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Am I bi or pan?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Aelin56, Sep 29, 2021.

  1. Aelin56

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    I know that the lines between bisexuality and pansexuality are a bit blurry, but recently I started wondering if I might actually be pan and not bi.
    I'm attracted to men, women and non-binary people. I think I could have a romantic and sexual relationship with a person of any gender. I've never been in a relationship, but I've had crushes on men and women. I've had sexual fantasies about men and women, but recently they're usually about women. Sometimes I see a picture of a person and think "I don't know what their gender is, but they're hot". I generally have a type for people I like: colourful (preferably short) hair, dark makeup, piercings and/or tattoos, and this type includes men, women, as well as non-binary people. I'm attracted to "normal"-looking people, too, but when it comes to these people, I find women more attractive. I think gender does play a role in my choosing of a potential partner, but as I've mentioned, I can be attracted to someone whose gender I don't know.
     
  2. Ingvermama

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    Hi Aelin,
    I know where you’re coming from as I feel the same, and somewhat confused. I would describe myself as bi but it’s an individual person who I am atracted to, not a type, not a style, not just women or men. I haven’t really thought about anyone non binary before, as I’m approaching 50 this is a relatively new idea in my head! I am married though and so a lot of these thoughts are just interesting to me rather than something I need to know.
    I hope you find some answers.
     
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  3. Ingvermama

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    Also, I wonder, you don’t have to have a label, if you are still not sure, just embrace the ‘I’m not straight’ and fly that Pride flag!
     
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  4. QuietPeace

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    I have known a number of people who describe their attractions the way that you do. Some have called themselves bisexual and some say pansexual. I do not think that it matters that much. I believe that the labels that we use are for communicating to others and that they should neither define nor limit us. Use the one that you feel describes what you are trying to tell others.
     
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  5. Lemony

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    Actually here I wrote this and think it might help:


    Bisexual:

    Attraction to 2 or more genders: can include non binary people also. You can have a preference or not. Bisexuality always includes trans people. Excluding them is transphobic. If I date a woman, she is a woman even if not cis. (This is debunking the myth that bisexuality is transphobic and Pan is the one that includes them)


    Pansexual: Attraction to people regardless of gender/ all genders. You fall for someone and you dont really care what gender you just fall for someone. The gender kinda never crosses your mind. (This does not mean bisexuality is transphobic or bi people are judgmental or see gender first. It is simply a detailed definition of the way people feel and people can have feel the same way but identify otherwise such as bisexual, you can only label yourself and what feels right to you)

    Someone can also use the label bi if attraction regardless of gender as that can also mean 2 or more and they may feel more comfortable with that label.

    Bi and pan are too different sexualities and some people like to use both as their label and that is valid. Again you can only label yourself. No one tells you how you identify but yourself.

    I am bisexual and mine is fluid I like men and women but it can fluctuate and go up and down but at the end of the day I like more than one gender. No matter who I date I’m bisexual.


    Note: Bi is also an umbrella term for multiple gender attraction labels. So you might see terms like bi+

    Hope this helps.


    LEM
     
  6. Aelin56

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    Thank you. I have a type I like when it comes to strangers but when I get to know someone better it doesn't matter much how they look like, I can become attracted to them once I find out what their personality is. I'm also leaning more towards the label "bisexual", but I might as well go label-less or decide to identify as queer. It doesn't really matter what specific label I use but rather what I feel. By the way, it's nice to see LGBT+ people over 40 accepting who they are :slight_smile:
     
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  7. Aelin56

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    Thank you, I think you're right. I will probably go with the label "bisexual" because it's easier to explain to people. Most people outside the LGBT+ community are familiar with this term, but not necessarily with the term "pansexual".
     
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  8. QuietPeace

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    This is a bit like I am and I use the label Demisexual which I use to indicate that I am not interested in having sex with anyone who I am not already emotionally close to.
     
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  9. Lemony

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    Try using one label for a day and then the other and what ever feels right to you and who knows maybe you might want to use both..
     
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  10. Aelin56

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    Thank you, that was quite helpful. I think that the label "bisexual" suits me more, as I think about gender when I see someone I like. When I get to know someone, it doesn't really matter to me what their gender is, I fall for their personality. But I would feel better sticking with the label "bisexual", as it is easier to explain to people. I've never heard of the term "bi+", that's interesting.
     
  11. Aelin56

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    Thank you, that might help :slight_smile:
     
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  12. BiGemini87

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    Not much I can add to this, but to say:

    -Use whichever label feels most comfortable to you, or no label at all if you prefer.

    -Whatever label you use, don't let anyone make you feel like you should use the opposite. If it fits you, it fits you, and it's not for anyone else to decide.

    -At the end of the day, bi and pan are Venn-diagrammed, so it's only natural to feel like the former suits you one day, and the latter another.

    -Most importantly, there's no rush to decide one way or the other. Whatever your attractions, however they manifest--you are you, and that's what matters. :slight_smile:
     
  13. Aelin56

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    Thank you, that was helpful. It actually calmed me down because I was a bit stressed about having to choose a label.
     
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