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Am I asexual or just sexually repressed?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ChromeNerd, Aug 8, 2014.

  1. ChromeNerd

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    I feel the most comfortable identifying as gay. I just don't know exactly what sexual attraction feels like. I'm also not that comfortable with my gay feelings. Some people have suggested that I'm asexual, but something doesn't feel right about that label. When I read about what sexual attraction feels like I do remember feeling those feelings a few times, but they were way too much for me and I ended up suppressing them.
     
  2. ellyy

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    Learn how to be vulnerable with yourself and other people and allow yourself to feel without judgement. Also start accepting and loving yourself and things will get clearer and you'll probably find your answer.
     
  3. BelleFromHell

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    It sounds like you're sexually repressed, to me.

    My mom never really gave me "the talk", and I was ignorant on the subject of sexual attraction. I didn't even know what it was supposed to feel like. I identified as asexual, but the label didn't feel right to me, either. I was taught that anything related to sex was perverted and amoral, so I convinced myself that I had no sex drive. My sex drive magically popped up around age 16, and the rest is history.
     
  4. Chip

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    I'm inclined to agree it's likely repression. If you aren't comfortable identifying as gay, then that's going to have a huge impact on your sexual attraction because there are two parts fighting with one another: one that feels attraction, and the other that feels that acknowledging the attraction is wrong. (I suspect that, or some variation of that, is the case for a *lot* of people who, probably mistakenly, label themselves in a way that doesn't accurately reflect what's going on for them.)

    So ellyy is right. The key to resolving the issue is learning to be vulnerable and owning the feelings of who you are, and learning to let go of the self-judgment about being gay. Easier said than done, but the first step is talking about it, as you're doing now.

    These sorts of things have a habit of working themselves out in time, but you can help it along by actively thinking about the issues and recognizing the difficulties you're having in accepting yourself, and realizing there's nothing wrong with who you are and how you feel.
     
  5. m0rg4nth0m45

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    There are a lot of different sexualities that come under the asexual "Umbrella." Me, being demisexual, means that I only feel sexual attraction when I'm attracted to someone's personality.
     
  6. BelleFromHell

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    I didn't know people considered demisexuality to be on the asexual spectrum. I know the prefix "demi" means half or to an inferior degree, which is the main reason why I do not use the "demisexual" label.

    Not being turned on by or wanting to sleep with random strangers does not make me any less sexual than the average person, and I find it slightly insulting that people believe that. I think our hookup culture is to blame.
     
  7. Chip

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    A pretty large segment of the population, who don't identify with any non-recognized label, are also attracted to personality rather than physical traits.

    Given what the op has said, it is pretty unlikely that the issue is some un or under-recognized label. It is much more likely related to self- acceptance issues.

    I say this not to disrespect anyone's right to self-identify using any label s/he chooses, but to encourage looking at the likely underlying issue rather than labeling it and simply accepting it as unchangeable when likely it is not.
     
  8. ChromeNerd

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    How can I get help for the underlying issues? I've been struggling with my sexuality since I was twelve.