Am I Being "Ghosted" or Should I Be Worried!

The third option and the one that seems most reasonable to me is to give him a bit of time. It has only been a few days after all and he did say that he has a lot going on. I have good friends who I am only in touch with by email and some of them do not respond for months at a time but they are still friends.

 

Yes I agree with @QuietPeace - I love my long-term friends and family dearly and still only talk maybe once a month or two at most (unless I live with them, or we have some kind of regular online class or meeting of some kind). Even when they reach out, sometimes I'm in the middle of something and can't respond, then forget to get back to them until weeks later. Since you've just met, and since he has a lot on his plate, I think it's completely normal to just be patient and wait for him to reach out when things settle down more. You could try sending another text in a week or so if you don't hear from him before then just to see how work or his move is going.

 

It's important to keep in mind that ghosting can be a trauma response. In this case, suddenly disappearing isn't about anything the person being ghosted did, but rather a maladaptive way of dealing with shame or guilt. I have been guilty of doing this in the past. When someone has a history of abuse --either being abused, or being abusive-- they sometimes use coping mechanisms to limit uncomfortable situations with people they care about. For example, a person might avoid someone they deeply care about for fear of causing them harm, which unfortunately also hurts them. Not everyone has been taught how to process their core emotions in a healthy way, especially if they come from a family with parents also use the same strategies to cope.

In order to change avoidant behavior, it takes a concerted effort by the individual who employs such avoidance to change, usually through seeking help from a therapist, learning other ways to coping through reading self-help books, or deep introspection(or all of the above). Although it may be tempting to try and fix a person who does this, it comes down to them, and they have to be the ones to make an effort to do things differently. That can be very difficult after a lifetime stuck in a pattern of self-isolation.

 

It could still be any number of things so it’s best not to assume the worst.

Ideally you’d not make any assumption at all and just continue doing your best in this moment and you’ll handle anything with him if/when you next hear from him, but if you’re going to assume, why not assume he’s safe and just busy, and maybe as a result he has his phone on Do Not Disturb mode (like I do 100% of the time) which also causes it to go straight to voicemail. Just try your best to stay in the moment (or like my friends say, “where your feet are”) and let go of what you can’t control. Worrying always only makes things worse. ❤️

 

I'm a parent too so I get that! It's not always easy but it's always helpful in my experience! Hang in there.

 

Attraction is a delicate thing, especially early on when getting to know someone. Being overly concerned for someone this soon into your interactions and contacting them multiple times without a response can be off-putting to the person on the other end, as it can come across as needy. I am not saying you are needy, but impressions are everything in the early stages.

I think it would be wise to give him space and try meeting other people. If he wants to contact you, he will. If he doesn’t get back in touch with you, perhaps treat this as a learning experience and try to maybe adjust your approach a bit for the next person you meet. A good rule of thumb is to not reach out to someone more than twice without getting a response back. Good luck.

 

I have def had this problem, and not just in terms of relationship material.

advise: friendships are relationships too, if you are being ghosted you should cut them off or try to understand what is actually going on
(again, not an easy thing to do)

 

Did you find out what happened in the end? I hope it worked out.

Sadly this is all too common. I partly blame websites and magazines that normalise the idea of ignoring people - giving it a tag "ghosting" - because heartache sells!

If he is ignoring you then that says everything about him and nothing about you. Yes he may have woken up feeling overwhelmed by the level of communication lately (I have a similar tale I'm going to ask for feedback on in a separate post) but that is never any excuse for rudeness and ignorance. An adult would say "Hey man, it's been great chatting with you. I'm not losing interest or anything but I just need a little break from chatting just while I sort some stuff out. Don't be offended. I will be back soon!".. Sadly few people are that open and honest.

I know how much it hurts. You're on cloud nine, things are moving along nicely, he's showing interest and you spend time interacting and then suddenly it's as if the rug has been pulled. Cue the inevitable betrayal, anguish, anger, sadness and self doubt. It's pretty horrific. That's why ghosting is totally dishonorable. Anyone who would put you through that does not deserve your energy, friendship, time and affection.

I would give one or two further benefits of the doubt and then with a clear head send him a message informing him you don't appreciate his treatment, his tactics are highly unattractive and to bid him farewell. Take control for your own peace of mind.

The other thing is this bizarre suggestion from "relationship experts" who suggest playing little mind games with texting to "keep your man keen". What awful advice. Sorry guys, anyone doing that here's a message for you : It doesn't make you more attractive or more desirable. It has the total opposite effect.

Hopefully in the OP's case things resolved and it was just an unfortunate false alarm!

 

I am not defending ghosting, but for our own sake, I feel it’s important that we not expect too much from people we have only known for a couple of weeks. Although it would be better for someone to say I’m just not feeling it, that is a hard thing to do for anyone. To say “I am sorting things out but I’ll be back soon” would be disingenuous if he had no desire to carry on the conversation. Again, I say this not in defense of ghosting, but as a reminder to ourselves to protect our hearts and try not to get too invested too early (as tempting as that sometimes might be).