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Am I agender or just faking it, I don't even know!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by IDont Say Aboot, Nov 12, 2015.

  1. IDont Say Aboot

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    Okay, so I was assigned male at birth, but lately I've been questioning whether or not male really applies to me. A lot of the time I want to be seen as just a person, without people saying "oh, there's a guy" or a girl. But how do I know if I'm not really just going for an attention grab? Unfortunately I've been pretending my personality is different from how it is so much that I can't control it and I sometimes can't tell if something is really me or if it's just what society has told me to do.

    That's why I don't know if it's an attention grab, if it is I can't tell. Two days ago I was going from feeling demigirl to agender rapidly, but today I am feeling like anything but male would be an act, but male would too! I don't know if that makes much sense. Everything would be acting but I feel like I should act like my biological sex.

    I've always been more relatable to girls than guys, but that may be just because I have been told to act on the extreme boy side but I fall somewhere in the middle. I don't experience any dysphoria at all, but I would not be disappointed if I woke up in the morning with a female body. In fact I would probably like it due to it being not normal and boring. Male pronouns mildly annoy me, but female ones would feel alien. I especially hate it when somebody attributes something about me to "being a boy"

    And if I really am agender, how can I come out? I know some friends with whom it would be easy, but others not so much. My school has a GSA, but some of my friends from non-school circles go to that school too so word would get around quickly if I came out there.

    And then there's my church. I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian, and I do NOT want to change that, but the one big problem with it is that it is probably the least accepting kind of church to LGBTQ people, and places heavy emphasis on what you have to do because of being male OR female.

    How can I come out to everyone (which I want to do so badly if I am indeed agender) with so many people who might not accept it, who I would still see twice a week? Changing religion is not an option, unless making yourself change gender or orientation is one too. At least for me.

    Also there's the whole thing about it being ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING to try to tell someone. When I thought I was certain that I was agender two days ago late at night I told my best friends over kik but then the next morning I panicked and blew it off as just some stupid thing I said when I was tired. How can I come out to anyone if I can't to my best friends, who are sooooooo accepting!? They even have a non-binary sibling!

    Thanks to anyone who can clear this up a bit, it was also quite a rant. You get a hug! (*hug*)
     
  2. baconpox

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    If you have no dysphoria, I'd guess that you're not agender or trans. You might be conflating gender roles with gender?
     
  3. Hawk

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    Not to throw more terms at you, but have you considered "genderfluid"?
    Genderfluid is basically a gender which fluctuates over time, and it doesn't have to change every day.
    If you want to read more about it there's a good site:
    Gender Fluid - Gender Wiki - Wikia


    It doesn't really sound like you're Agender (lacking gender), maybe neutral's a better way to put it, but you know yourself best.

    If you want you can also read more about Agender:
    Agender - Gender Wiki - Wikia
     
    #3 Hawk, Nov 12, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2015
  4. IDont Say Aboot

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    Thanks for that!:icon_bigg I think that you helped me a LOT there. The gender fluid thing makes sense for me. I guess I'm partially gender fluid? I mean, I don't really ever go full male or female... it's like there are four "genders" I have, demiguy, demigirl, neutral, and agender. Although I don't like the term agender, it makes it sound like it is actually the same thing as gender neutral... I think that when I am agender I'll just think "me" rather than "agender". So yeah, thanks!
     
  5. fjord13

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    You can be trans and not experience dysphoria
     
  6. Systems

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    I had a similar experience are years of suppressing my gender and pretending to be someone I'm not. I even hid pretty much every detail about my personality from even my family and best friend, and lived in a persona that wasn't remotely authentic. After doing that for so long I started to lose my grasp on what about me was authentic and what was pretending.

    Something similar might be happening to you. Feeling inauthentic considering ourself a certain gender or worrying about being an attention grabber doesn't say anything about you, except that you don't yet know certain parts of yourself and live in a world that has told you who you are, whether it's true or not.


    I don't think it's weird to not solidly stick to any label when questioning your gender identity. Plus there are genderfluid people, bigender people, and other similar kinds of trans people.

    And interestingly, when I was questioning my gender at 18 (after suppressing knowing I was female as a child), I thought I might be demimale, agender, demifemale, androgyne, or bigender, although I did have a strong instinctive pull towards binary female (I was scared of coming out as a trans woman and living in this world as myself).

    This actually sounds like dysphoria to me. I always hated when someone said that about me. And even for me, female pronouns sounded alien at first.
     
  7. IDont Say Aboot

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    Probably should update on this whole thing, just in case people are wondering whether or not you helped me. You did! Thanks so much! Also some wiki-ing. Things about the original post... I thought that dysphoria only meant body dysphoria. So ya dysphoria happens for me. Also the switching around thing is done now, I think it was sort of myself in denial, first thinking that if I wasn't male then I must be female, then thinking that I should be male because of stuff in my pants. And systems, thanks for the thing about labels. They're not as important as being yourself, merely a potential part of the description. :slight_smile:
     
  8. DemiLiHue

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    Oh hi. Also wanted to say that you don't need to change a lot to be genderfluid. Someone can be genderfluid between Demigirl and girl!! Also have you chosen a gender identity or something yet? :wink:
     
  9. IDont Say Aboot

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    Yes, and no. Agender, so like, I'm decided, but no gender identity. :slight_smile: