Hi Everyone! So I have posted about topics relating to my orientation a few times on Empty Closets, and am finding all the replies very helpful. I have come to the conclusion that my recent, as well as past, anxiety over my orientation is really a mild case of the so called HOCD (or Gay OCD). This has caused a great deal of confusion lately, and a fear of really being straight. I am almost 27 years old and have identified as gay since I was 12. I have always been attracted to men, and never women. I have never been aroused by women. I have been with men, but never women. I am out to a few family members and friends, but not most (including my father). I was planning on coming out to him on Saturday, but not so sure anymore. I have always had a fear of being straight, which I have confused as questioning my orientation in the past. I have traits of OCD as well as a mild case of Asperger's. Recently, this seems to be playing mind tricks on me. I get an overwhelming, but very temporary (like a second), sense of anxiety when looking at women or even thinking about them in any way. I can even get this feeling when just thinking about getting it. Anything seems to trigger it, and it's hurting my confidence in being gay. It's crazy!!! So my question is: What do you think? Does it sound like I'm gay, or is it possible that I may be bi or straight and it's starting to come out? Is it possible for someone to identify as gay for 15 years with no attraction to women, and then suddenly go bi or straight? Could all this anxiety be related to being in the closet, and my recent plans on coming out for good? Your input is greatly appreciated Thanks, Jonathan
So... What you are saying is... You are gay but so anxious about being straight, that you feel your anxiety might be causing you to not be attracted to women.... yes? When I see a hot woman walking down the street in skimpy clothing, I feel it in my pants... When I see a hot, strong man eyeing me down at the bar (without an evil look on his face like I kicked his dog or something), I feel that in my pants too... If your not feeling women down there, you are not feeling women down there... I've known for a while that I was bi, I just spent a lot of time denying it. However, the one thing I never stressed so much on is what category I fall into... Just that I knew I liked both sexes. Anyhow, sounds to me like you are gay and just struggling with society.
It seems completely possible for someone to question their sexuality again after labeling themselves over a long period of time. However, since you've never been attracted to women and have never been aroused by women, I would say that you are definitely gay.
