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Am I just not trusting my mom here?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by mattni, Jun 4, 2017.

  1. mattni

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    Lately I've been trying to figure out whether or not my parents are homophobic, so maybe I can tell them about me being gay, etc. However, this thread is more about one thing my mom said one time. She said once (this was when she was angry - not towards me, my aunt) that she would support me no matter what and that I can tell her anything. She also said this on multiple occasions, even in written form once. Usually, this is a really good sign that I can come out to her and get all this worrying off my shoulders. However, I feel like she would still react badly? Like, I feel like she's still gonna get mad regardless about what she said about support. She doesn't really even seem to hate gay people either, but I still feel like she wouldn't accept me, or even worse (I can see her doing this) have a fit about it. Am I being hard-headed here? And is this normal for me? Thanks.
     
  2. Angus44

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    Hey, based on just what you wrote here it seems like she will be supportive. I think it's normal to fear a bad reaction even if most of the evidence points toward a good one (I too have similar fears), but then again you know your personal situation better than anyone else so it's up to you to make the decision whether or not to come out to her. Good luck!
     
  3. SemiCharmedLife

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    It seems like she will be supportive, and the fact that she has said this multiple times may be a sign that she already suspects. That's a really good thing.

    However, be prepared for her to have some trouble adjusting initially, even if she is supportive of the LGBT community and says she supports you. Parents worry about their kids facing discrimination or bullying. They may worry that you'll do risky things (I literally had to tell my mom, and I quote, "If I were going to be drunk and promiscuous I would have done that in college."). And it means a different future for you than they envisioned. I went through all of these things with my parents. Just keep the dialogue open.
     
  4. mattni

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    Well that's what I don't want. I don't want my Mom looking at me like I'm different. I'm just the same old person I was before I knew I was gay, and I want her to know that.
     
  5. SemiCharmedLife

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    Just keep being yourself and she'll realize that you're no different than the day before you told her. You were born this way. And you can tell her exactly that.
     
  6. Quantumreality

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    Hey Matt,

    That is a risk that we ALL take anytime we Come Out.

    The bottom line has to be how the person we Come Out to reacts in the longrun (hopefully lovingly in the case of parents, other family members and close friends). But we can never predetermine what that reaction will be in the longrun. We can, ultimately, only decide for ourselves whether the risks and potential rewards (being accepted for who we truly are) are worth the potential pitfalls. That is always the choice we make when Coming Out to those who are closest/most important to us.
     
  7. swimmingfly

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    Dude lemme tell you. I have a similar situation. I'm out to my dad and he supports me and is chill with it. My mom is kind of weird about LGBT people tho. She's a democrat and supported Hillary but at the same time, she kind of has some internalized homophobia. When I told her I was bi about a year ago, she acted super weird about it and made me go to a Christian school for the last quarter of 8th grade. She kept asking me all these questions about it but they weren't questions about being LGBT, they were questions about me and things that I do. It was super odd. My parents are divorced so it's good that I can talk to my dad one on one without her listening in on our conversation. My dad told me to tell her when I'm ready and that he's here for me. My dad looks at me the same way he always did, but with my mom, you can tell that there is something going on inside her head about it. I totally understand what you're going through man and I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to :slight_smile:
     
  8. mattni

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    Oh, well thanks for the offer! I do like making new friends here.

    Sorry to hear about your mom. Hopefully if I come out that won't happen (I dont think it will anyway).

    ---------- Post added 5th Jun 2017 at 07:24 AM ----------

    She may not exactly believe the whole "born this way" thing. She always assumes stuff and once she thinks she has an explanation for something she becomes hard headed and sticks to it. I might have to show her something on the web about that.