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Am I right to end fwb

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by GatoAzul, Oct 12, 2021.

  1. GatoAzul

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    I just ended a fwb situation with someone after I told them my emotions were getting involved and I'm too attached to carry on having casual sex. I obviously miss the person and want to be with them so I'm looking for reassurance I made the correct decision.

    We only had sex on a few occasions, and they said they don't want to rush into a relationship. We had arranged for a casual thing but they stayed overnight and we had sex the next morning and it was so different to before, with more touching and affection. They said it should never have happened as they don't want to get my hopes up, they said they might consider progressing to the next stage with staying over but only in a few months time. Until then they want to keep the contact to drinks and sex and nothing romantic. I really enjoyed the spooning and cuddles in the morning and it felt so good I thought I'd feel really sad if they come over and leave straight away after sex. I couldn't see myself doing that for 3 months in the hope they might be open to a relationship with me in 3 months time. We've known each other for nearly a year and they keep putting up barriers that stop up getting closer. We had a fling earlier in the year as well that ended when I said I had feelings and they said they don't want to have a relationship with me without having a casual one first. Each time we've got closer and something romantic happens I tell them my feelings and they get annoyed and try to back off. But they also keep telling me they want a relationship but just not yet and not quickly. I couldn't bear the thought of them meeting someone else whilst I'm waiting for them so I ended it, but I really badly want to be with them.
     
  2. Aspen

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    It sounds like they have a lot of issues around romantic relationships that they need to work through before they'll be able to have a relationship with anyone, whether that's with you or someone else. You have to make the choice that's right for you. They're allowed to say "I'm not in the right place for a relationship" but you're also allowed to say "This relationship isn't working for me and I can't do it anymore."

    I also wonder if you've had a serious conversation about it yet. What does "not yet" mean to them? Are they waiting until they're in a better place emotionally? Financially? Do they need to move away from their parents?
     
    BiGemini87 likes this.
  3. BiGemini87

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    What @Aspen said: neither of you is in the wrong for the way you feel--it's just a lack of compatibility between you. You've been honest about your feelings, which is important: you haven't hidden the truth from them, and it sounds to me like they've been clear about their boundaries, as well. You absolutely made the right call, OP. Maybe things will change later, maybe they won't--but as long as the two of you aren't on the same page, your feelings and their lack thereof would only create greater problems between you.