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Am I Bisexual?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by keepmeanon, Mar 9, 2018.

  1. keepmeanon

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm really unsure. There are times where I feel more attracted to guys and times where I feel more attracted to girls. I also feel as if I'm attracted to each in different ways. Let me explain.

    I'm a 16 year old female virgin and I've never really been aroused by anyone. Seeing shirtless sexy guys usually does nothing for me physically. Occasionally, I might mentally have some sexual thoughts. With girls, when I see a sexy girl I do feel something down there but it's not much. It's like a slight twinge. It's not enough to make me want to jump on her though. I generally find the female body more pleasing to look at. When I watch sex scenes or read erotica, it usually doesn't do much for me but I tend to look more at the girl and her body movements/reactions. I think it has more to do with me wanting to be her though because I don't really have any sexual desires towards girls. I think sex with a guy sounds a bit more pleasing.

    I don't really get sexual fantasies, unless you count kissing fantasies. The closest I've gotten to genuine sexual attraction was with my first boyfriend. I wasn't attracted to him physically at all. Not because he was a guy. I just didn't find him aesthetically pleasing. It was his personality that made me fall for him. I remember craving his touch a lot. I wanted him to grab my boobs or my arse (which he never did lmao). The thoughts excited me emotionally and sensually more than physically though. We eventually broke up because I found that he wasn't giving me the attention I needed.

    Romantically speaking, my fantasies usually involve guys. I love the idea of a boyfriend. I do have a few same sex fantasies too, though they tend to be a little less serious. Long term, I can't imagine a relationship with a girl. Short term, I can imagine one but it would probably be more physical than emotional.

    For guys, I find that in order for me to find them attractive sexually I need to really know them on an emotional level, basically. I can't be attracted by a picture, it has to be a person. For girls, it's a lot more superficial, I guess. I get some physical stimulation from a photo but not enough to make me want to have sex with her and certainly not enough to make me wet enough to make me want to masturbate. What turns me on the most is a guy complimenting an aesthetically pleasing girl on her features. For instance, a girl having freckles wouldn't do much but when the guy compliments the girl on it and acknowledges the trait, that would turn me on. I feel as if for me, in order for a guy to arouse me he has to be very emotionally attractive. Being physically attractive alone wouldn't be enough.

    Crushes wise, I'm not sure. I've had maybe three crushes on girls. Two of them were fleeting and more of a 'I can see a relationship' type of crush. With guys I can develop feelings pretty easily if I get to know them. Once I become friends with a guy I almost always begin feeling some sort of romantic connection. For both genders I need to develop a close bond in order to develop a genuine feelings towards them. For my first boyfriend it took a month before I developed actual romantic feelings towards him. That's probably because I didn't find him very attractive to begin with, I needed more time to get to know him as a person to feel attraction. I suppose that aesthetic attraction is important to me when I'm looking for a partner. Personality is just more important. Honestly, sometimes I have a hard time telling if I really appreciate someone's friendship or if I have romantic feelings for them.

    I do notice and look at a girl's arse or boobs if they have a nice set. For a guy, I tend to look at their facial features and collar bones. If I find them aesthetically attractive I usually end up finding them romantically attractive. Any sexual attraction would come after I know them very well.

    Generally, that's my experience for the most part. There are periods in my life where I do find guys more sexually attractive than girls etc.

    I told my mom and she said that I'm probably just bisexual and that she has similar feelings to me, only she wouldn't see herself with a girl at all. I think she might be right, what are your thoughts?

    Note: It's probably worth noting that I've struggled with sexuality related OCD in the past so it's not unlikely that I've had some groinal responses along the way. If you're not sure what that is, I suggest looking it up for a better explanation.
     
  2. keepmeanon

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
  3. marcwillis

    Regular Member

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    Hello.

    First, I would like to start off by saying the only one that can answer that question would be yourself. Sexuality can be difficult to define at times, and can mean different things to different people.

    I'm in a similar boat to you. I'm a male, and I identify as bisexual. I will start off by stating I come from a religious background and was homeschooled, so growing up the only option I knew of was man+woman. I discovered porn when I was around nine or ten, and I started off watching straight people, but it quickly transitioned into watching gay people more than anything. It wasn't until I was around fourteen or so that I had actually realized that I wasn't straight. I didn't know what I was. It was confusing to me, as I had no previous education on sexuality (no thanks to my religious family.), and didn't have anyone I could talk to about it. I did, however, have the internet. Long story short, I eventually learned about all of the sexual orientations, gender identity, the whole shebang. I had pretty much accepted the fact by then that I was gay, because I really didn't feel anything for women, but at the same time, there was no way I could be gay. How could I be?

    Fast forward a year later, I started talking to a girl online (I had switched from traditional homeschool to online school) and very quickly developed a crush on her. Eventually we met in person, and I was instantly attracted to her. This was really one of the first girls I had ever felt that way about. What I had realized at that point, was that one way or another I was attracted to both men and women.

    Bisexuality can mean so many different things. For some people, it means they like men and women equally. For me, personally, for the most part I am sexually attracted to men. But once I develop a romantic attraction to a woman, I am sexually attracted to her as well. So for me, It's like I'm bisexual, but also demisexual at the same time(Which means you are only sexually attracted after you've developed a romantic attraction), but only with women. And yet, while I feel romantic attraction to women, I don't really feel romantically attracted to men at all. It's confusing, and I'm still coming to terms with it myself. I'm currently 18, and have been out to a few close friends (including my first crush) for a couple years, and just recently to my parents. (Although, that was forced..my sister came out as gay, and I felt like I had to tell them. If my sister hadn't told them, I probably never would have.)

    Long story short, what I am trying to say, there is only one way to find out if you are bisexual. Do you like both men and women, in some aspect? If so, then yes, you are probably bisexual. But really, it's something you will have to explore. You may find in the future that when you have sex with a man or with a woman, that you really didn't like the specific gender at all, and were just fantasizing about sex in general..it may sound odd, but it happens. Just remember that sexuality is fluid, and your preferences may change in the future. And that's okay.

    Sexual identity is an adventure we all go on at some point, and it can be difficult to navigate at times. But it's worth the happiness. Enjoy the ride!