i’ve had sexual experiences with women that i didn’t quite enjoy in fact it does happen a lot as i’m very self conscious and anxious. but all i do is fantasise about women. considering you fantasise about men and you like masturbating to those fantasies you most likely are not straight. sometimes sexual experiences just aren’t good lol
     
    Hope4love and MikeL1962 like this.