So for the longest time now I've had days were I dress masculine. I wear baggy jeans, a big shirt and I already have sort hair so that's not and issue. Then other days I dress feminine. I wear baby doll cut shirts, makeup and maybe a skirt. Most of the time however I have a very gender neutral look. It's hard to explain, like it's not that I want to be a man,but some days I wish my boobs would go away so I could be one. Then other days I absolutely love my body. What fear is is that if I start to identify as anything other than my birth assigned gender everyone will no longer support me. I already know my mother would disown me. I just have no idea what to do... If I'm myself then I'll get disowned and sent to mental hospital by my mother... But I cant keep ignoring the fact I may not be cisgender I have always felt I wasn't a girl... and now that there is a label for it that fits what I may be I was overjoyed to find out. Then only to find out that it's a label that so many people see as invalid. Some days I genuinely feel male and some days I feel female. There are even days I feel like I'm neither. I just have no idea what to do anymore
What you wear does not determine your gender unless a) a child insists on wearing something for the opposite sex as they are of that gender b)a person of any age changes their gender expression to be seen as their true gender identity. [Note: ''they'' can be substituted with he and she, I shortened it for readability] You could try using a diary to record what percentage of what you feel each day, and then look back after about six months and see what changes and why you feel the dysphoria/not dysphoria. If someone doesn't accept you, that doesn't make you less of what you are. I don't think she can send you to a mental hospital. But if she does try that, perhaps say that you'll find a gender therapist, who can help you and your mum accept what you are. If the following would be easier, you could tell people that you're ''questioning your gender'' and therefore has no reason to do anything but help you on your questioning. A woman at a trans support once told me that "no matter how many times you 'play' something out in your head - it will not go exactly the way you think it will''. You could talk to your mum about LGBT and get her exact stance on LGBT, although some parents change their mind about LGBT [for better or worse] when they realize that their child is.
It's easiest for me to think of how I want to be socially and biologically. I've found having a concrete standard to go by clears up a lot of my confusion. Ask yourself: -Do you feel disconnected from your sex characteristics? -When you wish your chest was flat, does it bother you that it's not? -How do you feel about pregnancy? -Does it bother you to be called female pronouns? -Why do you feel you're not cisgender? -Can you live as a tomboy? -Did you show any signs of being trans as a child? -Do you have any discomfort with/disconnect from your sex characteristics by themselves? If men had breasts, would you be okay with your chest? If yes, why do you sometimes wish you were male? -How long have you been questioning? -What does it mean to feel like a girl or a boy, and how is it different from gender roles?
How you dress doesn't always determine gender. I'm a cis woman that wears baggy shirts and jeans. You will never, ever see me in a dress, skirt, or makeup. Best indicator is actual physical and social dysphoria that is distinct from gender roles. Baconpox explains it best.
